It is easy to succeed.

Yes it is.

There is a logic behind this statement:

90% of people do not give their best. They either show off or waste time in complaining or give fake assurance to self that they are doing their best.

So here is a trick -

If you want to be successful at something, please understand that you are competing with only 10% of people.

Don't be scared looking at other 90% because these are the people who are there because:

1. Their parents, friends or colleagues told them to try for It
2. They are over confident
3. They are a part of little work, little play and all show off
4. They are too stubborn to change their opinions
5. They don't know what they are doing
6. They are the ones who begin at rocket pace but soon adopt turtle pace.
7. They don't want to succeed as hard as they are pretending they want to succeed
8. They are busy doing multitasking
9. They suffer from superiority complex
10. They are busy doing comparisons
11. They have only one goal - to earn money
12. They change their goals too easily
13. They don't work silently rather they work to prove their worth
14. They are insecure about everything
15. They interfere in other people's business
16. They are not consistent with their work
17. They give up easily

So If you are preparing for world's toughest exam or be an astronaut or the next Einstein or A. R.Rahman - get this in your head that you have to compete with only 10% of people.

And if you are doing anything or all from above mentioned 17 pointers - please accept the fact that you are also a part of 90%

-Kruti Naik

If a cab driver makes more money than an IT professional, why should I study?

I find that my studying routine for classes at MIT depends largely on 3 factors:

 1) how difficult the concepts are to grasp, 2) how much content there is to learn, and frankly, 3) how much I care about my grade in the class.

However, for the purposes of this answer, I'll elaborate a bit on my study habits for a hypothetical technical class that has a lot of difficult material, and one that I actually care about doing well in (this condition is pretty crucial). I'll break my studying habits down to what I do 1) In class, 2) Outside of class, and 3) For tests.

1. In Class:

• Sit in the first four rows of the lecture hall. This has the effect of helping me stay more alert (read: awake) in class since you feel like the professor is right there in front of you, eliminating distractions from people with laptops open, and helping me see better (some professors have tiny writing).
• Don't be afraid to be the guy who asks questions. I know, it can be awkward to be that guy. However, many times professors will assume knowledge about a particular concept that is not so obvious to the rest of the class. If there's a concept that just didn't make sense, I'll usually lean over to the person next to me for some quick clarification first, and if we both are lost, I'll raise my hand.
• Take notes as if you're taking them for your friend. I've been known to take some pretty scrupulous and neat notes. Call me anal, nitpicky, or whatever. But I've never encountered a situation where I've struggled to read my notes come review time. Taking neat notes in a very deliberate way also helps me internalize what I'm writing, so I don't have to relearn them again later. Learn the stuff in the moment so you don't waste another hour later having to learn it from your notes.

2. Outside of Class:

• The night before lecture, skim the corresponding section in the book. Can't emphasize this enough. To be clear, this isn't a detailed perusal of the content, but rather a quick flip-through to orient me to the material being presented. If there are bolded definitions or important diagrams, I might take some light notes. The point is, when I come to class the next day, I know which parts of lecture are particularly important to grasp and which ones are more peripheral. This step really shouldn't take more than 15 minutes per class, but it saves so much time later.
• Right after class, skim over your notes. I find that this helps tremendously. Often when I take notes, I'm concentrating on internalizing the particular diagram or definition and not necessarily tying it to the larger picture. Looking over the set of notes as a whole helps me fit the puzzle pieces together. How does the content at the end of the lecture fit into what he was talking about at the beginning? Are there obvious gaps in the topic that he failed to explain?
  
• Old-fashioned studying. Hopefully if you've done the two bullet points above, this step shouldn't take that much time. I generally find that the best way to do this is to have my notes and the book open at the same time, and just compare them to see if they jive. If there are parts in the notes that aren't in the book, or vice versa, make a note of that, and consider why that is. Is the topic new? Outdated? Unimportant?

3. For tests:
These studying tricks have worked extraordinarily well for me, but I realize that they might not work for everyone. But what's the harm in trying them out?

