“JUST DO IT”

I am rarely motivated every day to do even my assigned task.

I usually feel lazy and dispirited when I have to do any task.

I often wish if I can avoid the task somehow.

However, instead of avoiding the task, I use the following three words to get my motivation back.

And these three words are.

“JUST DO IT”

I simply ignore my mood and just go ahead doing what I am required to do.

And here comes the greatest surprise.

Within a few minutes of starting my work, I realize that I am actually enjoying my work.

I feel so motivated that I don’t even realize how quickly the time passes and the task is accomplished.

After the work is over, I feel extreme joy and satisfaction for performing my job well.

Hence, if you are suffering from demotivation, don’t just say these magical three words, but “JUST DO IT”.

You have perhaps heard the saying: “Action speaks louder than the words.”

It may be truer to say: ‘Action motivates faster than the words.
 

-Awdhesh Singh,(ex-IRS,M.Tech-IIT)

Working in Google after BE from Tier 3 College,Possible?

Yes. Absolutely. My first job from campus was at Microsoft HQ in Redmond as a SDE in the much coveted Core OS team of Windows. Microsoft was at that time the world’s largest tech company and Windows was its crown jewel. I had 3 competing offers — from Google and 2 other tech companies. I didn’t go to a top university. That didn’t limit what kind of jobs I could get and this is despite the tech economy not being as hot as it is today.

Top companies hire thousands of people each year and it is very hard for them to fill solely on the basis of degrees. MIT and Stanford barely produce 100 odd CS majors each year. The same is true for most top notch schools around the world. And many of these graduates love to do something else besides working for a big corporation. While tech recruiters absolutely love students from top institutions they are also in the look out for top talent coming from outside the traditional academic system.

The reason recruiters look for top schools is because:

1. It shows strong work ethic and commitment. Getting into and graduating out of a top school shows that you can work hard. You might not be a genius, but you can work hard.
2. It allows easy checking for background. Reference checks are easier in top schools and there is a bigger element of trust. As a recruiter you don’t want to be embarrassed by the person you brought in.
3. It shows you can learn fast and will not be too intimidated.

If you didn’t go to a top school, you need to find ways to replicate the 3 things that recruiters look for.

1. Show incredible hardwork. If you had worked 2 years contributing to a popular Github project and have hundreds of commits to show for, it will be hard for a recruiter at Google or Facebook to not call you for an interview. Go way beyond your academics and stand out with contributions outside.
2. Build up trust by working with people that big companies trust. If you had worked on a big research project with a professor from a top lab or if you had published a good paper at a top journal or if a noted person in the industry can recommend you because you had impressed them with your intellect/skills, you satisfy the element of trust.
3. Show the ability to learn fast with your projects you have done off-school. Code for fun and build super interesting stuff. During your interview, if you could show well you thought through and built your projects, your interviewer can be quite impressed. I interview 100s of students from top colleges and I’m always astonished how few actual projects students have done. Most show cookie cutter, copied projects that any professional interviewer can see through (if you are from an IIT, please don’t show the ‘Ultransonic walking stick for the blind’ — I have seen it 300+ resumes now and I know you copied it).

Remember, the guy who has gone to a top institute has often worked quite hard to get in. To compete, you need to work twice as hard in college to make up for the lost time. No way around. If you don’t have anything interesting in college besides your mundane classwork & exams, it is super hard to rise up.

If you are from a not-so reputed college, here is the simple way out. Take the next year working for a coding project and spend 1500+ hours in it — code 4 hours a day, day after day for 365 days. I guarantee you, that is most likely to get you an interview to a top company. You can surely find 4 hours a day [there is a lot of pretend work you can do in a boring class, while you secretly hide your CLRS and build algorithms by hand] and 1 year is not too long given that you have messed up your high school by not being able to get to a good college. Don’t get sucked by the people around you — the masses are the most dangerous obstacles. You need to be nice to them, but you don’t need to be them.

-Balaji Viswanatha,BE from Thiagarajar College of Engineering,

Whom Should I marry............

I don’t know. I don’t know who you should marry.

Instead, I can tell you I look very closely at who I surround myself with.
 

