Can't Bring Yourself to Study Everyday ? Here's the Reason..........

Because you hate what you’re studying.

People today feel resistance or boredom towards what they’re doing and they think they have a “procrastination” problem.

Procrastination really is a first-world luxury problem to have.

There are two situations where you’ll never procrastinate:

1. Life or death
2. Your true passion

Someone is holding your daughter hostage and you need to wire $10,000 to set her free?

You are not going to procrastinate.

You are going to move mountains to free your daughter.

Or just say you need to do something that makes you feel complete, makes you feel rewarded, puts a smile on your face.

You are not going to put that off, are you?

If you can’t bring yourself to study, it means one of two things:

1. It’s not important
2. You don’t like it

So ask yourself if this is really the life you want:

Trying to make yourself do unimportant and unexciting things.

You only have one life to live.

Spend it on the stuff that matters.

-Benjamin McEvoy

Bollywood

CA is a course which I would compare with a “Shopping Mall”

 

CA is a course which I would compare with a “Shopping Mall”. This might seem funny, but I'll try and justify the same…

So, Can you visualise and describe this public place called “Shopping mall”? You may take help of this picture..

Rich people will think of it as a status symbol, but Financially weak person will visualise them with the words such as 'Grand, Attractive, Respectable, Visual treat, Heavenly, Lifestyle' etc. etc…. In short, a great place to go…!! Isn't it?

Who all have access to this place? (Everyone, whatever the age may be and whoever he is, rich or poor..)

Is there any age restrictions to have access to the shopping malls? (Obviously not)

Is there any hefty amount which you need to pay in order to go inside and roam around? (No ways, that's why we go there more often than other places..)

Is it that you need to pay some random amount even if you want to touch the premium brand shirt? (No, you can just pick it up, head towards the changing room and try it without asking for anyone's permission and click a few pics as well.. and show it off on social media.. and all of it without even buying it..)

Is there any time restriction for entry and exit on per individual basis? (No, not at all… you can stay there as long as you want, and keep searching for the stuff which your pocket can afford…)

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If you're reading this answer and if you're a CA student, you would already have got the idea of what I am talking about..

The reason why most people fail to complete CA is, it is more accessible than most of the other professional courses..

CA Course has a huge entry gate, the most attractive “Welcome” board, and while entering, everyone carries equal amount of opportunity in their pockets!! but Everyone who goes in are not the ones who can manage to pay their hardwork at the billing desk and take the degree to their home..!!

• Grand image, Respectable profession, Reputation, Earning potential, Lifestyle..

• It has no hi-fi prerequisite qualification requirements. Any person who has cleared 12th standard can enter into the CA course.. and graduates can also use the ‘elevator’ (directly to the second floor)…

• There's no cost involved in order to get into the course.. no hefty admission fees, no donations, no merit requirements… and not much struggle to get inside the course..

• There's no time constraint involved. You may enter at any age (after 12th) and exit at any age..

• You get perks in your teenage. You get paid for learning for 3 years in the form of stipend.. you can use it for paying your classes fees (to some extent at least)…

So CA is not at all costly in terms of Money involved.. it welcomes everyone, whether rich or poor, intelligent or average…No reservations!! anyone can test their capabilities… but we need to prove our worth, we need to decide whether we would want to come out with or without the degree…It is very liberal unlike CFA, MBA or any other similar course, which attracts and allows only those people who fit into their criteria of entrance…

But yes, CA is way too costly in terms of efforts which we need to put in order to succeed and get that qualification which commands lods of respect..

Anyone can go to a mall and 'try’ a premium brand shirt, but it requires tremendous amount of efforts for buying and owning that shirt…So, If you're already into this course, make most out of it. No matter how many times you've tried, hustle hard and reach to the 3rd floor, and do come out wearing that costliest shirt in the entire mall…

Thanks for reading (please excuse grammatical mistakes…)

Cheers..