• Do your review at least 2 nights in advance. It's okay to cram when you need to - just do it 2 nights before. For example, if the test is Friday morning, do your cramming Wednesday night, not Thursday night. This will give you some buffer time to digest and chew on the material, not to mention relieve the pressure of last minute studying.
  
• Condense your notes twice. The best way I've found to review the material is to look back at your notes (which are hopefully detailed and neat), and condense/summarize them by half in another sheet of paper. Then take those condensed notes, and halve them one more time. (When I say condense, I don't mean just write smaller - I mean actually summarize the concepts so that the new set of notes only contains what you deem to be the really important or overarching themes of the unabridged notes.) When you are all done, your final notes should be able to fit on one sheet of paper, front and back. Carry this with you and do a mini skim-over when you have a spare minute (a minute is all it should take to review this).

I hope this has helped! These are the primary study habits that have worked well for me over my four years at MIT. Not saying that they'll be perfect for everyone, but hopefully you'll take something helpful away from them

  -Michael Fu

The vast majority of abusers do not believe that they are being abusers. In fact, they oftentimes believe they are abuse victims, truly and sincerely.

 If you talk to therapists or counselors who work with abusers, the answer you get, over and over again, is "Abusers believe they are not abusing others". The vast majority of abusers do not believe that they are being abusers. In fact, they oftentimes believe they are abuse victims, truly and sincerely.

You can read a list of abusive behaviors to an abuser, but that almost never triggers a lightbulb. The abuser does not say "aha, I am being an abuser!" Instead, the abuser says "yes, I do that, but I do it because of this thing that she does to me. I am only protecting myself."

Abuse grows in soil where the abuser feels a combination of things, usually pain and entitlement to control.

Abusers are hurting. They are not healthy, happy people. They are suffering. Their suffering is real. It's often self-inflicted, but it's still genuine pain. They feel jealous or insecure. They feel that if they permit it their lover will leave them, or that their lover wants to be with someone else, or that they are in danger of being abandoned. It does not matter if these things are true or not. They feel true. If you're afraid of something that isn't actually dangerous, that doesn't make the fear you feel any less real.

But, and this is the dangerous part, they also believe, sincerely believe, that they are entitled to control their partner to relieve their pain. Lundy Bancroft, a therapist specializing in abuse who has worked with abusers for decades and written books about his experiences, says that abusers almost never change their abusive behavior (with intensive therapy, only about 3% of abusers change; without therapy, it's close to 0%) because abuse is, first and foremost, about attitude. An abuser feels justified in control. An abuser believes it is natural, right, and proper to control the victim.

If you look at relationship questions, you will see that lots and lots (and lots and lots and lots) of people truly, sincerely believe that it is okay to control your partner. As an example, look at any of the zillions of questions about "my girlfriend talks to other guys and that makes me feel bad, what should I do?" and you'll see many, many people say "tell her to stop talking to other guys! If she really cared about you, she would stop! If she loved you, she would not want you to feel bad, she would stop talking to other guys!"

This is a common social idea. Of course, abuse counselors and therapists will all tell you that trying to isolate someone else and control who they can and can not talk to is the #1 sign of abuse, yet people do it because they feel that doing it is their right. They truly believe "she is doing something wrong by making me feel this way; I have the right to stop her from hurting me by making her cut off contact with other guys." They believe not that they are being abusive, but that they are reacting to something their partner is doing that hurts them.

They do not realize that their partner talking to other guys is not what's hurting them; it's their own insecurity that causes the pain. They externalize responsibility for their own emotions: "She is hurting me by talking to other guys! I have the right to stop her from hurting me!" instead of "I feel insecure when she talks to other guys; my insecurity is hurting me."

I have found, when I've talked to abuse survivors and to people who do counseling for abusers, that it is absolutely common for abusers to accuse their victims of being abusers. So when you have two people both pointing their finger at each other and saying "they are abusive," how can you tell what is going on?

Look at which direction control goes in. Abuse is always, always about power and control.

The person who is trying to control their partner is the abuser.

So if you have two people, and one says "That person is abusing me by talking to other guys even though they know that talking to other guys hurts me, and they won't stop talking to other guys" and the other person says "That person is abusing me by trying to force me to stop talking to other guys," the abuser is the first one. They both feel hurt, neither one feels like an abuser, but the abuser is the first one. Abuse is about power and control.

