My kids have achieved some pretty amazing things.........

My kids have achieved some pretty amazing things. For example, my younger daughter was the youngest girl to have ever got an A* in her IGCSE (16+) Maths, when she was 9, and she can speak 6 languages.

My 3 kids are hard-working and motivated. Here’s some tips:-

• Empathise with them and they’ll listen to you more. So I’ve told them I agree studying is boring. C’mon, it is!
• …and then tell them why they should do it. They need to buy the vision.
• Always listen. If they’re not working hard, or they’re being rebellious, talk to them and understand why. No need to get angry, whatever they feel, they feel they’re right.
• Like adults, kids need a goal to get them motivated. So, for my kids the goal is typically an exam. They know the exam date and the grade I want, and are reminded of it every few days. Your kids’ goals could be to get As in half the subjects in the report card.
• With every major goal achieved there should be a huge reward. My kids will be spending an extra 4 weeks in London if they all get the top grade in June 2018.
• Every major goal needs to be broken down into sub-goals. Sub-goals should be tracked, ideally in a spreadsheet.
• Every sub-goal achieved needs a celebration. Typically it’s a film with pizza at home, or we go out for an ice-cream.
• Take an interest. I ask my kids every day what they’ve done and get excited with them when they’ve done well. High fives and all.

• Get involved. You need to induce hard work. I take my kids to cafes as they can’t really do much apart from study there. And they love it as they eat what they want. Once bored of one cafe, we go to the next. BTW I don’t teach - I do my own work.
• Make sure your kids understand that their brains are like muscles, which get stronger by going to the gym. When they study and don’t understand things they’re getting smarter. Studies show that kids that believe intelligence is fixed do worse than those that believe it can change.

That’s all I can think of for now…

-Asim Qureshi

Concentrate & Focus but how?

It’s important not to completely ignore what others think of you.

But it’s just as important not to live your life trying to please everyone.

Society isn’t a single voice—it’s made up of countless people, each with their own opinions. No matter what you do or believe in, someone will always disagree or be upset.

There’s a powerful quote: “You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.” I completely agree with this. But I’d also like to add another thought: “You have friends? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

Real relationships—friendship, love, or respect—come only when you stand for something. If you always try to fit in or avoid conflict, you may never connect with people on a deeper level.

In truth, love and hate often come from the same place. The people who are most admired are often the ones who are also criticized the most.

Trying to please everyone is not only impossible—it can cost you your peace and sense of self.

What matters more is knowing how much to please other and how much to stand up for yourself. Make your choices with that in mind.

The key is to find a balance between staying true to yourself and being considerate of others. That balance is what leads to a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Here are some things to consider every time you worry about what others might think:

I believe in what I'm going to call the disappointment imperative. I am completely ready and willing to disappoint anyone who wants something for me that I don't want for myself.

People think about you less than you think. They have the audacity to be too preoccupied with themselves to be concerned about you. (I mean, sheesh.)

Why do people talk about others? Because tearing someone else down is evidence that you are unhappy with a part of your own life. The happier you are, the less you will criticize someone else, and the more empathy you will feel for what they are going through.

What someone says about you when they are unhappy with themselves is more about them than it is about you. As such, it's not ever a good guide for how to live your life. Don't make decisions based on what others might think or say. It will steer you wrong every time.

The busier you are working on you, your life and your happiness, the less time you will have to talk about others. And even better, the less time you will have to show any concern for what others say about you.

Most of all, I am a deeply flawed person. I have a lot of work to do and as such I have no time to waste.

-Dushka Zapata

If a cab driver makes more money than an IT professional, why should I study?

Unsolicited Advice ?

Let me talk about kids and young people and what can damage them the most

1. Long term emotional neglect. If you are neglected by caregivers — not touched, not treasured, not seen and barely noticed, your heart will die a little every day. You will either decide you have no value or you will do whatever it takes to get the attention you crave. Both will lead to disaster.
2. Long term emotional abuse. It sounds crazy, but this may be less damaging than complete neglect. It’s bad, but at least you are real and alive and seen. Still, like the neglected child, you may grow up to be hateful, abusive yourself, or you may seek out abusive relationships because that’s all you know.
3. Substance abuse in children and teens. This is much worse than for adults, because kids are wired to develop psychologically at a fairly rapid pace. Being stoned or drunk or high interrupts the course of development. We don’t get a second chance at childhood or adolescence, even if some of the damage can be repaired later.
4. Traumatizing experiences without adequate support. Long, serious illnesses, major accidents, and big losses like a nasty divorce, can interrupt healthy development. High conflict divorce is a double whammy because kids are hurt by parental conflict, and parents may disappear into their own issues, making matters worse.
5. Being different. Kids who feel different because they are too fat, or too slow, or too clumsy, or sexually different can really suffer. Often they get only generic pep talks that minimize their pain and sense of exclusion. In our evolution, being a member of the tribe meant survival, so kids long for it. Exclusion for long periods can be seriously damaging.