So much of my life and who I become is determined by my relationships - all of them: coworkers, friends, significant others.
 

I have learned that relationships should free me. By this I mean they should inspire me, nurture me, encourage me, support me, help me grow, open me up, make me better.

They should contribute to me amassing a large collection of people who love me.
 

They are not supposed to control me, limit me, suffocate me, trap me, put me down, isolate me, keep me from what I love, turn life into a constant, exhausting negotiation where it becomes increasingly difficult to find a sliver of happiness.
 

This is as far as I can go, because who you decide to marry is up to only one person, and that is you.
 
 - Dushka Zapata

Regret Your Marriage?

Yes I do, sorry, I did.

Well it all started 2 years back when I was doing my post graduation. I had no relationships, then. And in India we have this system of horoscope, astrology and stuffs. My parents fetched my horoscope. And found out that it’s one of a kind horoscope. With huge success in personal and professional life. And i should get married before i turn 25.. I was not confident about arranged marriage but I thought if i get the guy of my choice it’s worth the risk.

And then on a fine sunday morning a red car stopped outside our house. The guys was really good looking. We talked. We thought we liked each other. I asked for another meet outside before finalizing. Then this guy tried to impress me. We agreed for the marriage. There was this initial excitement, of course. We went out once in 2 months may be. Also i was trying for jobs but in vain. And about my fiance, he was basically an introvert and a little sensitive. Had very few friends, was not into social mingling. I’m just the opposite. I love parties, fun and am happy being around people. But i thought that the differences wont be a problem if we loved each other. And then i began to notice that he is not so involved in the relationship. He never calls me. He avoids meeting me.
 

He said I’m not romantic or interesting and there was no chemistry. I was shocked. I told my parents. I thought of calling off the wedding which was in a few months. But we had a big engagement function, so could not accept the consequences. But then he said sorry and told he loves me. I was really confused.. I asked him if he is sure and then he told he wishes to be with me forever. I sighed. I was afraid of letting my parents down.. 
 

Fast forward. Wedding day was fun. Went for honeymoon. I thought that was a perfect life..for a few days. My in laws were orthodox. But it was fine. I loved them. I loved his sister like my own. We were really close. Again my hubby started his silent war. I don’t know the reasons. If i ask him why is he ignoring me he says he is like that. He is a bit indifferent except to his sis. I said okay.. we did not talk much. But this guy used to hold his sister's arms when we went out as a family. I asked him again and again why he is ignoring me but the reasons were vague.

He told I’m self centered and I had no value for money etc. My in laws were real trouble makers. And his sister also changed her attitude. They were Orthodox only when it comes to the treatment towards me. They asked me to do all the household chores, and still complained about the perfection. I fell sick after 2 weeks and they refused to take me to hospital saying I’m acting.. I was in immense pain due to urinary infection. The father in law made it a habit to abuse me. He compelled me to eat non veg, me being a vegetarian. Also they gave non veg with my food without me knowing, I had to eat it helplessly, once.

His dad said I do not deserve his son’s attention since I don’t look good and I’m not wealthy enough. I was jobless all this time worrying. My husband and the FIL had the problem of uncontrollable anger. Even in public my hus had no control. His body becomes weak and bp shoots up when he is frustrated. I was afraid to talk to him. He had physically hurt me thrice. Also he had a condition called sleep freeze once, and he showed all signs of narcolepsy.
 

And after 2 months he told me he did not want a kid from me. I began to doubt whether someone else is in his mind. Or he did not get over the past relationship. I was depressed. These people took me to my home and told that I’m impatient and i always provoke him. To my surprise they told i tried to kill their daughter, his sister. I don’t know why such an allegation was made.
  

I thought of divorce but he was not sure about it. He said we can sort out things but he was not taking any measures for it.. I asked if he could go for anger management or counselling, but the guy was adamant. He wont accept his flaws. He came over a couple of times. But made sure he did not talk with me much. I was indifferent for a while. 9 months passed with no progress. I did text him once that i need divorce but he did not respond for that.
  