-Hardik

The General Sherman

 The General Sherman, a giant sequoia in Sequoia National Forest in California, is the largest tree on Earth by volume, at 52,500 cubic feet (1,487 meters). It's 275 feet (83.8 meters) tall, and its trunk has a diameter of 11 meters. It's estimated to be 2,200 to 2,700 years old.

The tallest tree in the world is Hyperion, a coast redwood in Redwood National Park, also in California. It's 380 feet (115.8 meters) tall, and is estimated at 600–800 years old. The exact location of Hyperion is kept secret from the public, for its own protection.

"I’ve lived in a chawl my entire childhood"

 “I’ve lived in a chawl my entire childhood. As a kid, I understood the importance of education–I’d study & top my class. But as years passed, Papa couldn't afford my fees; he was a contract worker & we were scraping by. I remember being in Class 8 when my fees hadn’t been paid for 9 months. That’s when Papa told me, ‘I can’t send you to school.’ 

But instead of giving up, I tutored kids from junior classes to pay my fees. I was 13 & I promised myself, ‘One day I’ll study in a reputed university & work at a big company’–that was my dream. 
The want to be a ‘somebody’ only grew & so, after I graduated from school at 18, I decided to go to a college in Mumbai. Vapi to Mumbai was a 3.5 hours journey, daily, but I didn’t mind; I was hungry to make it. 
I continued to tutor to fund my education. Everyday, I’d wake up at 6 AM, travel to college, tutor, visit a library to study & return home at 11! I knew my efforts would pay off & after I completed a year, my family moved to Mumbai to support me. 
In my 2nd year, I heard about a program being offered by NIIT. When I read more about it I knew by the end of the program, I’d get placed with a good company & so, I gave a screening test for it. And I got chosen! It was the happiest day of my life & I told myself, ‘The sky’s the limit!’ Papa was so proud of me! 
I put all my energy into my studies & not only topped my college, but I also got placed by NIIT at KPMG! When I got my first salary, I took my family for dinner & bought Mummy a ring for Mothers Day! 
After 3 years of hustling in Mumbai, my placement secured my future & I earned steadily.  
Then, I started working on my next goal– getting an MBA degree. And so after a 8 hour work day, I’d study for my exams & return home post midnight! Still, I failed the exam... It hurt, but I put in even more hours & passed on my next attempt! 
My family threw a party for me & Papa told everyone, ‘My girl paved her own path!’ To see him smile is all I’ve wanted!
I am the first girl in my family to have come this far. And when Papa tells my story to girls from my town, I feel proud to see their eyes sparkle with the belief that they can achieve their dreams too!” #AbPlacementPakki

{Credits : Humans of Bombay }

What isn't important.............

 What isn't important: a fantasy that the average person with a degree has fewer skills than the average person without. Of course, there are exceptions, but they are just that: exceptions. Companies complain all the time about college grads not having every single skill under the sun, but who do they turn around and hire for basically every professional, white-collar job?

These Will Hold You Back

 I will get everything perfect.

I will control everything.

I will say yes to everything and leave myself open to feeling exhausted and taken advantage of.

I will determine boundaries are selfish and as such will have none.

I will decide saying no means I am not loyal or dedicated enough.

I believe I am not good enough and this belief will influence all my decisions.

I believe I am helpless and cannot do things without others doing them for me.

I will live with envy in my heart for all the things others can have that I can’t have.

I will be perpetually attracted to people who are not available to me or don’t treat me well.

I am afraid that others will judge me so I will take no risks.

I will be angry at anyone who does not see things the way I see them.

I will commit to things and then not follow through so I can show me I cannot really be counted on.

I will make excuses to justify things I do that are not good for me. (I’ve had a rough week and deserve this plate of french fries.)

I think people who truly love me should just know what I want so instead of spelling it out I will get angry if they don’t get it right.

I will never ask for help.

I will live convinced that I don’t deserve good things, and don’t deserve to be loved.

-Dushka Zapata

I am sorry to say that until someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder has some..........