-David McPhee

Are you ready to make more money than your teachers and your parents… combined?

Not so fast…

First you need to overcome the hundreds of EXCUSES you have in your brain.

I don't have enough money

My business plan isn't perfect

The timing just isn't right

There's too much competition

I don't have the skills needed

It’s too difficult

My parents won’t support me

I don’t have time… waaa waaa waaa…

Come on! You’re a teenager, you don’t sleep at night anyway… so don’t tell me you don’t have time!

Okay, once you overcome all the negativity in your brain, dress nicely and get out of your house! Don’t forget to take your best friend with you…

… No, not that lazy friend you’think I’m thinking of… I’m talking about your smartphone!

Next, go to a shopping mall and visit EVERY single business… You’re searching for these kind of people:

Yes… your target market is un-up-to-date people!

Next, use this sales pitch, “Excuse me, Sir, how much business are you currently attracting from social media?”

“Huuuhhh,” the business dude will most likely say — that’s when you will see $$$$$ pass through your eyes!

“Seems like you’re still using traditional media for your marketing. Am I correct?”

“Huuuuhhh?” Now you got him!

“Sir, what’s your current marketing budget? How effective do you find it? Are you happy with the results? How effectively are you reaching your target audience?”

“Huuuuhhh? Well, hmmm, let me think. Last month we spent $3,000 dollars on marketing,” he may say.

“Ka-Ching!”

Okay… NO, don’t say that in front of him. You just think it and DO NOT show your excitement. Keep it cool!

“How many customers did that budget bring you last month? How are you measuring results?”

“Huuuuhhh? It’s not easy to say…”

“Sir, I know I’m a teenager, but I was born with this.” You show him your smartphone. “So, naturally, I’m an expert in social media. Are you aware that the trends are increasingly clear — attention is on these devices?”

You show this graph in your smartphone and say, “This trend won’t stop anytime soon. Would you like to start growing the social media presence of your business?”

“Huuuuhhh? But, but, I don’t even know what a hashtag is… what should I do?”

“Sir, that’s what I do. I can start proving you results with a fraction of your current marketing budget. You pay only for results. No results, you owe me nothing!”

“Huuuuhhh? For real?”

Now you got him!

Okay, now get to work… you’ve got the idea!

No money needed, no special hours, office or location to work, no degrees or fancy MBAs — JUST A PROBLEM TO SOLVE!

Manage their social media marketing campaigns and day-to-day activities.

Get creative! Help them develop relevant content to reach the company's target customers.

Create, curate, and manage all digital content (images, video and written).

Monitor, listen and respond to the business customers in a way that cultivates leads for the company and ultimately lead to sales.

Your goal is to show results and build a long-term relationship and trust with your new clients.

Once you deliver results to one customer, repeat this process — the sky is the limit!

- Hector Quintanilla 

Energy Management

I am really depressed whether to continue my MSc or start preparing for a government job as my family starts pressuring me for marriage and a job. What should I do?

Don't let your parents push you around because you are a girl. If you do that, next it will be your husband pushing you around. Tell them you want to finish your studies and then get a job of your choice. Marriage should be ruled out till you are financially independent. And you choose your own life partner - don't accept any parental bullying and don't let them force you to marry someone of their choice.

Learn to assert yourself if you want to come out of your perceived depression.

-D D Rishi Ex-IRS, PhD-Law

Difference Between RAD & NPD

All children who have parents who are neglectful, abusive, intrusive, and unstable are likely to develop serious problems as adults. The most common problems involve issues with intimacy, relationships, trust, and self-esteem.

What is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Reactive Attachment Disorder is diagnosed in children, not adults. Children given this diagnosis may exhibit either inhibited attachment behavior or display inappropriate and indiscriminate attachment behaviors.