I realised i have to be engaged in other activities than worrying about married life. I started reviving my passion, singing. Also started online tuition cos i loved teaching . I was against publicizing my life situations through a blog or quora. But i think this will give me a new insight into the problems. Also i want others to learn from my mistake. 
     Plus I got fed up telling lies to every single person who asks me, is everything good/hows ur husband/when are you thinking of kids etc. rather I would tell the truth.
 

And the next phase was digging up his past. I was shocked to know several details in his life before our marriage. There were two engagements which broke down eventually. No one whom we asked had a good thing to tell about him or the family. He also had seizure and had taken medication for it. We contacted the girl’s family with whom he had the second engagement and she knew more of these facts and that was the reason why they called off the marriage! 
      They even had the call records for proof. Also, the guy shouted in public at her, since her looks were not so appealing that day. That was a green flag to my decision. I’m so relieved that i saved my life and walked out of this unhealthy relationship! So girls out there, please have the courage to say no to controlling relationships. Never ever think that it’ll get better some day!
 

We applied for divorce with mutual consent. I got my first job and am moving on with my life, happily, with the help of the wonderful people around, especially my family and my dear friends :) And I got divorced in Aug 2019! End of the story.

-Kavya Gopan

Clearing RBI Grade B while working as SBI PO.....Impossible?

Time management and a little sacrifices here and there. While working in SBI, I knew that Probation period was my best window to crack RBI. Hence I optimised my schedule. The working hours in SBI are taxing indeed. It has become a 9–9 job with tremendous pressure from all directions. So, after coming from branch at around 8–8.30ish, when I sat down to study, my mind was hardly registering anything that I read.

That's when I decided to try a new schedule. After coming from branch, I directly went to sleep at 9pm and woke up at 3–3.30am. That gave me a solid 5–6 hours window in the morning until 9.30am, when I again left for branch. 

This window combined with 8–9 hours on weekend proved pivotal in I being able to complete the syllabus. Once I had synced this routine with my daily life, not once did I break it until I managed to crack the exam. The fact that I was following this schedule for some 5–6 months already when the exam came knocking, gave me sufficient confidence that I had it in me. 

All throughout this time I was posted at a remote village in Odisha (now that I look back, this posting turned out to be a blessing in disguise) where load shedding was a daily phenomenon. I remember studying for days under a emergency lantern's light. Reminiscing those days still brings a slight grin on my face.

TL:DR; There is no victory without sacrifice. There is no success without compromise.

-Arpan Roy Choudhuri

Passion

You need to be passionate about something to achieve your dreams, right?

Wrong.

Frankly, the only thing I've ever truly been passionate about is playing video games, which I could spend 8+ hours a day playing.

Everything else in my life I'd want to do for up to a few hours a day, no more.

Yet I attained a school scholarship, perfect grades in my 18+ exams, managed a solid upper second from Oxford University, became a VP at Morgan Stanley and Credit Suisse, founded several successful startups.

I absolutely love what I do - and I don't spend any of my time playing video games - I haven't for two decades.

In fact, when I'm on vacation I want to spend at least 8 hours a day working.

How does that work without passion?

You see, you don't need passion - you need a REASON. Sure, that reason could be a passion, although it rarely is. It could be helping others, money, fame, a chip on the shoulder, wanting to outdo a rival, fear of failure, or you just trying to prove a point to yourself or the whole world.

Passion is overrated - you probably can't make a career of something you love doing anyway.

So find your reason.

-Asim Qureshi,Oxford Graduate

CA is a course which I would compare with a “Shopping Mall”

This might seem funny, but I'll try and justify the same…
 

So, Can you visualise and describe this public place called “Shopping mall”? You may take help of this picture..
 

 Rich people will think of it as a status symbol, but Financially weak person will visualise them with the words such as 'Grand, Attractive, Respectable, Visual treat, Heavenly, Lifestyle' etc. etc…. In short, a great place to go…!! Isn't it?
 

Who all have access to this place? (Everyone, whatever the age may be and whoever he is, rich or poor..)
 

Is there any age restrictions to have access to the shopping malls? (Obviously not)

Is there any hefty amount which you need to pay in order to go inside and roam around? (No ways, that's why we go there more often than other places..)
 