Instead of changing your attitude about life or reading books, consider spending time to develop better core cognitive skills

 Instead of changing your attitude about life or reading books, consider spending time to develop better core cognitive skills.

Unlike getting tutoring or just studying more, this effort improves the basic mental components that support the overall thinking process. Functions like visual and auditory processing, working and long-term memory, attention & focus, logic & reasoning and processing speed to name a few. A weakness in any single one of those areas can thwart a person's overall ability to learn. When those things get better a person has increased confidence in approaching unfamiliar things, allowing them to make more considered choices in their responses.

For example, often a person who struggles merely has a problem with properly hearing spoken language. Sure they can hear words and know their meanings but if they have a hard time processing the input fast enough they might not be able to recognize and make proper sense of them. One might say it is like not being used to a thick accent. If you can't get the words it doesn't matter how smart you are, you won't have all the data necessary to interpret the situation. Or maybe it's like not knowing enough of the slang or jargon. Incomplete or bad data can leave you confused, especially if you have an inkling you're missing something. Kinda hard to think clearly when that happens.

Anyway, that's just one example. You can imagine other ways thinking becomes difficult, like when you have poor working memory. If you can't keep track of the data you can't make consistently accurate conclusions. Again, you might be aware of that problem and anxiety & self-doubt can build over it thus inhibiting your thought process even more.

All those things I listed above work together to support higher level thinking - and they're applicable on a global level, not just being able to do math problems in your head or make snappy comments in the moment. Getting better input from all your senses gives you much better materials for your brain to work with when thinking about pretty much anything.

Another way to improve your thinking is to change your approach to listening or reading. Listening to understand rather than listening to reply is better in the long run. Geez, that sounds like a cheesy meme but it's true.

-Peter Wick, PhD in Pharmacology

Behaviors that we do repeatedly in childhood to cope with real threats can become liabilities in adulthood

 Behaviors that we do repeatedly in childhood to cope with real threats can become liabilities in adulthood. However, our brain is built in such a way that the most often repeated behaviors become encoded in our brain as habits.

What is a habit?

Habits can be thought of as something we do automatically without much, if any, conscious thought because we have done it repeatedly. For example, bringing a fork filled with food to our mouth is hard when we are two years old, but by adulthood we have done it so many times, we just do it without thought or conscious effort.

What is Neural Darwinism?

Habits are supported by groups of neurons in our brain that become connected and fire together, given a specific triggering stimulus. Gerald Edelman, the Nobel Prize winning neurologist developed the concept of “Neural Darwinism.” In essence, Neural Darwinism states that the most used set of connected neurons that fire together diminish the possibility that other, weaker neuronal networks will respond to the trigger. Eventually, the less used networks degrade, and the most used one “wins” and becomes the automatic default response.

How does this relate to childhood coping mechanisms?

By the time we reach adulthood, our childhood coping mechanisms are deeply entrenched in our brain. Neural Darwinism makes them our automatic responses. To respond differently to triggers, we have to:

• Become aware of our habitual old responses.
• Decide on what would be better to do instead as adults.
• Inhibit the old, no longer adaptive habits.
• Practice the new thoughts and coping mechanisms over and over again until they become the new winner of the Neuronal Darwinian competition.

It is all very logical and doable, if we put in the necessary efforts. That is why I know Personality Disorders can be treated. It is a bit like learning to play a new musical instrument.

The main complications are handling painful emotions from the past and being willing to question our usual reactions. We have to learn not to base our feelings about ourselves on old reactions to us by our parents (who were also working automatically from their neural networks acquired during their lives).

Punchline: Childhood coping mechanisms become ingrained habits that are supported by neural networks in our brain. We cannot simply stop them. We have to develop and practice new and better ways to react as an adult and through repetition build the neural networks to support them.

A2A

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

www.elinorgreenberg.com

Financial Failure ?

Should I be truly an expert at one thing or have competence over many things ?

 One of the common mistakes I see people making in every area of their life is to assume that most things are an “either/or” equation.

But they aren’t.

More often than not, they’re “both/and.”