RAD is believed to result from severe neglect, abuse, and lack of appropriate attunement by the child’s caregivers. It can also be caused by subjecting the child to multiple disruptions and changes in caregivers, such as children who are in foster care and repeatedly get uprooted and sent to different homes.

In the beginning they may form strong attachments to their caregivers, but after repeated separations and disruptions, they may stop forming secure attachments because attachment only leads to pain.

In adulthood, these children are at greater risk for developing depression, behavioral problems, difficulty forming relationships, aggressive and disruptive behaviors, and low self-esteem. People with RAD are also at risk for developing a personality disorder in adulthood, but in my experience it is unlikely to be NPD.

The basic treatment for children with RAD ideally involves working with the primary caregiver to teach the person better parenting skills and to provide some form of psychotherapy for the child. There are no drugs that cure RAD.

If the child is being physically or sexually abused, he or she may need to be removed from the home. Ideally the child would be placed with a caregiver who could be consistent, loving, have appropriate boundaries, show a great deal of real interest in the child’s thoughts, feelings, and interests, while modeling appropriate attachment behaviors.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

This is a personality disorder. Although it starts in childhood like RAD, it is not diagnosed in children. Children and teens may exhibit narcissistic traits, but most grow out of it as they mature. Therefore, NPD is only diagnosed in adults.

NPD can be viewed as an adaptation by a particular child to a home situation where attention and approval were contingent on achievement, love was unstable and conditional, and at least one of the parents had some form of NPD. People can develop NPD without being subjected to the conditions that create RAD in children. You can become a Narcissist without severe abuse or neglect.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by:

• A lack of whole object relations and a lack of object constancy.
• A lack of emotional empathy for other people.
• Extreme reliance on other people for continual validation of their worth.
• Unstable self-esteem.
• Perfectionism.
• Competitiveness.
• Hierarchical thinking.
• A reliance on achievement as a substitute for love.
• A diminished capacity for intimacy.
• The drive for status.
• A preoccupation with status.
• A vulnerability to feelings of shame about the self.
• The devaluation of other people.
• Indiscriminate idealization of those people who they see as higher in status, coupled with contempt or indifference to those people they see as lower in status.
• Impulsive rage over trivial matters that most people would overlook or react to more mildly.
• The need to shift blame for their bad behavior to other people.
• Difficulty accepting that other people can have valid opinions that are different from their own.
• Projecting their person flaws onto other people.

Do children with RAD develop NPD?

I am not an expert in RAD. I actually had to look up what these initials meant. However, I have many people in my practice who experienced RAD as children. They grew up to develop Schizoid Personality Disorder, not Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What is Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD)?

Schizoid Personality, like NPD, is diagnosed in adults, not children. People with SPD lack basic trust in other people because their early caregivers were abusive and neglectful. They never learned to negotiate differences of opinion because their opinions did not matter.

Most of my Schizoid clients decided by age 7 that they could not count on adults to care for them, protect them, show real interest in them, or even treat them as real human beings with any rights. They reacted to this situation by becoming fiercely independent and self-sufficient and finding ways to control how emotionally and physical close they are to other people. Some turn to animals for affection instead of people.

Here are some common characteristics of people with SPD:

• They have a fragile sense of self with weak boundaries.
• They may dissociate from their emotions, their bodies, and even their sense of self when they are stressed. This started in early childhood as a reaction to abuse.
• They tend to treat their bodies with the same indifference that their caregivers treated them.
• Like children with RAD, they may either avoid intimate relationships or become inappropriately intimate too soon with the wrong people.
• They use distancing as a defense.
• They often report feeling like robots or aliens, not real people.
• They lack whole object relations and object constancy.
• They prefer other people to be predictable.
• They suffer from existential dread. Life can seem pointless and something to be endured.
• They also suffer from what the theorist Ralph Klein calls the “Schizoid Dilemma”: If they become emotionally close with someone, this feels threatening to their autonomy. If they distance themselves and do not have enough human contact, they may become so disconnected that have trouble reconnecting.
• They are more likely to live alone by choice than most other people.

Punchline: It is really quite easy to differentiate between RAD and NPD. They have very little in common. However, in my experience, the conditions associated with RAD often lead to the development of Schizoid Personality Disorder in adulthood.

-Elinor Greenberg,PhD Psychology