I
have a PhD. That's an absolutely amazing academic accomplishment, no? A
lot of people have doctorates. Yet, I'm part of the ~2.5% of Americans
with one. That means that over 97% of the US population doesn't have
one.
I wasn't the
valedictorian of my high school class. I got B's. Hell, I even got C's
(mostly in history though). My senior year of high school, my hardest
class, Advanced Placement Physics was a 2 year AP class crammed into 1
year. It was hard. I spent hours daily studying and going over my
materials. The grade I got in return for my hard work? C. For the life
of me, I just couldn't remember everything.
Does
that somehow invalidate my academic accomplishments? No. In fact, it's
because I worked hard and still only got a C in a class that I knew I
had what it takes to keep going.
Kids
who never fail are robbed of crucial life lessons. Additionally,
research has shown that the kids who outperform their peers academically
in school do NOT go on to be more successful as adults. In fact, they
have a more difficult time as adults when things are not easy or require
effort and time to learn and master. They are more likely to give up,
suffer from anxiety and depression, and have greater issues with
relationships because they never learned how to handle rejection and
failure properly.
Don't
teach them to be perfect; you're not even perfect. Teach them to work
hard and do what they need to do to be successful. If they've tried
their best, and worked their tail off, then they should be happy with
whatever their grade is, even if it's a 70. Would you rather a kid who
never pushes themself to take challenging coursework for the fear of
getting a B, so they take all easy courses? I could have easily not
taken physics at all in high school. It wouldn't have hurt me not to. I
didn't need the class. I took it to challenge myself. What would I have
learned about myself? That I refuse to try if I don't think I'll be
perfect? That's a horrible lesson to teach your child.
My
oldest is in an AP class right now that he's struggling in. His grade
last term was a 70. This is a kid who skipped a year of math. He's
smart. He challenged himself, and he's struggling. I'm proud that he is
working hard to learn it. If the 70 is the best he can do, why punish
that? I know he's working hard on it, he's going for extra help, he's
using multiple resources to try and learn it.
The
more important lesson he's learning is to not give up even when it's
hard. Now, THAT'S a lesson to teach your child. Punish them if the
effort isn't there. If he wasn't even trying and failing, I'd be really
mad. But he's doing what he can. I'm proud of him.
Carol Danvers, PhD Psychology from Grand Canyon University
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