For all that is.................

For all that is worth, it is never too late to start anew.
 

At a point in my life, I wasn’t performing the best in my career, lost my friends, saw death of my dearest grandfather, and suffered from a life threatening disease.
 

I cried every night and wanted to end my life as ‘no one liked me enough’!
 

But there came a day when I realised that it's me and everything I think about is more in my brain than in actual life.
 

I started focusing on my career, gave importance to the people who truly mattered, spared time for my hobbies and decided to let go of that wasn’t letting me grow.
 

If you are being mistreated, it’s them and not you!
 

This quote has been the most powerful thing in my life.
 

I think everyone who is reading this can relate to it at some point in their life.

Every time we are mistreated or cheated, we blame our own self instead of blaming the person who is doing it.
 

If I gave the best of myself to someone and they did not do the same thing to me, I used to blame my own self and suffer.
 

At the end of the day, it is important to know that if someone is not being nice to you, it's them and not you.

Let not anyone’s negativity affect your awesomeness.
 

Let go of those who are already gone.
 

We will never be able to live our present happily if we decide to remain trapped in our past.

There was someone in my life whose presence meant everything to me. Things did not go the way I expected it to go and I lost that person before I could even begin my life with him.
 

My GPA dropped, lost 20 pounds in 2.5 months, had suicidal thoughts, and suffered from intense depression.
 

There came a day when I told myself that it's enough and I need to move on. It was difficult, it took time and I still don’t know if I am over it.
 

But it has been one of the best decisions of my life. I started exploring things that I never did before.

Its difficult to let go, but once you do, it becomes the easiest thing in the world.
 

This too shall pass
 

Everyone has their low phases. At that point of time, we may feel that everything is over and you have nothing left to live for.
 

But trust me, from my own experience I could say that it will pass, it has to pass.

I know it's easy to say and I have experienced the pain of passing through it.
 

But try to be courageous and believe in the fact that it's just a matter of time because clouds can only prevent sunshine for a certain period of time.
 

And believe me, I started appreciating all the good things that happen to me now only because I have seen the ugly ones.

It has been five years since I decided not to suffer anymore and life has been a blessing!
 

 (I travelled alone for the first time to a new country)
 

 
(Started my own non-profit venture where I support children’s education)
 

 
(I have some amazing friends now)
 

(Recently, I got a chance to host an education delegation to the University of Cambridge and Oxford which was a dream come true!)

Issues are still the same, but changing perception made a lot of difference!

-Shivani Trivedi

Discovering and clearly outlining your boundaries is how you love yourself: a boundary means you put your own needs over another person’s demands on you.

Learning how to state your boundaries is really necessary, really difficult and an act of courage. It implies you have to love yourself and respect your needs enough to say “I am willing to disappoint you. If you think less of me or lose interest in me because of this, so be it. I love you but would rather lose you than lose myself.”

When your boundaries are respected, you are respected. You feel heard and seen.

When they are not respected, you feel resentful, anxious, stressed, confused and unsafe.

Good, respected boundaries = healthy relationships.

 

-Dushka Zapata

Red Flags

1. We are often the “fixers.” We want to fix the relationship after a fight. But that gets old really fast. After three or four fights, you will notice that you are only the one trying to fix it. Stop. Stop doing yourself a disservice. He doesn’t care. You deserve someone who will put in the same effort into the relationship as you do. Walk away.

1. Don’t use sex as a weapon. Sex will not keep a man. If you used sex to lure him to you, I bet you there is another woman who is better and can just as easily take him away from you. A relationship should be more than sex. If sex is your only leverage, then that relationship has a short lifespan.

1. You dictate when to have sex (in the beginning of the relationship.) If you feel pressured into having sex, before you are comfortable, then this is not a relationship worth pursuing. Your sole worth shouldn’t be sex. Don’t ever use sex as compensation for attention, time, or validation. It will go south really fast. Your self esteem will suffer.

