Life is Unfair

I have always been considered as a grinder, or in words of one of my seniors “unproductive ghissu” i.e. someone who works too hard for too less. It’s a tag that pinches me a lot, but it’s not completely untrue.

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While I was preparing for JEE, I saw many people playing, enjoying and having fun. Everyone in my hostel went to play CS, I didn’t. I wanted to make up for my lack of intelligence with my hard work, as even then I knew about my limitations. And yet, I couldn’t clear the exam by a considerable margin. Whereas, those who studied much less got through. I felt it was unfair!

But I tried again, made sure that I worked harder this time. Stayed at my home and spent 14–16 hours studying everyday while all my friends had joined a college. Kept working harder and kept getting better. And eventually, made it in my second attempt. After joining IITR, I found there were many more droppers who used to tell me that they didn’t study hard in their first attempt, some had family issues, some had health issues. When they asked me what was my reason, I used to say I had no reason, I gave my best but wasn’t good enough.

Was life fair to all of them? No!

Because they too faced some other problems, but in the end we all made it.

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When I started studying, I again had to put in extra hours to keep up with everyone. It was then when I gained the tag of “ghissu” i.e. someone who keeps studying. I won’t say I was ok with the tag, because it felt derogatory. Most of them had no idea how tough it gets when you grasp things slowly. But I continued working hard and continued making myself better. A dropper asked me once-

“Why are you still working hard? You’ve made it here now. Just relax and have fun.”

And I told him-

“I know what I had to go through to get here, now I wish to make the most of my chance.”

Even though it felt unfair that I had to study harder and endure some stupid tags, but in the end I was among the top-4 of my batch and among the only 2 to get an intern in the first top company for our branch. I was realizing that rewards come slowly, but surely.

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Due to free-fall of oil industry, our core-companies refused to come to campus. This meant that all my grades and previous interns had zero value now as I had to apply for a non-core job. Feeling of unfairness loomed large again.

I had 4 months to prepare for a non-core job and I was up to the task. Cleared all the aptitude tests and made it to 6 interviews in the first 5 days. Got rejected in all 6.

1st interview: Reached top-22. Screwed up in the 2nd round.

2nd interview: Reached top-16. Then it was a 1 on 2 interview (1 interviewer, 2 candidates). The other candidate was one of the institute topper. He was better in everything and deservedly got through.

Later I got to know that I was supposed to be paired with another person who had the same surname. I got the wrong pairing because of same surname confusion. Cursed my luck.

3rd interview: Wasn’t good enough!

4th interview: Got into top-8 and 6 were to be selected. Gave the interview of my life. List was announced, I was the 7th one.

Later I was told that some guys who got selected were not even in the initial shortlist (Internal setting helped them and f****d me). Cursed my luck again.

5th interview: Reached top-5. They interview 4 people and got the candidates they wanted. I was the only one who wasn’t interviewed.

6th interview: Cleared 4 rounds. Was sleepy and hungry because of lack of rest and food. Rejected again!

Life felt unfair!

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I got through in my 7th attempt and was placed in a startup. Work was shit and so was the company. The segment I was working for shut-down in 3 months. Life seemed to suck big time.

In the next 45 days, I got only 2 interviews and I cracked them. 1st one turned out to be a fraud company and the 2nd one offered me half of what I was earning in my first job. I was also informed about an interview with a big MNC, but somehow they never called again. I almost gave up, because you know, life can be unfair.

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But a week before my joining, an opportunity arrived. And I made sure that I didn’t let it go. And that opportunity again made me realize that rewards come slowly, but surely. (From Schlumberger -> Uber)

I always remember the tags given to me in college, but I also know that inspite of being less productive than them, I have made it with just my hard work. Life has never been always fair. But I’ve never let it dictate the terms of my life.

There are people who have worked harder than me and yet are struggling more. There are some whose problems are far more bigger. Infact, when I see them, I realize life has actually been so fair to me. My perspectives have kept on changing with time. The clarity goes away when everything goes wrong. But I try to remind myself that life is not going to be fair always. Not just to me, but with everyone else.

So what can you do about it?

Sit and wait for it to magically become fair?

Or keep fighting your luck and force it to kneel down before you and accept its defeat?

-Anshul Sharma