“ Very Successful People Say ‘NO’ To Almost Everything”

Luigi has a great business idea.

Everyone tells him it's a fantastic project, many of his friends and family want to invest or be involved in his vision.

After months of analyzing this idea, he is now finding the courage to pursue this dream he now feels so passionate about.

Luigi is excited, he can't sleep at night and can't wait for the sun to rise.

“Tiii Tiii Tiii Tiii… Tiii Tiii Tiii Tiii,” the alarm goes off, and Luigi jumps out of bed. He’s ready to work!

“Hey, Luigi, can you do me a favor before you go to your office?” asks his wife.

“Yes, sure, honey!”

“Please get me some fruit from the supermarket.”

Luigi runs to the supermarket and brings home the fruit… he is now ready to start his day of work.

The phone rings, “Hey Luigi, I need your help, dude!” his friend Mario asks.

“Sure, Mario, anything for you, my friend!”

“Can I invite you for a coffee?”

“Sure, I’ll be there!” Luigi says.

It's noon and Luigi hasn't started work…

“Got to go to work, Mario. Bye!”

Luigi is on his way to start his workday. As soon as he gets to his office, his assistant grabs him, “Hey Luigi, you have four phone calls to return!”

“Okay, pass them through…” Luigi takes care of his calls.

Time for lunch.

“I’ll grab a quick lunch and get started on my work!” Luigi makes the commitment.

He rushes for lunch and comes back to his office to an inbox full of other people's emails.

“Ohh, I need to get back to these people, I’ll answer emails first…”

Two hours later… 4:00 PM.

“Hey boss, I’ll be leaving early, but my car broke down, can you please take me to the nearest bus stop?”

“I’ll be glad to!” says Luigi.

Next, his wife calls, “Hey Luigi, I need you to pick up our kids at 6:00PM on your way back home.”

“Yes, honey!” Luigi says.

DAY IS OVER!

---

What happened to Luigi's project?

Luigi is a very kind man but has NO character when it comes to leading his own life. He’s a people pleaser, and as a result, he always sets his priorities at the bottom of his agenda.

---

Now, to answer your question, Warren Buffet said that “very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.” Do you think this is good advice for building a successful career?

It may sound selfish, but Mr. Warren Buffett is in control of HIS agenda, and this is one of the reasons he is successful.

It’s impossible to achieve YOUR goals if you don’t control YOUR time.

There are two type of people in the world:

1. Those who know what they want and go after it.
2. Those who serve the people who know what they want.

---

NOTE: This answer is about Character, not selfishness.

Differentiating this is critical. Mr. Warren Buffett is the perfect example of a man who’s NOT selfish (giving away all his fortune,) yet a man of strong character!

  -Hector Quintanilla

 

Your Life Will Change

 

The best and the fastest way to improve life is to—

Stop complaining.

Just stop it.

Go 7 days without complaining.

Then after 7 days, see how you feel, and go another 7 days. Then go 30 days.

Your life will change.

Let me explain.

First, why do we complain?

• We complain because it’s easy. It’s easier to stay in a job that you hate and complain about it each day than it is to do the research, tailor your resume, expand your network, and find a new a job.
• We complain because it’s how we start small talk. It’s less effort to make an obvious remark about the economy being shitty than it is to muster up the courage and strike a conversation with a stranger that starts with a compliment or a question.
• We complain because we’re addicted. It’s low-brain, endless activity to rattle off all the things wrong with the world and how you’re the victim and you’re right and life owes you.

OK so you just complained, now what?

• Whatever you were complaining about is still a problem. Those minutes of “feel good get it off my chest” could have been used towards actually fixing it.
• Maybe you made a new friend who also loves to also complain (oh fabulous) so now you two have this clusterf*ck of negativity whirring all around you
• You complaining is not valuable or useful to anyone. And you know what—

People do not care what you have to complain about.

Now let’s take the long term view.