1. If you constantly have to check his social media accounts to make sure he’s not cheating, then that relationship isn’t for you. You shouldn’t ever have to put yourself in a position to constantly doubt his faithfulness to you. If you don’t trust him, then you shouldn’t date him.

1. Be honest with your expectations. If you lie in the beginning, it will be much harder to bring up the longer you wait. If you know your boyfriend wants kids, but you refuse to have children, then you need to communicate that with him. Neither of you are wrong, you just want different things. You should give him the opportunity to be with someone who can give him what he wants, instead of denying it to him.

1. Don’t rush to make any major decisions. Don’t move in after knowing each other for a month, to “save money.” You two barely know each other. You have no idea if you two will be compatible enough to live with each other. Take your time to learn about your significant other, before you decide on longterm decisions.

1. What are your nonnegotiable(s)? If he has a child from a previous girlfriend, and is paying child support, how does that affect your relationship? Are you willing to include his child into your family? You need to understand what core values you have and stick by them. Don’t bend your values for anyone. It will breed resentment.

1. Are you in a relationship because you truly love him? Or are you lonely? This is a hard question to ask yourself. Chances are, the answer is the latter. Don’t stay in a relationship solely because you are lonely. The unhappiness attached to it, isn’t worth it.

1. His insecurities regarding you, isn’t your problem. If you are making more money than him, and it bothers him, you need to sit and evaluate the relationship. Is the constant fighting worth it? If your boyfriend tells you, that you need to find a lower paying job, hand over a portion of your check to him, or even quit all together, then you need to step away. You are an adult capable of your own decisions. He doesn’t dictate what you do.

1. Trips, social media postings, date nights are all fun and amazing. But what about the tough moments? Job loss, family deaths, weight gain. Do you both support each other during the tough times? If he isn’t available for you during the hard times, then it’s not a relationship worth keeping. Women need emotional and mental support. Why be in a relationship with someone, if you have to shoulder it all alone?

1. Take the time to learn about your significant other. Learn their habits, interests, pet peeves, goals, dreams, etc. Your significant other, should become your best friend. You should be able to share everything with him, without fear of abuse, judgment or shame. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells, then you won’t be happy in the relationship long term. Is it worth staying in a relationship if you are unhappy?

1. We are all entitled to the bare minimum in a relationship. Which is: love, compassion, empathy, respect, communication, patience, appreciation, honesty and loyalty. This is not a high standard for ANYONE. If your significant other isn’t able to meet these few criterias, then your relationship is not healthy. It will rot from the inside out then leave you battered and bruised. Save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

 -Waheda Islam, B.S. Criminal Justice & Writing

“JUST DO IT”

I am rarely motivated every day to do even my assigned task.

I usually feel lazy and dispirited when I have to do any task.

I often wish if I can avoid the task somehow.

However, instead of avoiding the task, I use the following three words to get my motivation back.

And these three words are.

“JUST DO IT”

I simply ignore my mood and just go ahead doing what I am required to do.

And here comes the greatest surprise.

Within a few minutes of starting my work, I realize that I am actually enjoying my work.

I feel so motivated that I don’t even realize how quickly the time passes and the task is accomplished.

After the work is over, I feel extreme joy and satisfaction for performing my job well.

Hence, if you are suffering from demotivation, don’t just say these magical three words, but “JUST DO IT”.

You have perhaps heard the saying: “Action speaks louder than the words.”

It may be truer to say: ‘Action motivates faster than the words.
 

-Awdhesh Singh,(ex-IRS,M.Tech-IIT)

Working in Google after BE from Tier 3 College,Possible?

Yes. Absolutely. My first job from campus was at Microsoft HQ in Redmond as a SDE in the much coveted Core OS team of Windows. Microsoft was at that time the world’s largest tech company and Windows was its crown jewel. I had 3 competing offers — from Google and 2 other tech companies. I didn’t go to a top university. That didn’t limit what kind of jobs I could get and this is despite the tech economy not being as hot as it is today.