 I am sorry to say that until someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder has some appropriate and successful psychotherapy, their capacity to love anyone will be severely limited. The very traits, beliefs, coping mechanisms, and deficits that make them Narcissists impact their ability to love.

If we define mature love as more than superficial attraction, lust, or temporary idealization, it requires the ability to:

• Care deeply for the welfare of someone else.
• Love the other person for who they are, not what they can do for you.
• Be willing to make reasonable and necessary sacrifices when the other persons needs you—nurse them through illnesses, comfort them when they are sad or scared, and be with them when they are lonely.
• Hold your temper when the other person is being irritating.
• Like them despite their flaws.
• Not leave or give up when the going gets rough or the relationship feels less fulfilling.
• Keep your promises to your partner, even when you are no longer in the mood to do so.
• Be faithful.
• Be loyal.
• Take their feelings seriously.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. The essence of a loving couple is they think about themselves as a “we”, not just two separate “me’s”.

Punchline: Narcissistic love is quite shallow and a poor imitation of real love. They only love you when they are in the mood to love you.

A2A

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

www.elinorgreenberg.com

Recently, I met a friend that told me about his cousin.

His cousin was absolutely fantastic at football - a real wizard - so good that he trialed for the Liverpool team for his age group when he was 14. They said he wasn’t physically strong enough and should try again in a year.

A year later he tried again, and again they rejected him. He kept trying for other clubs for a few more years and in going for his passion messed up his school education. To his credit, he went all out.

He failed to make a career out of football, but at least he followed his passion.

He’s now in his mid-forties and stacks shelves in a supermarket.

-Asim Qureshi, BA(Physics) Oxford University

Children Find Their Parents Frighteningly Inconsistent ?

 As a child I did not have the emotional vocabulary to think thoughts as sophisticated as “my parents are frighteningly inconsistent.”

Instead, what I thought was “there is something wrong with me.”

I tried to behave better and control my surroundings to protect my parents from whatever would take them from loving to harsh.

This resulted in me feeling anxious and powerless and like I couldn’t trust anything - including myself. My priority became making sure things were smooth and easy on the adults around me.

I was so focused on this enormous task it never occurred to me I might be neglecting to notice I too had needs.

What I learned over the years - and am still learning because sometimes I forget - is that it’s impossible for any human to control everything in an effort to make the entire universe more comfortable for the people that she loves.

Over time I had to learn to surrender, to listen to myself, to set boundaries, to soothe myself, and to realize that, alas, other people’s emotions were not my responsibility. Honestly, I can barely keep up with my own.

-Dushka Zapata

I Feel Like I Wasn't Cut Out For Life

Do you think this is easy?

Do you think life comes naturally to people?

Do you truly believe that most people are just happy?

Life is not that simple.

There are no people that are simply “cut out for it” just as there are none that aren’t cut out for life.

Life is a big, gigantic, messy ball of intertwined, knotted and clotted heap of shambles, and everyone has their own path to find, untangle and walk through.

No one said this would be easy.

But what choice do you have?

I mean, sure, you could end it all and take the easy way out. But what if that’s it?

What if there is nothing afterwards? Are you really willing to risk everything because you don’t feel cut out for living?

Everybody who has made anything of themselves did not do so easily.

Somewhere, sometime, in some way they struggled, even if they do not like to admit it.

Rarely anyone finds their purpose right away or a reason to live.

And that’s what counts.

It’s not what you achieve, not what purpose you find nor what reason you were given, but rather about living a life that you deem worth living.

But, truth be told, that is very unlikely to happen if you do not go out and create it.

You can say you are not cut out for it as often as you want, but it’s nothing more than a lazy excuse for not wanting to put in the work to create a great life.

Maybe you have experienced a lot of hardships, maybe you are too proud to get help, or maybe you just do not know where to start, but none of that is an excuse for lack of trying.

Waiting, complaining and wallowing in self-pity is not going to make your life any better.

And you are not special for thinking this way about life.

Countless people run through the same problems all over the world, thinking that life is pointless.