Perhaps you drag yourself through life always complaining — about the smaller things (didn’t bring cash to a cash-only cafe, someone honked at you, etc.) and the bigger things (your landlord says she’s selling the building, your boss underpays you, etc).

It has become your MO.

Something happens, you complain. This is how you function.

Here’s the hard truth—

1. Life does not owe you anything
   When we were infants and we wanted something, we cried. Then hands would magically appear to cradle us, hold us close, and feed us milk.
   
   Some adults still approach life like this. They complain because they think if they complain enough, the problem will get fixed.
   
   No one is coming to save you.
   
   And all that energy you use on complaining could be used on (a) figuring out a solution or (b) changing your attitude about it.
   
   We’re all dealt our own cards.
   
   What you need to do is watch Will Smith’s “Fault VS. Responsibility” talk on YouTube.
2. The more you talk about something, the more power give to it
   If we were friends in my early 20s, you knew about my father. You’d hear me rant and worry and talk about how fucked up my situation is and how I’m stressed about it.
   
   I thought I had to atleast mention it because it always on my mind and my heart.
   
   But it’s the opposite—
   
   The more I talked about it, the more space I let it mentally and emotionally occupy. Every time I talk about it, I have to think about it and relive it.
   
   One morning, I made a promise to myself to stop bringing up my father or the details of my home life in conversation. No more.
   
   And in time, I talked about other things in my life. I started to build friendships on stronger, more positive foundations. My mind and my heart were filled with my passion for running, public speaking, and meeting people.
   
   And my father’s “space” in my head got smaller and smaller.
3. What you keep doing becomes part of your personal brand
   People remember what is most consistent. If you’re always the girl who keeps complaining about shit, you’re going to stop getting invited places.
   
   We all know someone who always wants to complain — are they the first person you call to share good news?
   
   Exactly.

Complaining is unproductive. It’s toxic language and it amplifies the negative in your life.

The next time you feel like complaining OR you realize that you’re already doing it, make the conscious choice to stop.

"Life instantly improves when you don’t blame other people and focus on what you can control." - James Clear

   

 -Kaila J. Lim

Healthy Relation & Partner Selection

 