Top companies hire thousands of people each year and it is very hard for them to fill solely on the basis of degrees. MIT and Stanford barely produce 100 odd CS majors each year. The same is true for most top notch schools around the world. And many of these graduates love to do something else besides working for a big corporation. While tech recruiters absolutely love students from top institutions they are also in the look out for top talent coming from outside the traditional academic system.

The reason recruiters look for top schools is because:

1. It shows strong work ethic and commitment. Getting into and graduating out of a top school shows that you can work hard. You might not be a genius, but you can work hard.
2. It allows easy checking for background. Reference checks are easier in top schools and there is a bigger element of trust. As a recruiter you don’t want to be embarrassed by the person you brought in.
3. It shows you can learn fast and will not be too intimidated.

If you didn’t go to a top school, you need to find ways to replicate the 3 things that recruiters look for.

1. Show incredible hardwork. If you had worked 2 years contributing to a popular Github project and have hundreds of commits to show for, it will be hard for a recruiter at Google or Facebook to not call you for an interview. Go way beyond your academics and stand out with contributions outside.
2. Build up trust by working with people that big companies trust. If you had worked on a big research project with a professor from a top lab or if you had published a good paper at a top journal or if a noted person in the industry can recommend you because you had impressed them with your intellect/skills, you satisfy the element of trust.
3. Show the ability to learn fast with your projects you have done off-school. Code for fun and build super interesting stuff. During your interview, if you could show well you thought through and built your projects, your interviewer can be quite impressed. I interview 100s of students from top colleges and I’m always astonished how few actual projects students have done. Most show cookie cutter, copied projects that any professional interviewer can see through (if you are from an IIT, please don’t show the ‘Ultransonic walking stick for the blind’ — I have seen it 300+ resumes now and I know you copied it).

Remember, the guy who has gone to a top institute has often worked quite hard to get in. To compete, you need to work twice as hard in college to make up for the lost time. No way around. If you don’t have anything interesting in college besides your mundane classwork & exams, it is super hard to rise up.

If you are from a not-so reputed college, here is the simple way out. Take the next year working for a coding project and spend 1500+ hours in it — code 4 hours a day, day after day for 365 days. I guarantee you, that is most likely to get you an interview to a top company. You can surely find 4 hours a day [there is a lot of pretend work you can do in a boring class, while you secretly hide your CLRS and build algorithms by hand] and 1 year is not too long given that you have messed up your high school by not being able to get to a good college. Don’t get sucked by the people around you — the masses are the most dangerous obstacles. You need to be nice to them, but you don’t need to be them.

-Balaji Viswanatha,BE from Thiagarajar College of Engineering,

Whom Should I marry............

I don’t know. I don’t know who you should marry.

Instead, I can tell you I look very closely at who I surround myself with.
 

So much of my life and who I become is determined by my relationships - all of them: coworkers, friends, significant others.
 

I have learned that relationships should free me. By this I mean they should inspire me, nurture me, encourage me, support me, help me grow, open me up, make me better.

They should contribute to me amassing a large collection of people who love me.
 

They are not supposed to control me, limit me, suffocate me, trap me, put me down, isolate me, keep me from what I love, turn life into a constant, exhausting negotiation where it becomes increasingly difficult to find a sliver of happiness.
 

This is as far as I can go, because who you decide to marry is up to only one person, and that is you.
 
 - Dushka Zapata

Regret Your Marriage?

Yes I do, sorry, I did.

Well it all started 2 years back when I was doing my post graduation. I had no relationships, then. And in India we have this system of horoscope, astrology and stuffs. My parents fetched my horoscope. And found out that it’s one of a kind horoscope. With huge success in personal and professional life. And i should get married before i turn 25.. I was not confident about arranged marriage but I thought if i get the guy of my choice it’s worth the risk.

