The Separate Virginity Manual For Women

The separate virginity manual for women.

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Firstly, let me tell you there is nothing wrong if a person wants to marry a virgin partner.

As I have mentioned in many of my answers, marriage is a personal choice one makes. And it is purely upto him or her, regarding whom they want to be with. Everyone has the right to choose what they want and live the life they wish, free from all judgements.

But—

The way this virginity is parameterized differently for women and seen as a regal hallmark reeks of strong misogynistic attitude.

Let me explain with an easier example.

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There is this 1981 so-called classic film Mouna Geethangal.

The plot goes like this — The protagonist is a happily married person. He cheats on his wife by having a one night stand with a widow. Later he accidentally blabbers about that sexcapade to his wife. She gets separated from him and the rest of film shows how nice of a person he is. In fact towards the climax he threatens to marry another girl. Changed, his wife comes there, begs him not to marry another girl, and when he refuses, she dares to die with her son.

This masterpiece ran for two years straight when it released. It is considered as a great film even today. You can see the comments raving about it here 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd4ZGgVyFW8&feature=youtu.be

  

 

And then, there is this 2017 short film Lakshmi.

It is about a housewife with a disinterested husband, who is not satisfying her sexually or emotionally and even has an affair going on outside marriage. She feels gets attracted to painter, who keeps appreciating her beauty.

This film was ripped apart on social media for spoiling the culture and corrupting traditions(

https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/tamil/lakshmi-short-film-review-why-we-need-to-re-think-about-how-we-see-women-on-screen-4932778/

)

. Most of the comments below the video were of the tone ‘I wish she didn’t have sex with him. They remained as just friends. Housewives expect a good friend not like this’

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Why is there such a vast difference between a man’s sexual independence and women’s sexual independence?

Why is the former treated like some paragraph on page-454 of The Great Indian Culture, and why the later is considered as the coverpage of the The Great indian Culture?

For women alone, why this ‘virginity’ is given so much importance to the extent that it is considered as a measure of her purity?

This ‘preferential’ treatment is the actual problem in the society.

The way this virginity is overrated and considered as a checklist specifically for women is a sign of toxic patriarchy. It is not about one man’s preference anymore, rather it is the whole society ganging up to stereotype women.

This fear has gone to an extent, when a girl realises that she is in a toxic relationship, she refuses to come out of it and still continue to be in it as she was physically involved with the guy. She thinks coming out of it will only make things worse for her.

Even today, there are cases, people reject a marriage proposal just because the girl has many photos with guys in her social media profiles.

The fact that the society makes the ‘men’ to climb a pedestal up and then ask them ‘Will you give a chance to women who is not a virgin?’ assuming that the women are at their feet, seeking the validation from these men is an insane outdatedness and stupid social norm that must go.

  

     -Srinath Nalluri,M.Sc., B. Eng. Mechanical Engineering, National University of Singapore (2020)