1. Partner selection. A lot of relationship problems can be avoided by careful partner selection. Many people feel feelings in their feel-parts, then plunge headlong into a relationship, naively believing that Love Conquers All. Then they wake up some time later to discover they have totally different ideas about sex, family, children, priorities, work, or whatever, and they start trying to figure out how to “get” their partner to be compatible with them. You don’t marry an incompatible partner and try to make them compatible. That doesn’t work.
2. Personal responsibility. One of the hardest of all life lessons is this: Just because I feel bad doesn’t necessarily mean someone else is doing something wrong. Just because I feel good doesn’t necessarily mean what I am doing is right. On some level, you are responsible for your feelings and actions. That doesn’t mean your partner can’t affect you; intimacy is all about allowing someone else close enough to affect you very deeply. But it does mean your feelings aren’t your partner’s fault. Nowhere is this more true than with jealousy. Inexperienced people with poorly developed emotional skills say “never, ever do anything that makes your partner jealous.” More experienced people know jealousy is rooted in insecurity, which means it is impossible to remove every trigger that can lead to jealousy. Instead, you handle jealousy by building personal security.
3. Communication. The easiest way to tell the health of a relationship is by the quality of the communication in it. Alas, many people deliberately build barriers to communication, sometimes out of shame, sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of insecurity. They are afraid to talk about their past, about their sexual desires, about their former relationships—and then they say things like “My spouse doesn’t really know me. I guess men and women just can’t understand each other!” No, men and women can’t read minds. Every single thing you can’t or won’t talk about is a barrier to intimacy.
4. Trust. You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust. Can’t be done. If you need to see your partner’s phone or email accounts, you don’t trust them. “I have trust issues” is the world’s greatest cop-out. You learn to ride a bike by getting on a bike and riding. You learn to trust by trusting.
5. Respect. Again, you can’t have a healthy relationship without it. The moment your partner becomes your adversary rather than your ally, you’re done. Oh, and regarding point 4 above, respect includes respecting your partner’s privacy. If you feel you have to have your partner’s passwords and cell phone passcode, congratulations! You’ve got two relationship-killers for the price of one.
6. Interdependence, not codependency. If your partner is your whole world, your reason for being, your everything, the reason you wake up in the morning…that’s codependent, and over time will likely strangle your relationship stone dead and then continue clinging to the lifeless husk. Healthy people have, and healthy relationships allow room for, other hobbies, interests, and friends.
7. Speaking of other friends, yes, married people can and should have those. In fact, if anyone tells you otherwise, look out. Any abuse counselor or therapist will tell you that attempting to control your partner’s social activities is invariably the first step down the road to abuse.
8. Mutual, reciprocal support. A healthy relationship always has a balance between what each person brings to the relationship and what they receive from the relationship. If you find that your relationship is all give and no take, especially if you’re expected to sacrifice your dreams to help your partner reach theirs, look out. Good relationships are partnerships between people who can reach further and accomplish more together than they could apart. If your relationship offers no support for you in accomplishing your goals, something’s wrong.
9. Consent. In all aspects of the relationship, not just sex. Healthy relationships are voluntary. They are not prisons. If you can not set boundaries and have them respected, something’s dysfunctional. (Remember, though, that boundaries concern access to yourself—your body, your intimacy, your emotions. “Don’t talk to me like that” is a boundary. “Don’t talk to your ex” is not a boundary.) If you feel like you can’t say no, or you can’t tell your partner something they don’t want to hear, or you are trapped and can’t leave the relationship, that relationship is dysfunctional.
10. Space to be yourself. You are an independent person, not a cog in the relationship. You have the right to express yourself, to hold opinions, to advocate for your needs, to say no, and to have your values respected. That doesn’t mean you have the right to be obeyed; your partner, too, is an independent person.
11. Security. Insecurity is toxic to relationships. It often causes us to act out in ways that cause the very thing we’re afraid of. Being able to acknowledge insecurity for what it is and ask for support from your partner is a blessing. Blaming your partner, mistreating your partner, or trying to deal with your insecurities by controlling your partner (“you aren’t allowed to be friends with other women,” “I don’t want you going anywhere without me”) is toxic.
12. Directness. Advocate for your needs. Talk openly and directly about what you want. Never, ever play games: “I want him to chase me,” “if she really cared about me she’d know what was wrong.” Do not engage in protest behavior.
13. Assume good intent. Your partner is there because they love you and want to be with you. If you can’t assume good intent from your partner, it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong…you’re done for.
14. Vulnerability. A healthy intimate relationship requires that you be able to show up as your authentic self, and that means vulnerability. If you want your partner to see you, you have to let them in. That means being who you are, not who you think your spouse wants you to be. It means being honest about your fears and weaknesses. It means being able to be unguarded. This is scary. Love is not for cowards. Show up or go home.

400 Hours of Video is Uploaded on Youtube per Min How do they Add storage & Maintain ?

 

This:

lands in this:

which in turn land in those:

which are kept in places like that:

First photo - 4TB storage, though there are already 12TB models;

2nd photo - 28 of first-photo-things can get crammed in there, or 56 of 2.5″ hdds

4x28~100TB in 2U rack

3rd photo - in single “closet” you can cram 28 of 2nd-photo-thingies

2800TB of storage. - So we’ve reached a Petabyte in a rack . Even assuming you have to make redundancies, which will cut the capacity of one rack by 20%; you also keep backup physically apart - meaning 2 Racks like this, in two different server farms for 2PB of data secured.

Again, assuming based on data I found for this answer, Youtube generates around 400h videos each minute which means it’s either:

• 30GB/h of footage(all resolutions converted, based on assumption everyone uploads 4k content) this gives you a whoping 12TB/minute. , 720TB an hour and 17PB/day
• or 3GB/h (Full HD only; converted to lower resolutions as always) which effectively cuts this to around 2PB/day.

