Your Life Will Change

 

The best and the fastest way to improve life is to—

Stop complaining.

Just stop it.

Go 7 days without complaining.

Then after 7 days, see how you feel, and go another 7 days. Then go 30 days.

Your life will change.

Let me explain.

First, why do we complain?

• We complain because it’s easy. It’s easier to stay in a job that you hate and complain about it each day than it is to do the research, tailor your resume, expand your network, and find a new a job.
• We complain because it’s how we start small talk. It’s less effort to make an obvious remark about the economy being shitty than it is to muster up the courage and strike a conversation with a stranger that starts with a compliment or a question.
• We complain because we’re addicted. It’s low-brain, endless activity to rattle off all the things wrong with the world and how you’re the victim and you’re right and life owes you.

OK so you just complained, now what?

• Whatever you were complaining about is still a problem. Those minutes of “feel good get it off my chest” could have been used towards actually fixing it.
• Maybe you made a new friend who also loves to also complain (oh fabulous) so now you two have this clusterf*ck of negativity whirring all around you
• You complaining is not valuable or useful to anyone. And you know what—

People do not care what you have to complain about.

Now let’s take the long term view.

Perhaps you drag yourself through life always complaining — about the smaller things (didn’t bring cash to a cash-only cafe, someone honked at you, etc.) and the bigger things (your landlord says she’s selling the building, your boss underpays you, etc).

It has become your MO.

Something happens, you complain. This is how you function.

Here’s the hard truth—

1. Life does not owe you anything
   When we were infants and we wanted something, we cried. Then hands would magically appear to cradle us, hold us close, and feed us milk.
   
   Some adults still approach life like this. They complain because they think if they complain enough, the problem will get fixed.
   
   No one is coming to save you.
   
   And all that energy you use on complaining could be used on (a) figuring out a solution or (b) changing your attitude about it.
   
   We’re all dealt our own cards.
   
   What you need to do is watch Will Smith’s “Fault VS. Responsibility” talk on YouTube.
2. The more you talk about something, the more power give to it
   If we were friends in my early 20s, you knew about my father. You’d hear me rant and worry and talk about how fucked up my situation is and how I’m stressed about it.
   
   I thought I had to atleast mention it because it always on my mind and my heart.
   
   But it’s the opposite—
   
   The more I talked about it, the more space I let it mentally and emotionally occupy. Every time I talk about it, I have to think about it and relive it.
   
   One morning, I made a promise to myself to stop bringing up my father or the details of my home life in conversation. No more.
   
   And in time, I talked about other things in my life. I started to build friendships on stronger, more positive foundations. My mind and my heart were filled with my passion for running, public speaking, and meeting people.
   
   And my father’s “space” in my head got smaller and smaller.
3. What you keep doing becomes part of your personal brand
   People remember what is most consistent. If you’re always the girl who keeps complaining about shit, you’re going to stop getting invited places.
   
   We all know someone who always wants to complain — are they the first person you call to share good news?
   
   Exactly.

Complaining is unproductive. It’s toxic language and it amplifies the negative in your life.

The next time you feel like complaining OR you realize that you’re already doing it, make the conscious choice to stop.

"Life instantly improves when you don’t blame other people and focus on what you can control." - James Clear

   

 -Kaila J. Lim