Regret Your Marriage?

Yes I do, sorry, I did.

Well it all started 2 years back when I was doing my post graduation. I had no relationships, then. And in India we have this system of horoscope, astrology and stuffs. My parents fetched my horoscope. And found out that it’s one of a kind horoscope. With huge success in personal and professional life. And i should get married before i turn 25.. I was not confident about arranged marriage but I thought if i get the guy of my choice it’s worth the risk.

And then on a fine sunday morning a red car stopped outside our house. The guys was really good looking. We talked. We thought we liked each other. I asked for another meet outside before finalizing. Then this guy tried to impress me. We agreed for the marriage. There was this initial excitement, of course. We went out once in 2 months may be. Also i was trying for jobs but in vain. And about my fiance, he was basically an introvert and a little sensitive. Had very few friends, was not into social mingling. I’m just the opposite. I love parties, fun and am happy being around people. But i thought that the differences wont be a problem if we loved each other. And then i began to notice that he is not so involved in the relationship. He never calls me. He avoids meeting me.
 

He said I’m not romantic or interesting and there was no chemistry. I was shocked. I told my parents. I thought of calling off the wedding which was in a few months. But we had a big engagement function, so could not accept the consequences. But then he said sorry and told he loves me. I was really confused.. I asked him if he is sure and then he told he wishes to be with me forever. I sighed. I was afraid of letting my parents down.. 
 

Fast forward. Wedding day was fun. Went for honeymoon. I thought that was a perfect life..for a few days. My in laws were orthodox. But it was fine. I loved them. I loved his sister like my own. We were really close. Again my hubby started his silent war. I don’t know the reasons. If i ask him why is he ignoring me he says he is like that. He is a bit indifferent except to his sis. I said okay.. we did not talk much. But this guy used to hold his sister's arms when we went out as a family. I asked him again and again why he is ignoring me but the reasons were vague.

He told I’m self centered and I had no value for money etc. My in laws were real trouble makers. And his sister also changed her attitude. They were Orthodox only when it comes to the treatment towards me. They asked me to do all the household chores, and still complained about the perfection. I fell sick after 2 weeks and they refused to take me to hospital saying I’m acting.. I was in immense pain due to urinary infection. The father in law made it a habit to abuse me. He compelled me to eat non veg, me being a vegetarian. Also they gave non veg with my food without me knowing, I had to eat it helplessly, once.

His dad said I do not deserve his son’s attention since I don’t look good and I’m not wealthy enough. I was jobless all this time worrying. My husband and the FIL had the problem of uncontrollable anger. Even in public my hus had no control. His body becomes weak and bp shoots up when he is frustrated. I was afraid to talk to him. He had physically hurt me thrice. Also he had a condition called sleep freeze once, and he showed all signs of narcolepsy.
 

And after 2 months he told me he did not want a kid from me. I began to doubt whether someone else is in his mind. Or he did not get over the past relationship. I was depressed. These people took me to my home and told that I’m impatient and i always provoke him. To my surprise they told i tried to kill their daughter, his sister. I don’t know why such an allegation was made.
  

I thought of divorce but he was not sure about it. He said we can sort out things but he was not taking any measures for it.. I asked if he could go for anger management or counselling, but the guy was adamant. He wont accept his flaws. He came over a couple of times. But made sure he did not talk with me much. I was indifferent for a while. 9 months passed with no progress. I did text him once that i need divorce but he did not respond for that.
  

I realised i have to be engaged in other activities than worrying about married life. I started reviving my passion, singing. Also started online tuition cos i loved teaching . I was against publicizing my life situations through a blog or quora. But i think this will give me a new insight into the problems. Also i want others to learn from my mistake. 
     Plus I got fed up telling lies to every single person who asks me, is everything good/hows ur husband/when are you thinking of kids etc. rather I would tell the truth.
 

And the next phase was digging up his past. I was shocked to know several details in his life before our marriage. There were two engagements which broke down eventually. No one whom we asked had a good thing to tell about him or the family. He also had seizure and had taken medication for it. We contacted the girl’s family with whom he had the second engagement and she knew more of these facts and that was the reason why they called off the marriage! 
      They even had the call records for proof. Also, the guy shouted in public at her, since her looks were not so appealing that day. That was a green flag to my decision. I’m so relieved that i saved my life and walked out of this unhealthy relationship! So girls out there, please have the courage to say no to controlling relationships. Never ever think that it’ll get better some day!
 

We applied for divorce with mutual consent. I got my first job and am moving on with my life, happily, with the help of the wonderful people around, especially my family and my dear friends :) And I got divorced in Aug 2019! End of the story.

-Kavya Gopan