Saying No is not just OK..........

Getting comfortable with saying no is how I begin to create my boundaries. Boundaries are essential to happy, healthy relationships and a happy, healthy life.

I can and should say no if someone else wants to touch me and I don’t want to be touched, or even if someone says something about my body that is not appropriate. If a stranger says, for example, “you look hot in that dress”, I can say “don’t do that. It makes me uncomfortable.”
  

I can and should say no if someone is pushing on the way I think. If I do not (or do) believe in God and someone is imposing their beliefs on me, “don’t force your beliefs on me” would be the right thing to say.

I can and should say no if I need time alone and my friends are insisting I go out. My time and how I spend it is mine, and I need to protect it. I can say no, and don’t need a reason. “I can’t join you this time but thank you so much for thinking of me.”

My things are mine. I can and should say no if someone is insisting I lend them my clothes or anything that belongs to me. Refusing to lend anything that is mine is my right.

You can and should say no if someone wants to talk about something I don’t want to talk about. What if what I am hearing puts me in an awkward position? I would rather not discuss that.

My body, my rules. My time, my rules. My energy, my rules. My things, my rules.

This doesn’t have to be combative, aggressive or threatening. It can be gentle, subtle and firm.

Sometimes, though, saying no is not enough. Sometimes the fact I you said no makes the other person push harder. It’s common for people to push on boundaries. We ourselves do it to others.
 

Whoa! I didn’t mean to insult you when I said you looked hot. It was a compliment! The fact you don’t want to lend me your scarf is so selfish. Why do you only think of yourself?

I need to learn to protect my boundaries. This can be calm, without being hesitant or feeble.

Oh, come on! Come to the party! You need to learn how to have fun!
 

It certainly sounds like fun, but I really want to go home now. I will call you tomorrow so you can tell me about it!

Saying no is not just OK. It is necessary.

-Dushka Zapata