An Overheard Conversation Conversation about Myself

“If you go through with this, Anthony will end up dropping out of school and doing drugs.”

We have an older cousin in my family, who has credentials in psychology from a school that is unranked and questionably accredited.

Semblances of power, illusion of intelligence.

When my mom separated from my violent father, his side of the family—mostly the women—held a congregation about how to move forward with the situation.

I wasn’t there myself, but heard through others how events unfolded.

Most people saw my mom in the wrong—because women don’t divorce their husbands. Especially Armenian women, and especially Armenian women in our family. It wasn’t just taboo, it was disgusting. It was a stain on her life that would remain immortalized through twisted agendas and sinister manipulation of detail.

The women in that room flattened my mom.

The saddest thing is that my mom’s mom had done a fantastic job in lowering her self-esteem all her life.

20 years of abuse from her mother.

17 years of abuse from her husband.

This congregation functioned to remind my mom the things she has heard all her life:

She’s an idiot.

I knew from the earliest moments in my childhood that both sides of my family had issues. Some clearly severe and some mellow—like a soft consistent current only sometimes washing over you unexpectedly.

But my focus on this life going forward had nothing to do with me. My focus had been on my mom and sister.

The purpose of this congregation was to determine, to some capacity, the family’s jurisdiction over her own children. Without the courts. It was to tell her that she couldn’t take the kids. It was to remind her that she’s an idiot, and her kids belong to her husband, whether she divorces or not.

And then, the last few words as a reminder of what would happen to me.

If my mom did this, and ended her relationship with her husband, that I would end up on the streets, homeless, on drugs, without direction—probably dead.

A reminder to an already confused 37 year old soul, filled with mixed messages all her life.

My mom hasn’t really known to make a stand for much in her life.

To this day, I feel like if I don’t shield her from disgusting people in my own family, they’ll consume her on the spot.

That if I don’t shield her from her own mother, she’d be tossed to the wolves yesterday.

But that year was different.

She ended her abusive relationship with my father.

We ended up in a tiny apartment in the San Fernando Valley.

Me and my little sister both ended up attending UC Berkeley, and we both ended up in great careers.

My little sister even graduated from college a year early, and traveled Europe for 4 months each summer.

We didn’t become drug addicts.

We didn’t become homeless.

We absolutely struggled. We had really bad days.

We overcame.

I became the opposite of what my cousin had in mind.

Hell, I don’t even smoke or drink.

While I wouldn’t wish my path on anybody else, it didn’t isolate me from the world. It opened me up to love and ultimately catapulted me to succeed.

Her words motivated me, not because I was ever going to become a drug addict, but because it hilariously represents how detached some of my family members are from actual reality.

I’ve always known who I was. I’ve always known how loved I am by my mom and sister.

The whole situation gave me insight.

You can’t teach perspective. Two people looking at the same thing can conclude two diametrically opposite things.

Overhearing those words taught me that you can’t fight reality into someone’s mind.

Sometimes, the contingency of your success requires you to leave your current environment permanently.

-Anthony Andranik BS Mathematics-UC Berkeley)

Try using this trick for 7 days.........

I cant understand probability and combinatorics, even if I think that I understand the fundamentals............

I have to smile at this question.

For a long time, I considered myself in the same boat. Hell, I still consider myself in the same boat, even if I know a lot more probability and combinatorics than I used to. My knowledge in this area has always been grossly disproportionately small when compared to my knowledge in any other area of mathematics.

If you’re still early in your mathematical journey, perhaps I can help a little. I have a two-part suggestion:

First, slow down and figure things out by first principles. Use formulas and algebraic manipulations only as a last resort.

In other words, if I asked you how many ways there are to make a committee of 5 people from a class of 30 people, you shouldn’t think 30!/(25!⋅5!)$30!/(25!\cdot 5!)$. You should think (305)$(\genfrac{}{}{0ex}{}{30}{5})$. And maybe even to take even a further step back, you shouldn’t instantly think (305)$(\genfrac{}{}{0ex}{}{30}{5})$, but instead kind of think about what that expression means, and whether it really is the right tool for the job.

Another fundamental question that sometimes trips people up is when to add and when to multiply. I won’t attempt to explain it here (even though it’s straight forward). Instead, I just want you to sensitize you to that question.

Then do a bunch of problems. You’ll be really slow. Go back and check your work, and hopefully learn from the solutions. Flag those problems as problems you missed, and do them again in a few days after you forgot at least a little bit about the solution.

Where to get the problems? This might be a little old fashioned, but:

I’m a big fan of this series of books. I don’t know how old they are, but I loved them in the early/mid-90s. I doubt they have been updated much, except maybe for the typography.

But they’re really great books, because they have a ton of problems and solutions that are “parsed” very well. What I mean is, you’ll see at least one problem that features every line of thought (or outright trick) you’ll need to know. And many more that you don’t.

If you hunker down and do every problem in this book, you’ll be a master. If you hunker down and do half the problems in this book, you’ll be an expert.

