The first is how I use my time.
Do I feel I have none? Am I very busy, with nothing to show for it? How
can what I do have more meaning? How can it incrementally amount to
something important to me?
Forget
about big, sweeping changes. Look at the small things. What I do every
day results in something. What is it that I am doing every day?
The second is how I connect to others.
Does it feel like learning, like an opening, like inspiration, like
wow? Or does it feel like gossiping and complaining is what connects me
to others? The second is not real communication - it’s like walking on a
treadmill, expending energy but going nowhere.
The third is my regard for my past.
Am I angry, bitter, full of resentment, remorse? Do I wish I could
change it, take it back? Or can I see it as the reason why I am who I am
today? Can I regard it with gratitude for what it has given me?
The fourth is how I treat myself.
Do I take care of myself, make choices that are nourishing in every
sense of the word? How does what I do to myself make me feel, and how
can I make myself feel loved, taken care of, safe? How can I give to
myself what I once expected others to give me?
Finally, I look at my thoughts.
Are they indivisible from me or can I create space between me and them?
If they tell me I am not enough, am I in a place where I can defy them?
I see you, thought, and I don’t believe you.
-Dushka Zapata
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