Is it that you need to pay some random amount even if you want to touch the premium brand shirt? (No, you can just pick it up, head towards the changing room and try it without asking for anyone's permission and click a few pics as well.. and show it off on social media.. and all of it without even buying it..)
 

Is there any time restriction for entry and exit on per individual basis? (No, not at all… you can stay there as long as you want, and keep searching for the stuff which your pocket can afford…)
 

---

 
If you're reading this answer and if you're a CA student, you would already have got the idea of what I am talking about..
 

The reason why most people fail to complete CA is, it is more accessible than most of the other professional courses..
 

CA Course has a huge entry gate, the most attractive “Welcome” board, and while entering, everyone carries equal amount of opportunity in their pockets!! but Everyone who goes in are not the ones who can manage to pay their hardwork at the billing desk and take the degree to their home..!!

• Grand image, Respectable profession, Reputation, Earning potential, Lifestyle..
 

• It has no hi-fi prerequisite qualification requirements. Any person who has cleared 12th standard can enter into the CA course.. and graduates can also use the ‘elevator’ (directly to the second floor)…
 

• There's no cost involved in order to get into the course.. no hefty admission fees, no donations, no merit requirements… and not much struggle to get inside the course..
 

• There's no time constraint involved. You may enter at any age (after 12th) and exit at any age..
 

• You get perks in your teenage. You get paid for learning for 3 years in the form of stipend.. you can use it for paying your classes fees (to some extent at least)…
  

So CA is not at all costly in terms of Money involved.. it welcomes everyone, whether rich or poor, intelligent or average…No reservations!! anyone can test their capabilities… but we need to prove our worth, we need to decide whether we would want to come out with or without the degree…It is very liberal unlike CFA, MBA or any other similar course, which attracts and allows only those people who fit into their criteria of entrance…
 

But yes, CA is way too costly in terms of efforts which we need to put in order to succeed and get that qualification which commands lods of respect..
 

Anyone can go to a mall and 'try’ a premium brand shirt, but it requires tremendous amount of efforts for buying and owning that shirt…So, If you're already into this course, make most out of it. No matter how many times you've tried, hustle hard and reach to the 3rd floor, and do come out wearing that costliest shirt in the entire mall…
 

Thanks for reading (please excuse grammatical mistakes…)
 

Cheers..

-Hardik Hindocha

Wana toughen up? Do this....

For a period of time in college, I worked as a construction laborer for 20–30 hours per week. I needed money for 3 main reasons. I had a girlfriend who wanted to go out once in a while, I was burning through a lot of ammo, and I wanted to start saving. My dad and a small scholarship I won paid for my tuition, board, and food, but my dad refused to give me any extra cash.

I didn't want to deliver pizzas or work in a campus store because those jobs were boring and didn't pay that much. There was a company doing construction work near campus and I decided to try to get a job the old fashioned way. I drove to the construction site, knocked on the trailer, and went inside. The guy inside looked at me with impatience and asked me who the hell I was and what I wanted. I explained my situation and asked if he had anything entry level and part-time. He said, they were looking for a general labor guy and I said I would take it. He said something like “hold your horses” and proceeded to ask me about school, my work experience, where I’m from, if I owned any tools, etc. After talking for a few minutes, he looked at me quizzically and said he would put me on the job for a week on a trial basis. I also got paid $1.50 less than the other new guys, but it was still pretty decent money.

I showed up to work the next 3 days and did 24 hours. The other guys on the crew showed me the ropes and I picked up the necessary skills quickly. At the end of day 3, the foreman told me that I could work there for the next few months. I was pretty strong and refused to quit no matter how cold and painful the job was, so the older guys on the crew started calling me “Herc”. I’ll be honest, that made me feel like a badass. Apparently, the older guys bet that I would quit after the first week. They were surprised that an upper middle class kid of Indian ethnicity would work in construction while going to school. It’s definitely not common and I’m proud that I was able to stick it out.