And then on a fine sunday morning a red car stopped outside our house. The guys was really good looking. We talked. We thought we liked each other. I asked for another meet outside before finalizing. Then this guy tried to impress me. We agreed for the marriage. There was this initial excitement, of course. We went out once in 2 months may be. Also i was trying for jobs but in vain. And about my fiance, he was basically an introvert and a little sensitive. Had very few friends, was not into social mingling. I’m just the opposite. I love parties, fun and am happy being around people. But i thought that the differences wont be a problem if we loved each other. And then i began to notice that he is not so involved in the relationship. He never calls me. He avoids meeting me.
 

He said I’m not romantic or interesting and there was no chemistry. I was shocked. I told my parents. I thought of calling off the wedding which was in a few months. But we had a big engagement function, so could not accept the consequences. But then he said sorry and told he loves me. I was really confused.. I asked him if he is sure and then he told he wishes to be with me forever. I sighed. I was afraid of letting my parents down.. 
 

Fast forward. Wedding day was fun. Went for honeymoon. I thought that was a perfect life..for a few days. My in laws were orthodox. But it was fine. I loved them. I loved his sister like my own. We were really close. Again my hubby started his silent war. I don’t know the reasons. If i ask him why is he ignoring me he says he is like that. He is a bit indifferent except to his sis. I said okay.. we did not talk much. But this guy used to hold his sister's arms when we went out as a family. I asked him again and again why he is ignoring me but the reasons were vague.

He told I’m self centered and I had no value for money etc. My in laws were real trouble makers. And his sister also changed her attitude. They were Orthodox only when it comes to the treatment towards me. They asked me to do all the household chores, and still complained about the perfection. I fell sick after 2 weeks and they refused to take me to hospital saying I’m acting.. I was in immense pain due to urinary infection. The father in law made it a habit to abuse me. He compelled me to eat non veg, me being a vegetarian. Also they gave non veg with my food without me knowing, I had to eat it helplessly, once.

His dad said I do not deserve his son’s attention since I don’t look good and I’m not wealthy enough. I was jobless all this time worrying. My husband and the FIL had the problem of uncontrollable anger. Even in public my hus had no control. His body becomes weak and bp shoots up when he is frustrated. I was afraid to talk to him. He had physically hurt me thrice. Also he had a condition called sleep freeze once, and he showed all signs of narcolepsy.
 

And after 2 months he told me he did not want a kid from me. I began to doubt whether someone else is in his mind. Or he did not get over the past relationship. I was depressed. These people took me to my home and told that I’m impatient and i always provoke him. To my surprise they told i tried to kill their daughter, his sister. I don’t know why such an allegation was made.
  

I thought of divorce but he was not sure about it. He said we can sort out things but he was not taking any measures for it.. I asked if he could go for anger management or counselling, but the guy was adamant. He wont accept his flaws. He came over a couple of times. But made sure he did not talk with me much. I was indifferent for a while. 9 months passed with no progress. I did text him once that i need divorce but he did not respond for that.
  

I realised i have to be engaged in other activities than worrying about married life. I started reviving my passion, singing. Also started online tuition cos i loved teaching . I was against publicizing my life situations through a blog or quora. But i think this will give me a new insight into the problems. Also i want others to learn from my mistake. 
     Plus I got fed up telling lies to every single person who asks me, is everything good/hows ur husband/when are you thinking of kids etc. rather I would tell the truth.
 

And the next phase was digging up his past. I was shocked to know several details in his life before our marriage. There were two engagements which broke down eventually. No one whom we asked had a good thing to tell about him or the family. He also had seizure and had taken medication for it. We contacted the girl’s family with whom he had the second engagement and she knew more of these facts and that was the reason why they called off the marriage! 
      They even had the call records for proof. Also, the guy shouted in public at her, since her looks were not so appealing that day. That was a green flag to my decision. I’m so relieved that i saved my life and walked out of this unhealthy relationship! So girls out there, please have the courage to say no to controlling relationships. Never ever think that it’ll get better some day!
 

We applied for divorce with mutual consent. I got my first job and am moving on with my life, happily, with the help of the wonderful people around, especially my family and my dear friends :) And I got divorced in Aug 2019! End of the story.

