The MIT Experience

 Being an undergraduate at MIT was an incredibly unique experience. This place will amaze you from day one, and you will feel every possible feeling towards it. You will love it. You will hate it. You will be happy. You will be sad. You will feel connected. You will feel lonely. But you will most certainly feel glad to have lived through it, and you will take great experiences and friendships from MIT.

First Impressions: Prospective Student/Freshman Year

Everything is beautiful. The campus is nice, the dome is awesome. The columns are really cool. If you visit during summer or spring time the grass is green, the flowers grow and the people are happy (The winter, on the other hand is COLD!)

There is a crazy building by Frank Gehry (The Stata Center)

People seem to have a lot of fun. There are a variety of "hacks", one of the recent ones (and among my personal favorites) was the Tetris Building:

(Yes, this is actually a building on campus, and yes, this was playable Tetris! The lights were programmed to respond to a controller!)

From my first visits, I was impressed and very excited. I could definitely see myself here, and I knew that it would be a worthwhile experience.

The Setting: Boston & Cambridge

The greater Boston area is a great place for students. There are multiple universities and colleges around the area as the map shows. MIT and Harvard are nearly neighbors in Cambridge (we are just two subway, a.k.a. T, stops away), but there are also Boston University, Boston College, Tufts, Berklee School of Music etc... (see map for more)

This means there are a lot of young people around, and a good amount of bars and parties.

Transportation is very good around MIT; the #1 bus goes up and down Massachusetts Ave, and there is a T stop on the east side of campus. There are also shuttles that cross the bridge from Cambridge to Boston, to connect MIT to some of the fraternities on the other side of the river. 

The Settling in: Freshman
Once you get into MIT, you have to pick what dorms you are going to live in. Each dorm has a unique culture, and you can check them out here: Undergraduate Residence Halls. Most undergraduate dorms are located close to campus, and you can definitely walk from any of these dorms to classes, but some people choose to get bikes. For reference, I lived in Baker House, my room had a beautiful view of the Boston Skyline, and most of my classes were within a 5-10 minute walk.

Deciding where you live is very important though, and I advise you to check out each dorm, meet the people there and choose the place that matches your culture as well as possible. I do advise incoming students to make this choice based on their tastes rather than their parents'. Sometimes parents will not like a place and try to get you to the dorm they find the nicest. But this decision should definitely be up to you, as a new student, because you are the one that will be living there for possibly the next four years.

Moving was straighforward, and like most big cities, you can get all your things at any of these Bed-Bath megastores. They usually make lists for college students, to help you get everything, so I did not have any issues there.

Fees and Tuition
Most students get some kind of financial aid from MIT. All financial aid is need-based, so every year we have to complete the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) which calculates how much aid you should receive. MIT is not cheap at all (tuition and fees come out to $42,050, plus costs of living and dining), but MIT does try to help out. 

Drinking water from a firehose, Part I:
You are a freshman, have just picked your intro classes (usually first-years take Calculus, Chemistry or Biology, Physics and a Humanities course) and everything is ready to start. And in orientation you get the great news that your first semester is actually Pass/No Record.

What does that mean?

No grades! (insert celebration dance here!)

MIT, in order to help you transition from high school to, well, one of the most intense universities in the world, gives you a "freebie" semester. No grades, if you get above a "C-minus", you get the credit. 

This may seem great, and a reason to party all semester, but it is not that simple. MIT is tough. It is intense, it is challenging, and it will destroy you if you are careless. So people that take this semester lightly and not use the opportunity to get used to MIT's style, often have a tougher time adapting in the following semester.

Once the semester starts, you begin to understand classes at MIT. Freshman lectures are usually in large lecture halls, with sometimes 300 students in a class. But you do get the opportunity to learn from great people in their fields. Many freshman have had the opportunity to take Introductory Chemistry (5.112) with Nobel Laureate Richard R. Schrock, or Introductory Biology (7.012) with Eric Lander, who worked on the Human Genome Project.

