- Long term emotional neglect. If you are neglected by caregivers — not touched, not treasured, not seen and barely noticed, your heart will die a little every day. You will either decide you have no value or you will do whatever it takes to get the attention you crave. Both will lead to disaster.
- Long term emotional abuse. It sounds crazy, but this may be less damaging than complete neglect. It’s bad, but at least you are real and alive and seen. Still, like the neglected child, you may grow up to be hateful, abusive yourself, or you may seek out abusive relationships because that’s all you know.
- Substance abuse in children and teens. This is much worse than for adults, because kids are wired to develop psychologically at a fairly rapid pace. Being stoned or drunk or high interrupts the course of development. We don’t get a second chance at childhood or adolescence, even if some of the damage can be repaired later.
- Traumatizing experiences without adequate support. Long, serious illnesses, major accidents, and big losses like a nasty divorce, can interrupt healthy development. High conflict divorce is a double whammy because kids are hurt by parental conflict, and parents may disappear into their own issues, making matters worse.
- Being different. Kids who feel different because they are too fat, or too slow, or too clumsy, or sexually different can really suffer. Often they get only generic pep talks that minimize their pain and sense of exclusion. In our evolution, being a member of the tribe meant survival, so kids long for it. Exclusion for long periods can be seriously damaging.
-David McPhee
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