-Kavya Gopan

Clearing RBI Grade B while working as SBI PO.....Impossible?

Time management and a little sacrifices here and there. While working in SBI, I knew that Probation period was my best window to crack RBI. Hence I optimised my schedule. The working hours in SBI are taxing indeed. It has become a 9–9 job with tremendous pressure from all directions. So, after coming from branch at around 8–8.30ish, when I sat down to study, my mind was hardly registering anything that I read.

That's when I decided to try a new schedule. After coming from branch, I directly went to sleep at 9pm and woke up at 3–3.30am. That gave me a solid 5–6 hours window in the morning until 9.30am, when I again left for branch. 

This window combined with 8–9 hours on weekend proved pivotal in I being able to complete the syllabus. Once I had synced this routine with my daily life, not once did I break it until I managed to crack the exam. The fact that I was following this schedule for some 5–6 months already when the exam came knocking, gave me sufficient confidence that I had it in me. 

All throughout this time I was posted at a remote village in Odisha (now that I look back, this posting turned out to be a blessing in disguise) where load shedding was a daily phenomenon. I remember studying for days under a emergency lantern's light. Reminiscing those days still brings a slight grin on my face.

TL:DR; There is no victory without sacrifice. There is no success without compromise.

-Arpan Roy Choudhuri

Passion

You need to be passionate about something to achieve your dreams, right?

Wrong.

Frankly, the only thing I've ever truly been passionate about is playing video games, which I could spend 8+ hours a day playing.

Everything else in my life I'd want to do for up to a few hours a day, no more.

Yet I attained a school scholarship, perfect grades in my 18+ exams, managed a solid upper second from Oxford University, became a VP at Morgan Stanley and Credit Suisse, founded several successful startups.

I absolutely love what I do - and I don't spend any of my time playing video games - I haven't for two decades.

In fact, when I'm on vacation I want to spend at least 8 hours a day working.

How does that work without passion?

You see, you don't need passion - you need a REASON. Sure, that reason could be a passion, although it rarely is. It could be helping others, money, fame, a chip on the shoulder, wanting to outdo a rival, fear of failure, or you just trying to prove a point to yourself or the whole world.

Passion is overrated - you probably can't make a career of something you love doing anyway.

So find your reason.

-Asim Qureshi,Oxford Graduate

CA is a course which I would compare with a “Shopping Mall”

This might seem funny, but I'll try and justify the same…
 

So, Can you visualise and describe this public place called “Shopping mall”? You may take help of this picture..
 

 Rich people will think of it as a status symbol, but Financially weak person will visualise them with the words such as 'Grand, Attractive, Respectable, Visual treat, Heavenly, Lifestyle' etc. etc…. In short, a great place to go…!! Isn't it?
 

Who all have access to this place? (Everyone, whatever the age may be and whoever he is, rich or poor..)
 

Is there any age restrictions to have access to the shopping malls? (Obviously not)

Is there any hefty amount which you need to pay in order to go inside and roam around? (No ways, that's why we go there more often than other places..)
 

Is it that you need to pay some random amount even if you want to touch the premium brand shirt? (No, you can just pick it up, head towards the changing room and try it without asking for anyone's permission and click a few pics as well.. and show it off on social media.. and all of it without even buying it..)
 

Is there any time restriction for entry and exit on per individual basis? (No, not at all… you can stay there as long as you want, and keep searching for the stuff which your pocket can afford…)
 

---

 
If you're reading this answer and if you're a CA student, you would already have got the idea of what I am talking about..
 

The reason why most people fail to complete CA is, it is more accessible than most of the other professional courses..
 

CA Course has a huge entry gate, the most attractive “Welcome” board, and while entering, everyone carries equal amount of opportunity in their pockets!! but Everyone who goes in are not the ones who can manage to pay their hardwork at the billing desk and take the degree to their home..!!

• Grand image, Respectable profession, Reputation, Earning potential, Lifestyle..
 