Here’s your answer - if % share of 4k uploads will rise to a 100, the YT will need up to 20 racks a day installed. As long as FHD is more popular, they are “limited” to 3–4 racks a day.

So… they’ll just buy more storage, preferably by making their own “server farms” around the globe.

They are not stupid, you know ^^ They try to plan ahead with expected storage requirements; and try to make high enough income from services/ads to be able to cover the costs;

They also aim at lowering amount of competing standards and improving compression methods: previously we’ve had flash video and native HTML5 battle; now we have H.264 and VP8/VP9 battle. It means YT still needs to convert to both H.264 and VP8/VP9 which results in around doubling the storage required.

Of course there’s a catch - newer codecs usually tend to sacrifice quality just to save space. That’s why any streaming platform, even with 4k content, offers worse quality than FullHD content from Bluray disk. At best case scenario 4k streamed will be as good as FullHD Bluray. Compromises.

• YouTube does not use ContentID to find similar videos and “stitch them together” to lower storage requirements, ContentID checks whether video is a potential copyright infringement.
• there is no compression method available for videos - codecs used are already a highly-efficient compression. If something offers compression for videos, it will most likely mean lossy recoding (lowered bitrate -> losing additional details from the footage)
• Codecs - mp4/AVC1 and webm/VP9 are used simultaneously for compatibility (only >FHD resolutions are webm-only); audio tracks are stored as separate files for most resolutions - since audio is basically limited to stereo, sampling rate, bitrate, and they decided that it’s better to store only 4x audio than 14x audio(mixed with video)
• technically YouTube is a “Cloud” service - it checks all the boxes. Yes, scalable, redundant, accessible anywhere, one-size-fits-all solution.
• YT does not delete older videos - at most, lower view count, rarely watched or watched only in certain area videos are stored in 2–3 locations; popular ones are stored all around the globe fully utilizing available YT CDN (content distribution network). That’s why just-uploaded or older videos might take a second or 3 longer to load, while popular ones start almost instantaneously - there’s many CDN copies of those in “most popular” viewing areas.

-Michał Zińczuk

An Elderly Person.................

An elderly person bought a donkey and was taking it to his village along with his young son.

They heard passers-by commenting, “How foolish is this person who is walking along with the donkey instead of riding over it?”

The old man obliged them and rode the horse and his son was walking.

The passers-by again commented, “Look at this old man, he is riding the donkey like a lord while his young son is walking. He has no compassion for his son at all”

He thought that he is doing something wrong and asked his son to ride on the horse and he started walking along with the donkey.

The passers-by this time commented, “Look at this, the old man is walking and this young boy is riding joyously. There is no respect for elders at all these days.

The old man got puzzled and asked his son to help him to carry the donkey and both of them started carrying the donkey and passers-by had a heartful laugh seeing these two mad guys carrying the donkey instead of riding over that.

Then both of them decided to ride on donkey’s back. Again, passers-by commented, look at these two, they have no mercy of this poor donkey.

Can you tell me what option is there here for the father and the son?

More we try to please  the world, more miserable we become!

The Best & the Fastest Way To Improve Life is to...........

The best and the fastest way to improve life is to—

Stop complaining.

Just stop it.

Go 7 days without complaining.

Then after 7 days, see how you feel, and go another 7 days. Then go 30 days.

Your life will change.

Let me explain.

First, why do we complain?

• We complain because it’s easy. It’s easier to stay in a job that you hate and complain about it each day than it is to do the research, tailor your resume, expand your network, and find a new a job.
• We complain because it’s how we start small talk. It’s less effort to make an obvious remark about the economy being shitty than it is to muster up the courage and strike a conversation with a stranger that starts with a compliment or a question.
• We complain because we’re addicted. It’s low-brain, endless activity to rattle off all the things wrong with the world and how you’re the victim and you’re right and life owes you.

OK so you just complained, now what?