And to answer your question, the BEST thing you can do with your life is to develop a wide breadth of skills and knowledge (a jack of all trades) AND devote yourself to mastering a single skill or trade.

Or to put it another way, “To build a T Shaped Life”

Let me break this down for you…

Mastery is said to require at least 10,000 hours of disciplined effort.

Which means that you can realistically MASTER one skill every 5 years (assuming that you’re mastering your primary profession and working 8 hours 5 days a week with a few holidays).

So, if you’re 30 right now and you live to be 70, it’s possible for you to become a true master of 5–8 different disciplines throughout your lifetime.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

To become “World Class” at something (in the top 5% of the world), you rarely need more than 250–500 hours of practice.

So…

Assuming that you’re only willing to devote only 3 hours a day to secondary skills—whether it’s reading, writing, playing the guitar, doing yoga, or training jujitsu—you can become highly competent at 2–3 MORE skills every year.

In a given decade, you can master two skills and become world class at 20–30 more.

Pretty crazy, right?

The trick is to become more disciplined in the way that you use your time.

Most Americans waste 6+ hours a day on social media, porn, TV, and video games.

And if you’re willing to cut back on these vices and invest those extra hours into more fulfilling pursuits, you can quickly build your own T shaped life where you are a master of 2–3 AND a jack of all trades.

Hope this helps.

Stay Grounded,
Andrew

{Bloggers' Note : By Top 5% Author meant that being in top 5% of total population of the world  in that skill which if you calculate is pretty much accurate. I will even go as far as to say that you can be  in among Top 1% of world population  in many skills but sure enough you will be among top 5% of world population in that skill if you dedicate & practice 250-500 hour. Do Try it, Pick One Skill & Learn & Practice it for 250-500 hours and then see }

Are you like this?

Five years ago, I was a.......

 Five years ago, I was a lazy kid who wasted his time playing video games and watching TV.

I dreamed of success, I dreamed of changing myself, I dreamed of making my parents proud!

One day, instead of dreaming, I began to act. I studied. I practiced. I left home at 8 AM and returned at 10 PM. I got obsessed.

Since then, I have

• 6 International Science Olympiad medals.
• 5 National Basketball Championship gold medals, being a starter.
• been admitted to the University of Cambridge

As I think of the moment when I transformed from the lazy guy to the hard-working one, I recall that I never read an advice from a stranger.

I never read a self-development article. I never asked how to change. Do you know why?

Because you, and I, and every single person on earth, knows what to do.

YOU know what you have to do! I KNOW what I have to do!

GET UP! FIGHT! WORK HARD! CHALLENGE YOURSELF!

Get up from your bed! Pick that toothbrush! Brush your teeth!

All you have to do is that little twist when you tell yourself “no, enough is enough! I WILL CHANGE! I WILL NOT STAY IN THIS PIT!”

It’s not easy. I have been there. Changing habits is difficult. Changing a lifestyle is even harder.

But look yourself in the mirror, ask yourself who do YOU want to be?!

Whatever your answer is, fight for it. Push yourself to do the necessary things.

BE THE DIFFERENCE-MAKER IN YOUR LIFE!

Stop saying “I can’t”. Of course, you can’t when you say it like it.

You can! You can! You can!

Unless you are suffering from depression or other psychological disorders, then you bloody can!

Don’t lie to yourself.

-Ara Mambreyan

If a cab driver makes more money than an IT professional, why should I study?

How to Stop Being Average/Mediocre ?

 The answer to this is known by all, provided you have the courage to ask your inner self.

I am not the best. But I have myself observed in my inexperienced life that the path to being the best or the ‘different’ or the ‘ground-breaker’ lies in the road of ‘averageness’.

You just need to work hard for it. There is no substitute for it. the moment you start working hard, you are on your road to ‘bestness’. the moment you get satisfied and start living like ‘the other guys’, you lose it all. You become one of the many ‘other guys’.

You don’t need to do anything different, just follow what your job is with cent percent sincerity. And give your maximum. You lose the track towards ‘bestness’ the moment you think of relaxing(relaxing here means leaving the work you are doing for some other activity, and not related to sleep or whatever).