These are great opportunities, to learn from people who play a very significant role in their fields. As a freshman, learning about ongoing research of Nobel Laureates is an incredible experience. 

However, the academic part is not easy at all. Once you get your first problem set (Pset) for homework, you notice that MIT is not at all like high school. The questions really challenge you. They are not simple repetition of what you had done in class, but rather, they require you to read additional sources, collaborate with others and ask your TAs and Professors for help. Very few people work on their psets individually, there is a lot of collaboration at MIT.

And then exams came. You study, do your best, and you get your results back with the lowest grade you have ever seen, and the average score among all students was a 50 (out of 100) or lower. It is a humbling experience. From being among the top students of your high school, used to getting straight-As, getting a 40- or 30-something on an exam makes you realize that MIT is going to be tough. Here, you are no longer the best student, and you need to come to terms to getting bad grades and getting over them by studying harder and preparing better for the next exams.

In the end of the semester, you have your finals. A final at MIT is, jokingly, compared to the following scenario:

You take a class on how to build a house. You learn about walls, and windows and doors and pipes and electric systems. And then your final exam comes and asks you one thing: "How do you build a boat"

MIT finals usually cover a great amount of material, and they challenge you. They ask for applications of what was learned in class, rather than simple repetition of facts. So the exams here actually make you think rather than spit out memorized answers.

This is why MIT is compared to drinking water from a firehose. There is so much happening around you, so much academic material, and you try to grasp as much as you can, but you find out that it is impossible to get it all. 

Drinking from the firehouse: Part II
The rest of my years at MIT required great dedication, but I was able to take all the required classes, get a double major (in Math and Physics) and a minor (in Management Science), I worked as a grader and Lab Assistant (great opportunity to make some money) and I also had the opportunity to do research with great professors (including a brief time at the Higgs group at MIT!) I was also able to get a decent amount of sleep, probably more than the average MIT student, was able to play soccer in Intramural season, and have fun in general.

The main lesson that you take from here is that you have to be balanced. You cannot possibly do it all, and you must accept that. Don't put more on your plate than you can eat. This is just how MIT is, you always have to give something up. Do your work, study, but also go out to eat, go see the Boston Symphony Orchestra, walk around Boston, visit Harvard, go to parties, and you will have a great time.

MIT is a great place. It is very challenging, but you will make great friends, and learn more than you have ever learned. I would not change this opportunity for anything.

I hope this helps to paint a picture of MIT for people that haven't had a chance to come here!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS1: One of MIT's informal mottos is IHTFP, an acronym that can stand for many things, but usually meaning "I Hate This F***ing Place", but also used as "I Have Truly Found Paradise". You will use it with both meanings as a student here.

PS2: I love MIT so much that I am doing my PhD here. So this will probably be some 5 more years of MIT and Boston life!

PS3: If anyone has any other specific questions, please let me know and I'll try to edit this answer

Not all expectations are the same.

Do you expect the other person to send you flowers at work? To always be the one who pays the bill? To spend all their time with you? Do you expect the other to accommodate your emotions? (I feel jealous of your women friends so you can’t see them.) Do you expect the other person will be responsible for your happiness?

Reconsider those.

Do you expect to be treated with consideration, with respect? Do you expect a certain degree of empathy, understanding? Do you expect a mutual trust? Do you expect another to be interested in your life? Do you expect the person you are with to follow through on what they say they are going to do?

-Dushka

Unfair and difficult things will happen to you.

People will be mean to you. Loved ones will betray you. You will not get closure on ended relationships.

You will lose friends too soon. People who don’t deserve to get sick will get sick and leave you. People deserving of punishment will enjoy a life they didn’t earn.

Strangers will be nasty to you and you will never see them again. Very bad things will happen to some of you.

Life can be a burden.

It isn’t for wimps, the soft, or the faint of heart. It’s a raw game that dishes out raw deals on a daily basis.

But if you can accept the burdens willingly, if you can choose to learn from them, not to become bitter, to move forward, you will grow and find purpose.