Over the next 3 months, I worked my ass off in the blistering Pennsylvania cold and saved close to $2,500. It was the greatest learning experience of my life. I worked with guys who were mostly from poor backgrounds. They had to work for every morsel of food they ate from the time they were teenagers. They didn't have a comfortable upper middle class upbringing like me. I learned about the working class lifestyle, work ethic, taking pride in what you do, and the value of a hard day’s work. I have never worked that hard in my life, before or since.

My grades suffered a little, but not much. I was exhausted after every shift but the quality of sleep I got was amazing. I went to sleep fully satisfied with what I had done after each working day. The job made me tough and I had much more confidence. I developed true faith in myself. If shit hit the fan, I could take care of and provide for myself. Not many college kids can say that.

The guys in the construction crew were an honor group. Everybody took care of each other and worked together to achieve a common goal. I haven't felt that kind of camaraderie in any job I ever did before or since then.

I recommend all my low skill mentees work in construction to start with. You wanna become a tough bastard? Work in construction.

-Aditya Chhabra

5 Self Awareness Questions to oneself

The first is how I use my time. Do I feel I have none? Am I very busy, with nothing to show for it? How can what I do have more meaning? How can it incrementally amount to something important to me?

Forget about big, sweeping changes. Look at the small things. What I do every day results in something. What is it that I am doing every day?
  
  

The second is how I connect to others. Does it feel like learning, like an opening, like inspiration, like wow? Or does it feel like gossiping and complaining is what connects me to others? The second is not real communication - it’s like walking on a treadmill, expending energy but going nowhere.
  

The third is my regard for my past. Am I angry, bitter, full of resentment, remorse? Do I wish I could change it, take it back? Or can I see it as the reason why I am who I am today? Can I regard it with gratitude for what it has given me?

 

The fourth is how I treat myself. Do I take care of myself, make choices that are nourishing in every sense of the word? How does what I do to myself make me feel, and how can I make myself feel loved, taken care of, safe? How can I give to myself what I once expected others to give me?
  

Finally, I look at my thoughts. Are they indivisible from me or can I create space between me and them? If they tell me I am not enough, am I in a place where I can defy them? I see you, thought, and I don’t believe you.

-Dushka Zapata

Being kind to Narcissist?

• Kindness vs. Stupidity

I believe that we should be kind to everyone, not just Narcissists. However, we should not be stupid. If someone repeatedly hurts you on purpose and does not care about your feelings, you need to avoid them—whatever their diagnosis.

I love children, but if one is swinging a machete, I back away so I do not get hurt. Then I try and get the kid to drop the weapon.

• Can Narcissists “Help” their Behavior?

Of course, Narcissists can help their behavior. The proof is that while many people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder make life miserable for their family or people who work for them:

1. They can quickly shift to being quite nice to anyone whose approval they want.
2. They rarely abuse anyone who can put them in jail.
3. They are unlikely to abuse someone in front of someone they want to impress who would then think badly of them.
4. Even when they are physically abusive to people, they generally can control how far they take out their anger on the other person.

They may not be able to control how they feel, but they definitely can choose how to express their feelings.

• Psychotherapy for NPD

In addition, there are effective psychotherapy treatments for Narcissistic issues. Other people go to therapy when their issues cause problems for themselves and those they claim to love. There is no reason why we should not hold people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to the same standard.

 

Punchline: There is a difference between being kind and tolerating abusive behavior. If you really want to be kind to the Narcissists in your life, you can help them to bolster their self-esteem by generously acknowledging them for the good things that they do and their real talents. In this way you support them without encouraging bad behaviors.

  

-Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

This trait is destructive

A friend once called and asked to borrow money from me and I said no.

She told me later that my lack of hesitation shocked her.

My friend spends beyond her means and owes many people money.

I love her, am always happy to lend her my ear and take her to lunch, and will not allow money to affect our friendship.

I trust her completely. I trust her to be exactly who she is.

If at any point she (or anyone else) perceives my refusal to lend a good friend money as "selfish", I am not too concerned.

It's so easy to confuse the concept of "selflessness" with what is actually better defined as poor boundaries.

If I am repeatedly manipulated or targeted, this does not in any way mean I am too nice.

It means my boundaries are unclear.

This trait is destructive, affects my ability to establish healthy relationships and is unrelated to a generosity of spirit.

-Dushka Zapata