• Whatever you were complaining about is still a problem. Those minutes of “feel good get it off my chest” could have been used towards actually fixing it.
• Maybe you made a new friend who also loves to also complain (oh fabulous) so now you two have this clusterf*ck of negativity whirring all around you
• You complaining is not valuable or useful to anyone. And you know what—

People do not care what you have to complain about.

Now let’s take the long term view.

Perhaps you drag yourself through life always complaining — about the smaller things (didn’t bring cash to a cash-only cafe, someone honked at you, etc.) and the bigger things (your landlord says she’s selling the building, your boss underpays you, etc).

It has become your MO.

Something happens, you complain. This is how you function.

Here’s the hard truth—

1. Life does not owe you anything
   When we were infants and we wanted something, we cried. Then hands would magically appear to cradle us, hold us close, and feed us milk.
   
   Some adults still approach life like this. They complain because they think if they complain enough, the problem will get fixed.
   
   No one is coming to save you.
   
   And all that energy you use on complaining could be used on (a) figuring out a solution or (b) changing your attitude about it.
   
   We’re all dealt our own cards.
   
   What you need to do is watch Will Smith’s “Fault VS. Responsibility” talk on YouTube.
2. The more you talk about something, the more power give to it
   If we were friends in my early 20s, you knew about my father. You’d hear me rant and worry and talk about how fucked up my situation is and how I’m stressed about it.
   
   I thought I had to atleast mention it because it always on my mind and my heart.
   
   But it’s the opposite—
   
   The more I talked about it, the more space I let it mentally and emotionally occupy. Every time I talk about it, I have to think about it and relive it.
   
   One morning, I made a promise to myself to stop bringing up my father or the details of my home life in conversation. No more.
   
   And in time, I talked about other things in my life. I started to build friendships on stronger, more positive foundations. My mind and my heart were filled with my passion for running, public speaking, and meeting people.
   
   And my father’s “space” in my head got smaller and smaller.
3. What you keep doing becomes part of your personal brand
   People remember what is most consistent. If you’re always the girl who keeps complaining about shit, you’re going to stop getting invited places.
   
   We all know someone who always wants to complain — are they the first person you call to share good news?
   
   Exactly.

Complaining is unproductive. It’s toxic language and it amplifies the negative in your life.

The next time you feel like complaining OR you realize that you’re already doing it, make the conscious choice to stop.

"Life instantly improves when you don’t blame other people and focus on what you can control." - James Clear

   

 -Kaila Lim

The Great Scientist without a Nobel Prize

 Last year Students had a Skype conversation with the old Physics legend Leonard Susskind . They asked him a lot of Questions . Here are the few of the questions . But before getting to that he mentioned that “ Sleeping during a lecture is a good thing . “

 

1. You were a plumber before you studied physics. How old were you then?

“My father was a plumber and I worked with him from the age of 13. When I was 16 he got very ill, so I had to work a lot. We were not very well off. I worked during school and in the summer. It was very hard work and very different from being a plumber now. It was in the South Bronx and the buildings were very old and had lead pipes. It was tough, rough work and it made my father sick. I did it until I went to graduate school. That was in 1962.”

2. How did your family respond when you told them you wanted to study theoretical physics?

 
“Well, at first my father wasn’t happy. He wanted me to work in his business, but I said I wanted to be a physicist. He left school after fifth grade, but he was a very smart man. However, he didn’t know what a physicist was and mixed it up with a pharmacist. He said “You’re not going to work in a drugstore” and I said, “No, I mean what Einstein did”. The minute he heard Einstein, he said no more. He got very excited about it; he wanted me to be a physicist. It was a good experience.”

3. Did you party a lot when you were a student?
“Not a lot. By the time I became a physics student I was already married and had a child. I was also still working as a plumber, so did I party a lot? No I did not.”

4. What do you think of lectures? Can you learn physics from them?

 
“They’re fantastically good for learning physics. The lecturer learns a lot of physics. After my first few studies, just about everything I learned about physics came from teaching it. I don’t know if the students learned a lot, but I certainly did. So I consider teaching physics very important.” 