If you can be strengthened by the series of storms that come your way, you will find that you have a life that is well worth living.

You will find there is an abundance of happiness right there waiting for you if you choose to accept it.

-Sean Kernan

Their are some arguments that signal the end of a relationship as :

1. ARGUMENTS OVER LIFE GOALS

A long-term relationship usually involves two people who both respect each other’s goals and desire similar things out of life. In committed relationships, a couple has usually already discussed where their lives together are heading. They have a general idea of where they want to be, and that future always includes each other.

But suddenly, you’re starting to fight over your life goals. Your ambitions don’t seem to match up anymore. You find yourself wondering if you even can still see your partner in your future ten years ahead. If those goals don’t align anymore, you may no longer be compatible. Some affected goals may be:

• Where you want to live or work
• Whether you want children, and how many
• Religious or spiritual beliefs
• Financial management
• Lifestyle goals

Long-term couples don’t need to have everything in common when it comes to their future plans – but they should share a similar overview or idea of where they’re going. No amount of positive thinking will help you if you spend ten more years with someone, only to find that you reach an impasse after you’ve sacrificed so much to give in to their goals.

2. WHEN YOU ARGUE OVER INTIMACY

Many people discount the influence of intimacy over the health of a relationship. But since good intimacy is often about good communication, if your bond is breaking down outside of the bedroom, it won’t be long until it falls apart within the bedroom, too.

It’s not unusual for partners to have different interests, kinks, preferences, and libido levels when it comes to intimacy. But when you start to argue about your differences in the bedroom, you’re heading right for Splitsville. This also indicates that at least one of you is unsatisfied physically, which is not healthy and can cause romantic relationships to feel platonic.

Intimacy should come naturally. Neither partner should feel forced or guilty regarding what goes on – or doesn’t go on – in the bedroom. If you begin finding fault with each other’s bedroom habits, you are no longer physically compatible.

Physical communication is just as important as verbal communication. If you find yourselves stuttering and struggling in bed, you may have overlooked some serious relationship problems everywhere else.

-Jonathan S. Perkins

Will you start by “listening” and starting to read TODAY?

 “You’re too young to start a business, Son! There are no shortcuts!” my dad told me before I started my parking lot business outside my college campus.

“Come on! It can’t be that difficult, Dad! I’ll figure it out!”

I failed!

“Son, hard work is not good enough! You’ve got to work smart and stay disciplined!”

“You're telling me I’m stupid, Dad? What’s wrong with you!”

A few months later, still during my College years, I tried my second business … I purchased a Xerox machine to sell photocopies to students in an apartment building.

I failed!

My dad patiently was watching me fail.

Humiliated, I finally started listening to him.

“It’s not just your hard work, Son; It’s how smart you work!” he insisted.

What do you mean smart work? I asked offended.

“Son, in life you either learn from others’ mistakes or you learn from your own. It’s cheaper and faster to learn form others’ mistakes! You need to develop the habit of reading and listening to others!”

“Reading? That’s boring! Listening? I can hear you, Dad! I’m NOT deaf!”

After several years I finally understood the lessons my dad was trying to teach me.

“Never minimize the power of a book, Son! Books give you the experience of a lifetime in just a few hours. Imagine living 100 years in one year! What would that result in?”

“What do you mean, Dad?”

“If you develop the habit of reading, you could read 100 books in a year! That’s 100 years of knowledge!”

For the first time, I listened to him and I never forgot that!

Books are amazing! There may be thousands of books in a library or a book store, but their abundance will NEVER be a commodity. Never minimize the value of the wisdom each book contains!

1. Wealthy people develop the habit of reading.
2. Wealthy people develop the habit of listening to others, the reason they surround themselves with the best advisors in the world.

Will you start by “listening” and starting to read TODAY?

-Hector Quintanilla

Narcissistic Female

She has an obsession with her appearance as well as a high level of materialism and superficiality.

