I have a confession to make

I have a confession to make.
 

I like people-pleasing.
 

I like doing things with and for other people, in particular when it feels like a joyful, natural co-creatio​n, in particular when giving something of me feels like the best use of what I have to give.​

It’s the best.
 

I just have to be careful that I don’t swing from “I feel open and generous towards you” ​to​ “I feel resentful because​ I have come to see it's not how you feel towards me.”
 

I don’t want to feel like​ ​what I do is being taken for granted or like I’m being taken advantage of.
 

Every relationship I have is built on certain principles. ​I​ get to know someone and natural dynamics are established. If I have always people-pleased and I decide I want to stop it with the people pleasing, if I want to stand by me instead of feeling resentful, I am in essence altering​ - betraying -​ the tacit rules of our original arrangement.
  

I used to say yes to everything and now I am putting me first. ​It stands to reason that this will shift every single one of my relationships.​
 

The people who react to this first are, obviously, the people I’ve been bending myself for the most​: this is where my change is most noticeable. ​They don’t like it, because they have grown comfortable with getting everything from me. No, Dushka. What has gotten into you? Let’s go back to the way things were.
 

If these people value me they will ​come to ​realize that a new balance ​has been in order ​for some time ​and that my new rules are only fair.
 

If they instead value how convenient I made everything, how comfortable they are benefiting from me overextending myself, the relationship might not recover.
 

At first, this hurts like a fire in my heart.
 

But then, then, ​as the pain begins to recede, ​look at all the space I’ve made. Look at the room I have, the energy I can put into relationships that are better for me.
 

​I am recovering, and now I feel free.
 

See, I made it so easy for you to use me, and now my life is better without you in it.
 

So, yes. Discovering who you are​,​ shifting​ into being ​fully you, is a tough, painful road. ​But let me tell you. It's the best thing you will ever do, both for yourself and for the people in your life who really matter
 
-Dushka Zapata