  

5. Do the students learn from it?

  
“I think they learn from some lecturers and less from other lecturers. My students sometimes come back and tell me they learned a lot from me and the ones who didn’t learn much probably don’t come back. So my guess is that good physicists pretty much learn from themselves. The students at Stanford cooperate and learn together and that is clearly a good thing. But I think that it is sometimes good to sit and learn by yourself. But as I said, I never really learned a subject until I had to teach it.”

Difference Between RAD & NPD

Source: pixabay

All children who have parents who are neglectful, abusive, intrusive, and unstable are likely to develop serious problems as adults. The most common problems involve issues with intimacy, relationships, trust, and self-esteem.

What is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Reactive Attachment Disorder is diagnosed in children, not adults. Children given this diagnosis may exhibit either inhibited attachment behavior or display inappropriate and indiscriminate attachment behaviors.

RAD is believed to result from severe neglect, abuse, and lack of appropriate attunement by the child’s caregivers. It can also be caused by subjecting the child to multiple disruptions and changes in caregivers, such as children who are in foster care and repeatedly get uprooted and sent to different homes.

In the beginning they may form strong attachments to their caregivers, but after repeated separations and disruptions, they may stop forming secure attachments because attachment only leads to pain.

In adulthood, these children are at greater risk for developing depression, behavioral problems, difficulty forming relationships, aggressive and disruptive behaviors, and low self-esteem. People with RAD are also at risk for developing a personality disorder in adulthood, but in my experience it is unlikely to be NPD.

The basic treatment for children with RAD ideally involves working with the primary caregiver to teach the person better parenting skills and to provide some form of psychotherapy for the child. There are no drugs that cure RAD.

If the child is being physically or sexually abused, he or she may need to be removed from the home. Ideally the child would be placed with a caregiver who could be consistent, loving, have appropriate boundaries, show a great deal of real interest in the child’s thoughts, feelings, and interests, while modeling appropriate attachment behaviors.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

This is a personality disorder. Although it starts in childhood like RAD, it is not diagnosed in children. Children and teens may exhibit narcissistic traits, but most grow out of it as they mature. Therefore, NPD is only diagnosed in adults.

NPD can be viewed as an adaptation by a particular child to a home situation where attention and approval were contingent on achievement, love was unstable and conditional, and at least one of the parents had some form of NPD. People can develop NPD without being subjected to the conditions that create RAD in children. You can become a Narcissist without severe abuse or neglect.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by:

• A lack of whole object relations and a lack of object constancy.
• A lack of emotional empathy for other people.
• Extreme reliance on other people for continual validation of their worth.
• Unstable self-esteem.
• Perfectionism.
• Competitiveness.
• Hierarchical thinking.
• A reliance on achievement as a substitute for love.
• A diminished capacity for intimacy.
• The drive for status.
• A preoccupation with status.
• A vulnerability to feelings of shame about the self.
• The devaluation of other people.
• Indiscriminate idealization of those people who they see as higher in status, coupled with contempt or indifference to those people they see as lower in status.
• Impulsive rage over trivial matters that most people would overlook or react to more mildly.
• The need to shift blame for their bad behavior to other people.
• Difficulty accepting that other people can have valid opinions that are different from their own.
• Projecting their person flaws onto other people.

Do children with RAD develop NPD?

I am not an expert in RAD. I actually had to look up what these initials meant. However, I have many people in my practice who experienced RAD as children. They grew up to develop Schizoid Personality Disorder, not Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What is Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD)?

Schizoid Personality, like NPD, is diagnosed in adults, not children. People with SPD lack basic trust in other people because their early caregivers were abusive and neglectful. They never learned to negotiate differences of opinion because their opinions did not matter.

Most of my Schizoid clients decided by age 7 that they could not count on adults to care for them, protect them, show real interest in them, or even treat them as real human beings with any rights. They reacted to this situation by becoming fiercely independent and self-sufficient and finding ways to control how emotionally and physical close they are to other people. Some turn to animals for affection instead of people.