You are not the only one, not the first one, and definitely not the last one to feel this way.

But while you are wallowing in more and more self-pity there are those that accept it, that stand up, and that do something about it, for that is how you move on from this idea that has lodged itself in your mind like a parasite.

If you want to find out whether you are cut out for life or not then give it an honest shot! Stand up and do something about it!

It’s not going to be easy, but you can do it.

Go out and talk to more people if you are missing friends, find communities, groups and be the one that takes the first step!

Research jobs if yours is unfulfilling, talk to companies about what would make them hire someone in the job you want and then find how you can get that type of schooling and those qualifications.

And, if you are truly unfulfilled, then chase each and every joy, no matter how small, until you find something that you deem worth it.

Your life is in full throttle right now, you are not starting, you are in the midst of it, but what happens going forward is up to you.

Let me tell you just one thing though: Sitting around, whining about it, and wishing it were different will not create that life you wish for. You must do something.

You have the choice to change everything right now.

Figure out what needs to change so you would live an amazing life and then start to change those things one by one!

Take responsibility for your life.

Take charge.

And start living not just existing.

-Lukas Schwekendiek

 

Self Love vs Narcissism

 What most people do not understand about personality disorders, including Narcissistic Personality Disorders, are they are characterized by extreme rigidity. Self-love or the lack of self-love has absolutely nothing to do with why NPD is characterized as personality disorder. You can lack self-love or have lots of it and still not have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder—or any type of personality disorder.

What is the basic definition of a personality disorder?

It is a rigid, maladaptive, highly limited and predictable way of viewing and responding to other people. Here are 10 basic defining characteristics of personality disorders:

1. They start in early childhood and continue through adulthood.
2. They are stable across time. The person does the same things their entire life or until they get appropriate therapeutic help.
3. They are enacted with almost everyone in some form.
4. They are highly resistant to change.
5. People do not grow out of a personality disorder with life experience.
6. Having a personality disorder limits spontaneity by locking the person into a set of repetitious responses to life.
7. People with personality disorders have a very limited set of behaviors that are characteristic of that personality disorder.
8. This means that they do not have the freedom to act in other ways that might be more productive or appropriate to the situation. Acting in other ways does not seem like an option.
9. Because of the above issues, the thinking and behavior of people with personality disorders are very, very repetitious and predictable once you get to know them.
10. They never reached the normal developmental stage of acquiring whole object relations. This means that, instead of seeing themselves and other people in a realistic, integrated, and relatively stable way, people with PDs split and can only see people (including themselves) as either all-good or all-bad.

What about Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

People with NPD have all of the above issues plus quite a few others. To touch on the most common:

1. They lack emotional empathy. They cannot automatically care about anyone else’s pain and or share other people’s joy.
2. They need constant external validation to manage their self-esteem.
3. They are status driven and mistakenly believe that the only way to really be happy is to have high status.
4. They are highly competitive and believe that life is made up of winners and losers.
5. They only want to associate with winners.
6. They believe that if you cannot be the best at something, you should not do it—even if you want to do it.
7. Their fall back defense is to devalue other people and their achievements.
8. They often take credit for other people’s work or ideas—and often do not realize that is what they are doing. If it is a good idea, they think it must be their’s.
9. They blame other people for their mistakes and failures.
10. They envy other people’s successes and are relieved and happy usually (but may pretend otherwise) when other people fail. It boosts their self-esteem.
11. Their version of the all-good or all-bad split divides people into two categories: special, perfect, and high status or flawed, low class, worthless garbage.
12. They cannot maintain a stable, fair, mutually enjoyable longterm relationship.
13. They have tantrums or sulk when they do not get their way.

Punchline: Narcissistic personality disorder has more to do with rigidity, an inability to adequately regulate one’s own self-esteem, and a lack of emotional empathy than self-love. Asking when self-love is healthy vs becoming NPD, misses the point. Like the song says: “What’s love got to do with it?” In this case, very little.

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

www.elinorgreenberg.com