This trait is destructive

A friend once called and asked to borrow money from me and I said no.

She told me later that my lack of hesitation shocked her.

My friend spends beyond her means and owes many people money.

I love her, am always happy to lend her my ear and take her to lunch, and will not allow money to affect our friendship.

I trust her completely. I trust her to be exactly who she is.

If at any point she (or anyone else) perceives my refusal to lend a good friend money as "selfish", I am not too concerned.

It's so easy to confuse the concept of "selflessness" with what is actually better defined as poor boundaries.

If I am repeatedly manipulated or targeted, this does not in any way mean I am too nice.

It means my boundaries are unclear.

This trait is destructive, affects my ability to establish healthy relationships and is unrelated to a generosity of spirit.

-Dushka Zapata