Here are some common characteristics of people with SPD:

• They have a fragile sense of self with weak boundaries.
• They may dissociate from their emotions, their bodies, and even their sense of self when they are stressed. This started in early childhood as a reaction to abuse.
• They tend to treat their bodies with the same indifference that their caregivers treated them.
• Like children with RAD, they may either avoid intimate relationships or become inappropriately intimate too soon with the wrong people.
• They use distancing as a defense.
• They often report feeling like robots or aliens, not real people.
• They lack whole object relations and object constancy.
• They prefer other people to be predictable.
• They suffer from existential dread. Life can seem pointless and something to be endured.
• They also suffer from what the theorist Ralph Klein calls the “Schizoid Dilemma”: If they become emotionally close with someone, this feels threatening to their autonomy. If they distance themselves and do not have enough human contact, they may become so disconnected that have trouble reconnecting.
• They are more likely to live alone by choice than most other people.

Punchline: It is really quite easy to differentiate between RAD and NPD. They have very little in common. However, in my experience, the conditions associated with RAD often lead to the development of Schizoid Personality Disorder in adulthood.

-Elinor Greenberg,PhD Psychology

The Separate Virginity Manual For Women

The separate virginity manual for women.

---

Firstly, let me tell you there is nothing wrong if a person wants to marry a virgin partner.

As I have mentioned in many of my answers, marriage is a personal choice one makes. And it is purely upto him or her, regarding whom they want to be with. Everyone has the right to choose what they want and live the life they wish, free from all judgements.

But—

The way this virginity is parameterized differently for women and seen as a regal hallmark reeks of strong misogynistic attitude.

Let me explain with an easier example.

---

There is this 1981 so-called classic film Mouna Geethangal.

The plot goes like this — The protagonist is a happily married person. He cheats on his wife by having a one night stand with a widow. Later he accidentally blabbers about that sexcapade to his wife. She gets separated from him and the rest of film shows how nice of a person he is. In fact towards the climax he threatens to marry another girl. Changed, his wife comes there, begs him not to marry another girl, and when he refuses, she dares to die with her son.

This masterpiece ran for two years straight when it released. It is considered as a great film even today. You can see the comments raving about it here 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd4ZGgVyFW8&feature=youtu.be

  

 

And then, there is this 2017 short film Lakshmi.

It is about a housewife with a disinterested husband, who is not satisfying her sexually or emotionally and even has an affair going on outside marriage. She feels gets attracted to painter, who keeps appreciating her beauty.

This film was ripped apart on social media for spoiling the culture and corrupting traditions(

https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/tamil/lakshmi-short-film-review-why-we-need-to-re-think-about-how-we-see-women-on-screen-4932778/

)

. Most of the comments below the video were of the tone ‘I wish she didn’t have sex with him. They remained as just friends. Housewives expect a good friend not like this’

---

Why is there such a vast difference between a man’s sexual independence and women’s sexual independence?

Why is the former treated like some paragraph on page-454 of The Great Indian Culture, and why the later is considered as the coverpage of the The Great indian Culture?

For women alone, why this ‘virginity’ is given so much importance to the extent that it is considered as a measure of her purity?

This ‘preferential’ treatment is the actual problem in the society.

The way this virginity is overrated and considered as a checklist specifically for women is a sign of toxic patriarchy. It is not about one man’s preference anymore, rather it is the whole society ganging up to stereotype women.

This fear has gone to an extent, when a girl realises that she is in a toxic relationship, she refuses to come out of it and still continue to be in it as she was physically involved with the guy. She thinks coming out of it will only make things worse for her.

Even today, there are cases, people reject a marriage proposal just because the girl has many photos with guys in her social media profiles.

The fact that the society makes the ‘men’ to climb a pedestal up and then ask them ‘Will you give a chance to women who is not a virgin?’ assuming that the women are at their feet, seeking the validation from these men is an insane outdatedness and stupid social norm that must go.

  

     -Srinath Nalluri,M.Sc., B. Eng. Mechanical Engineering, National University of Singapore (2020)