- Kindness vs. Stupidity
I
believe that we should be kind to everyone, not just Narcissists.
However, we should not be stupid. If someone repeatedly hurts you on
purpose and does not care about your feelings, you need to avoid
them—whatever their diagnosis.
I
love children, but if one is swinging a machete, I back away so I do
not get hurt. Then I try and get the kid to drop the weapon.
- Can Narcissists “Help” their Behavior?
Of
course, Narcissists can help their behavior. The proof is that while
many people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder make life miserable
for their family or people who work for them:
- They can quickly shift to being quite nice to anyone whose approval they want.
- They rarely abuse anyone who can put them in jail.
- They are unlikely to abuse someone in front of someone they want to impress who would then think badly of them.
- Even when they are physically abusive to people, they generally can control how far they take out their anger on the other person.
They may not be able to control how they feel, but they definitely can choose how to express their feelings.
- Psychotherapy for NPD
In
addition, there are effective psychotherapy treatments for Narcissistic
issues. Other people go to therapy when their issues cause problems for
themselves and those they claim to love. There is no reason why we
should not hold people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to the
same standard.
Punchline: There
is a difference between being kind and tolerating abusive behavior. If
you really want to be kind to the Narcissists in your life, you can help
them to bolster their self-esteem by generously acknowledging them for
the good things that they do and their real talents. In this way you
support them without encouraging bad behaviors.
-Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP
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