This could also translate into a haughty sense of intellectual superiority, if the narcissist in question is more cerebral than somatic (focused more on her mind rather than her body).

As Christine Hammond, LMHC (2015), notes in her article, The Difference Between Male and Female Narcissists, the female narcissist “battles with other females for dominance” and while male narcissists use their charm along with their appearance to achieve their goals, “females use it to gain superiority.”

Female narcissists fit the ‘femme fatale’ stereotype quite well. Many of them are conventionally attractive and, much like the male somatic narcissist, use their sexuality to their advantage. Since females in our society are also socialized to objectify themselves, the female narcissist follows this social norm to use whatever physical assets she has to assert her power.

Hammond (2015) also observes that while males are more likely to obtain money, female narcissists tend to excessively spend it. This may result in a highly materialistic female narcissist who enjoys adorning herself with the best designer clothing, indulging in luxuries at the expense of her loved ones or allowing herself to be excessively catered to by a wealthy significant other. Female narcissists can also accumulate their own wealth and use it as an indication of her superiority as well.

For the more cerebral narcissist, the female in question might use her accumulation of credentials, degrees, and accomplishments to control and terrorize others. For example, a narcissistic female professor may routinely subject her students to hyper-criticism, bullying and cruel taunts under the guise of “constructive criticism,” usually targeting her most talented and brilliant female students in the classroom. This is because, despite her own expertise and position of power, she is still threatened by any other female whose intellect might surpass hers.

A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.

In keeping with typical narcissistic behavior regardless of gender, the female narcissist is likely to have a harem of admirers – consisting of exes that never seem to go away, admirers who always seem to lurk in the background and complete strangers she ensnares into her web to evoke jealousy in her romantic partner. She frequently creates love triangles with her significant other and other males (or females, depending on her sexual orientation). She rejoices in male attention and boasts about being the object of desire. She engages in emotional and/or physical infidelity, usually without remorse and with plenty of gas-lighting and deception directed at her partner, who usually dotes on her and spoils her, unaware of the extent of her disloyalty.

She also crosses the boundaries of her female friendships by attempting to “make a move” on the partners of her friends. She is disappointed and envious when her “seduction” falls flat or when her friends enjoy more attention from their partners than she does. To a baffled outsider, a female narcissist’s betrayal is incredibly hurtful and traumatizing – but to the observant eye, it is a clear sign of how far the female narcissist’s pathological sense of entitlement goes.

-Jonathan S Perkins

Let's start the year with talking about mental health

Symptoms of Depression 

1. Hopeless outlook

Major depression is a mood disorder that affects the way you feel about life in general. Having a hopeless or helpless outlook on your life is the most common symptom of depression.

Other feelings may be worthlessness, self-hate, or inappropriate guilt. Common, recurring thoughts of depression may be vocalized as, “It’s all my fault,” or “What’s the point?”

2. Lost interest

Depression can take the pleasure or enjoyment out of the things you love. A loss of interest or withdrawal from activities that you once looked forward to — sports, hobbies, or going out with friends — is yet another telltale sign of major depression.

Another area where you may lose interest is sex. Symptoms of major depression include a decreased sex drive and even impotence.

3. Increased fatigue and sleep problems

Part of the reason you might stop doing things you enjoy is because you feel very tired. Depression often comes with a lack of energy and an overwhelming feeling of fatigue, which can be among the most debilitating symptoms of depression. This could lead to excessive sleeping.

Depression is also linked with insomnia, as one might lead to the other and vice versa. They can also make each other worse. The lack of quality, restful sleep can also lead to anxiety.

4. Anxiety

While depression hasn’t been shown to cause anxiety, the two conditions often occur together. Symptoms of anxiety can include:

• nervousness, restlessness, or feeling tense
• feelings of danger, panic, or dread
• rapid heart rate
• rapid breathing
• increased or heavy sweating
• trembling or muscle twitching
• trouble focusing or thinking clearly about anything other than the thing you’re worried about

-Jonathan S Perkins

See this