-Charles Slade

Nothing can motivate you unless you really want to do something......

Nothing can motivate you unless you really want to do something. And if you want to do something you don't need any motivation

These children are not motivated by anyone , no one pushes them to study, they don't complain about not having a comfortable place to study.

They want to study so they do. Uncomfortable place, poor lighting, lack of motivation does not stop them.

All the best 😊

-Samyu Ramesh

SSC CGL

Well my story for SSC CGL started from d day when one of my friends came to my house and on the name plate outside my house he saw the designation of my father as AAO and then he told do you know this time ssc is recruting direct AAO for the very first time. And i was like you must be kidding right, SSC never recruits AAO’s directly and then he said no m serious and showed me the ssc cgl 2016 notification and actually a new post was added in 2016 i.e of AAO. I was so happy i always wanted to work in CAG as since childhood i have been seeing my father auditing the accounts of government departments, finding out any frauds,misuse of public money etc, all this has always fascinated me.

So, i decided to apply for the same and then i joined tutions for d same. I wasnt prepare for the prelims and somehow the ssc cgl pre got postponed,trust me i was d happiest dat day and then i started studyng really hard to crack the ssc cgl in the very first attempt. Everthing from pre to mains to tier 3 went well and i managed to secure AAO post in SSC CGL,i was on cloud nine that day. But real struggle started after that when i got the news of court case. Those 6–7 months were the hardest for me and my family. Each and evrey relatives, friends etc were asking about my joining and there was no sign of getting it but somehow atlast after the result of court case i got my joning as AAO in gujarat. Firstly, we were sad that i didnt get posting in Rajasthan but as it is said you have to step out of your house if you want to fulfill your dream.

And it feels great to be a part of such a prestigious institution and serving your nation.

-Deepika Yadav

Have you ever wondered why you believe what you believe?

Have you ever wondered why you believe what you believe? Have you ever been told you can do or be anything you want in this world? But like a controlled car crash, your subconscious comes along and slaps the thought of unlimited potential into the wayside.

We reach positive and negative conclusions that we are not very smart, socially awkward, a talented athlete or extremely logical in decision making. You see whether we have experienced good or bad thoughts, all of these are based on our beliefs. And beliefs are a series of reference points that have all occurred within our past life all of which equals our mental strength.

Take a moment to think about your past and let's look at these few scenarios. When you were growing up, the generic thoughts of becoming a Doctor, Lawyer or Professional Athlete may have entered into your potential vocation options at one point. If you are one of the three, over your life, as a teen you may have met the opinion of peers, who have highlighted how good you are at chemistry and in equal part how good your memory is, even ‘photographic.’ Additionally, a sports coach may have said: “everyone watch how Max passes the ball, now you should replicate what he is doing”. For Max, this is an example of a reference point, where his skills have been reconfirmed. Leading to a positive belief he is more competent than others. Conversely, as you can imagine, a teacher scolding you for the inability to recite 2 lines of Shakespeare may have led to some inaccurate self-limiting beliefs along your life journey, resulting in you believing you are useless at English and your quest into journalism became paralysed.

So I am here to tell you something quite fascinating and unbelievable, all your beliefs can be changed and you can live a life of unlimited potential at any age.

Hopefully, you have realised by now a belief has the ability to empower or destroy one’s self-esteem and subsequent life if enough reference points are compiled.

What is a limiting belief?

A limiting belief is one that causes life to be less than completely satisfying. A negative and limiting belief sticks with you, it robs your energy and results in self-sabotage and this will only change if you are willing to commit to change. But before we embark on how to change your beliefs, you have to be open-minded to realise all the small things you believed to be true for all these years just might not be so.

Let us look at universal beliefs. These are statements that at some point we or others have said.

“I DON’T HAVE TIME.” - We all have the same hours in the day. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Your Mother, Your best friends, homeless people and yourself. Why do others seize the day and achieve impressive results? Simply put they prioritise their should-do’s into a must. If they have to solve a problem at work because their business depends on it then they will make it a must, If your friend leaves work at 5 pm and is in the gym at 5.15 pm and in great shape, his must is his health. The truth is that it is an allocation of priorities, we believe certain areas of our lives are simply more important than other areas.

“IT’S TOO EXPENSIVE.” Many will struggle to spend £10 each week on a book that could change their life but easily spend £10 for an office lunch. It is a perception of value, they believe the food is a must and the book non-essential. When you find a way to invest in yourself you will have true nourishment.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND.” We have all encountered a close family member who sees eating healthy as a mysterious art. They believe setting up a wireless router is easier. The truth is, food has served them as sustenance thus far in life so why change? There is no need to understand further. Ignorance is not bliss, Understanding is.

“I COULD NEVER DO THAT.” I wanted to become an architect when I was younger. Yet my maths teacher was not fond of rewarding me with good grades. My parents would say “it is clear it is not your strongest subject, you are more creative” I subsequently took the viewpoint I was terrible at maths, thus eliminating career choices. One despondent day, I actually said, “What if I could be an architect, what would I need to do? “That one question led me to a change in beliefs and perseverance in picking up a degree in architecture.