• It has no hi-fi prerequisite qualification requirements. Any person who has cleared 12th standard can enter into the CA course.. and graduates can also use the ‘elevator’ (directly to the second floor)…
 

• There's no cost involved in order to get into the course.. no hefty admission fees, no donations, no merit requirements… and not much struggle to get inside the course..
 

• There's no time constraint involved. You may enter at any age (after 12th) and exit at any age..
 

• You get perks in your teenage. You get paid for learning for 3 years in the form of stipend.. you can use it for paying your classes fees (to some extent at least)…
  

So CA is not at all costly in terms of Money involved.. it welcomes everyone, whether rich or poor, intelligent or average…No reservations!! anyone can test their capabilities… but we need to prove our worth, we need to decide whether we would want to come out with or without the degree…It is very liberal unlike CFA, MBA or any other similar course, which attracts and allows only those people who fit into their criteria of entrance…
 

But yes, CA is way too costly in terms of efforts which we need to put in order to succeed and get that qualification which commands lods of respect..
 

Anyone can go to a mall and 'try’ a premium brand shirt, but it requires tremendous amount of efforts for buying and owning that shirt…So, If you're already into this course, make most out of it. No matter how many times you've tried, hustle hard and reach to the 3rd floor, and do come out wearing that costliest shirt in the entire mall…
 

Thanks for reading (please excuse grammatical mistakes…)
 

Cheers..

-Hardik Hindocha

Wana toughen up? Do this....

For a period of time in college, I worked as a construction laborer for 20–30 hours per week. I needed money for 3 main reasons. I had a girlfriend who wanted to go out once in a while, I was burning through a lot of ammo, and I wanted to start saving. My dad and a small scholarship I won paid for my tuition, board, and food, but my dad refused to give me any extra cash.

I didn't want to deliver pizzas or work in a campus store because those jobs were boring and didn't pay that much. There was a company doing construction work near campus and I decided to try to get a job the old fashioned way. I drove to the construction site, knocked on the trailer, and went inside. The guy inside looked at me with impatience and asked me who the hell I was and what I wanted. I explained my situation and asked if he had anything entry level and part-time. He said, they were looking for a general labor guy and I said I would take it. He said something like “hold your horses” and proceeded to ask me about school, my work experience, where I’m from, if I owned any tools, etc. After talking for a few minutes, he looked at me quizzically and said he would put me on the job for a week on a trial basis. I also got paid $1.50 less than the other new guys, but it was still pretty decent money.

I showed up to work the next 3 days and did 24 hours. The other guys on the crew showed me the ropes and I picked up the necessary skills quickly. At the end of day 3, the foreman told me that I could work there for the next few months. I was pretty strong and refused to quit no matter how cold and painful the job was, so the older guys on the crew started calling me “Herc”. I’ll be honest, that made me feel like a badass. Apparently, the older guys bet that I would quit after the first week. They were surprised that an upper middle class kid of Indian ethnicity would work in construction while going to school. It’s definitely not common and I’m proud that I was able to stick it out.

Over the next 3 months, I worked my ass off in the blistering Pennsylvania cold and saved close to $2,500. It was the greatest learning experience of my life. I worked with guys who were mostly from poor backgrounds. They had to work for every morsel of food they ate from the time they were teenagers. They didn't have a comfortable upper middle class upbringing like me. I learned about the working class lifestyle, work ethic, taking pride in what you do, and the value of a hard day’s work. I have never worked that hard in my life, before or since.

My grades suffered a little, but not much. I was exhausted after every shift but the quality of sleep I got was amazing. I went to sleep fully satisfied with what I had done after each working day. The job made me tough and I had much more confidence. I developed true faith in myself. If shit hit the fan, I could take care of and provide for myself. Not many college kids can say that.

The guys in the construction crew were an honor group. Everybody took care of each other and worked together to achieve a common goal. I haven't felt that kind of camaraderie in any job I ever did before or since then.

I recommend all my low skill mentees work in construction to start with. You wanna become a tough bastard? Work in construction.

-Aditya Chhabra