I was beaten mercilessly more times than I can count. And I never felt bad for myself to be honest. I didn't think it affected me much. However, an incident happened that made me realise how it had twisted my views.
A few years back, my parents had their most aggressive fight in front of me.
Let me tell you first that my father was never abusive. If anything my mother is the more aggressive one. There has never been any domestic violence in our house.
But in that fight, for the first time, there was.
All I remember is my mother yelling incredibly demeaning things at my father and telling him that he's not even a man, etc…
My father told her to shut up, but she kept going and her insults got even worse. He would repeat that she needs to stop talking and she pressed further.
And for the first time, he pushed her down and beat her.
And I stood there, not feeling a thing. No anger, no sadness, no contempt, nothing. Just looked at it as if it's the most normal thing ever.
The beating wasn't hard and it lasted for a minute. Then mama rushed to our room (me and my siblings) and yelled “what were you all doing when you witnessed this happening? This is how you defend your mother when someone lays a hand on her?”.
I asked myself the same thing. What's wrong with you Salma? You're completely against domestic violence. You know there is no excuse for it. So why were you so numb?
But the scene was awfully familiar. Us speaking rudely to my mother and her beating us for dear life because we provoked her. How is that any different? Because it was done under the name of disciplining?
I scared myself by how I didn't find what happened bad to the degree I should.
And that was the first time in my life I swore that I won't beat my children. I won't make violence their norm in their eyes.
p.s: my parents made up afterwards and my father never repeated it again
-Salma Medina
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