Behaviors that we do repeatedly in childhood to cope with real threats can become liabilities in adulthood

 Behaviors that we do repeatedly in childhood to cope with real threats can become liabilities in adulthood. However, our brain is built in such a way that the most often repeated behaviors become encoded in our brain as habits.

What is a habit?

Habits can be thought of as something we do automatically without much, if any, conscious thought because we have done it repeatedly. For example, bringing a fork filled with food to our mouth is hard when we are two years old, but by adulthood we have done it so many times, we just do it without thought or conscious effort.

What is Neural Darwinism?

Habits are supported by groups of neurons in our brain that become connected and fire together, given a specific triggering stimulus. Gerald Edelman, the Nobel Prize winning neurologist developed the concept of “Neural Darwinism.” In essence, Neural Darwinism states that the most used set of connected neurons that fire together diminish the possibility that other, weaker neuronal networks will respond to the trigger. Eventually, the less used networks degrade, and the most used one “wins” and becomes the automatic default response.

How does this relate to childhood coping mechanisms?

By the time we reach adulthood, our childhood coping mechanisms are deeply entrenched in our brain. Neural Darwinism makes them our automatic responses. To respond differently to triggers, we have to:

• Become aware of our habitual old responses.
• Decide on what would be better to do instead as adults.
• Inhibit the old, no longer adaptive habits.
• Practice the new thoughts and coping mechanisms over and over again until they become the new winner of the Neuronal Darwinian competition.

It is all very logical and doable, if we put in the necessary efforts. That is why I know Personality Disorders can be treated. It is a bit like learning to play a new musical instrument.

The main complications are handling painful emotions from the past and being willing to question our usual reactions. We have to learn not to base our feelings about ourselves on old reactions to us by our parents (who were also working automatically from their neural networks acquired during their lives).

Punchline: Childhood coping mechanisms become ingrained habits that are supported by neural networks in our brain. We cannot simply stop them. We have to develop and practice new and better ways to react as an adult and through repetition build the neural networks to support them.

A2A

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

www.elinorgreenberg.com

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