See all the distinguished people in the world. They didn’t do anything special. They led a normal life with full devotion, and ended up being special. When I see people who are awesome at Computers, or whatever, they have just been working hard for years.

I, like almost everyone(again, as I said above, everyone knows the answer to the question asked) have seen many ups and downs in my life. After observing myself and many others, I have come to the above realizations. I am fortunate enough to have seen the best and the worst of me at a young age. I have seen how sincerity towards a job can do wonders, even if others have a better affinity towards the job than you, and I have also seen how you can get left behind if you lose the zeal.

I am yet to discover what the ‘best’ is, but I am sure it hasn’t come yet. I am young and inexperienced. But I know somewhere inside that the road to ‘bestness’ passes through towns called determination, hard work, and focus.

 

-Kalpit Veerwal, 360/360 in JEE Mains - AIR 1

I am a high achiever

 

I am a high achiever. Since early age, I have been ambitious and over the years I have developed a mindset that feeds my big appetite. Some people think that I am just a rat in a rat race. But, believe me, I know too well that life is not about ambition. To me, goals and achievements are like a video game levels which I pass and move on to the next ones.

That being said here are 7 THINGS THAT I LIVE BY TO REACH MY GOALS (when and if I have any):

N1) PUT WORK

No secret here. No bullshit. If you want to succeed you have to put work. Anyone who says otherwise is either a liar or won the lottery.

So unless you are one lucky fella, you have to put sweats and tears into your goals. That’s the only way you can truly succeed.

N2) I NEED PLANS

If I don’t know what I am going to do after 30 minutes, then my day is a waste. I need a strict plan which I have to follow. It makes things so much easier and I do not waste time on “imagining” how my day will turn out.

Instead, each night I put on a schedule for the following day. That way, I know what I am going to do and I do not waste time throughout the day.

N3) GOODBYE SOCIAL LIFE

People ask me how did I manage to achieve success while also being social. The sad truth is I didn’t. Social interactions absorb my mental energy.

When I am having an argument with my friend, and after an hour I sit down to work, I can’t be productive. All I do is analyze what my friend said, why he said it or how I should have reacted. I can’t do that if I want to concentrate on building skills.

Yes, sometimes I invest time in friends and people from whom I can learn. Sometimes I hang out with old friends whom I missed or with my family. But my time is usually limited and I generally don’t hang out frequently.

N4) SACRIFICE SHORT-TERM DELIGHT

In 10th grade, I had the opportunity to study astronomy and possibly participate in International Olympiads. However, I did not study for them as I believed that it was better to concentrate on some theoretical components before rushing into problem-solving.

People thought I was making a mistake, including my mum, teachers and friends. I did not participate in any International Olympiad in 10th grade.

The next year? 4 International Science Olympiad medals in a single year.

This brings me to my next point.

N5) OTHERS DON’T KNOW YOU

Hello others, I am Ara Mambreyan and you have no idea what goes inside my head.

In 9th grade, I heard how one of my teachers said that I wouldn’t succeed in science; 6 International Science Olympiad medals since then. “The dumbest person in that basketball team”; 5 National Basketball Championship gold medals while being a starter. “I don’t think writing is yours”… decent writing skills now (or so I would like to believe).

People don’t know you. Yes, it’s important to hear every advice and weigh each opinion. But it all comes down what works for YOU!

N6) FORGET PRIDE

My teacher says that I am dumb. Who cares?

If he thinks so, it’s because I left such an impression. It’s not personal. It’s either my idiosyncrasy or his. Either way, you do not have to lose the opportunities someone provides — be it partnership, knowledge or advice — just because they don’t like you.

Pride is not a good nothing. Yes, it’s important to know your worth. But people are… well, people and you have to understand everyone.

There is nothing personal…

N7) OH, BUT TAKE IT PERSONALLY

The only way you can succeed is if you really, really, want something. Motivation is like the fuel that you have to drive the road of success. If you don’t have it, you better settle.

But to have motivation, you have to take things personally. You have to want to prove the world your worth, prove that people were wrong about you, prove that you are great…

Take it personally…

-Ara Mambreyan

It is easy to succeed...