“I AM JUST NOT GOOD WITH MONEY.” “We all like spending money, the world economy is failing, Brexit is terrible for us, I can’t afford to save. I am going to live for today and spend on me and enjoy my life.” I am still unsure why people feel this statement is cathartic as if is justifies being financially poor. Well, the truth is the world has held up pretty well this far. And that logic has not created any billionaires yet, take the time to educate yourself from financial masters of the universe, then tend to leave very good clues.

Now make time to consider which beliefs might be limiting your potential. All of your behaviours are an indicator of your beliefs.

So how do we get rid of negative beliefs?

To change anything, you must first identify it. Open a new document on your computer and do the following;

1)Make a list of the areas in your life where you feel challenged.

Finances, health, relationships, fun. Simply put anything down under these categories where you feel there is a road-block.

2) Identify the beliefs that are contributing to your challenges.

‘I will never be able to get a promotion, I am too overweight to get in shape, No one fancies me.’

3) Identify the beliefs that are holding you back.

‘I need more skills to earn more money. I am comfortable with my weight. I am so unattractive.’

4) Put those negative beliefs in order.

List out what is the most negative for you and tackle that first.

Time to change that belief…

5) Read the belief out loud and ask yourself,

“Do I really know that this is true?” Remember, you cannot draw conclusions from a limited number of experiences.

6) Where the heck did you come up with this belief? Write down why you think this. Did this belief of not getting a promotion come from your co-workers? They are not a reliable reference.

7) Then state out loud to yourself,

“This is not true, this is what have believed up until now, I choose not to believe this anymore. My beliefs are simply not true.”

8) Create a new belief that serves you.

“I believe I can easily get that promotion.”

9) Measure yourself.

Find someone who got a promotion, what did they do, what do they know? Implement their steps and take action. Congratulations you have just embarked on the process of reframing your beliefs. Follow this process, repeat daily your new beliefs and take steps.

You cannot just say out loud what you want, you need to take the action to do so.

10) Reinforce the belief.

Now go back to your list of limiting beliefs and Repeat all the above steps on a regular basis, once you have replaced a limiting belief go through your list and keep working through. In life, you will always encounter pervading negative thoughts the secret is the process and action you take to overcome and not let them fester.

Your life should be lived on your terms, not the opinions of others.

-Landis Bagnall

Siblings Who Earn More Than You

Both my sisters earn more than me and one of them earns twice of my salary :) :) . One works in a premier MNC and another in a bank.

Am I happy ? Yes.

1. They pamper a lot with gifts and all.
2. They pay for my subscription of Netflix, Amazon Prime
3. At times they pay for flight fare, my trips.
4. Yeah, I do in return as well.

Am I jealous? No.

If you are in Government job, the salary is quite average. There should be someone in your home to earn as well. (Ghar mein koi kamane waale bhi hona chaahiye :) :) .

Bottom line: Educate and skill our girls who can become self dependent.

-Abinash Mishra,B.Tech-IITKGP

अरे! ये बिहार बोर्ड से अाई है ! कपड़े देखो इसके! गवांर

अरे! ये बिहार बोर्ड से अाई है !

कपड़े देखो इसके! गवांर

वो ५वी कक्षा कभी भूल नहीं सकती मैं, जब पटना आई थी गांव से , मेरे कपड़े सुंदर नहीं थे और नई जगह पे नया बिजनेस स्टार्ट करना अपने में कठिन काम है सो गरीबी तो थी लेकिन पिता जी ने उस हालत में भी हमारी पढ़ाई को प्राथमिकता दी और हमें औकात के अनुसार एक छोटे से स्कूल में भरती कर दिया इसलिए शायद ज्ञान और पढ़ाई की अहमियत को अच्छे से जानते हैं हम।

जब प्राइवेट स्कूल में आए तो यहां के बच्चे हमें नीचे दर्जे के जान पता नहीं क्यों इतना नफरत करते थे। खैर उनका तो पता नहीं परन्तु नए शहर और नए स्कूल दोनों जगह हम अकेला महसूस करते थे।

पढ़ाई भी सब इंग्लिश में थी सो शुरू शुरू में समझने में दिक्कत आती थी और नतीज़ा शिक्षक भी हमें पसंद नहीं करते थे।

जब ५ का फाइनल परीक्षा आया तो सारे सब्जेक्ट ( हिंदी को छोड़) फेल पूरा २६% बस , सारे शिक्षकों नें बुराई की लाइन लगा दी मां के पास, और बोला इससे ना होगा बेकार उम्मीद लगा रखी है आपने ( मैं बता दूं मेरी बहन उसी में नंबर ले के आई और भाई भी)

फिर मां निराश हो गई और हमें निराशा भरी नज़र से देख रही थी , कुछ कहना तो चाहती थी परन्तु कह नहीं पा रही थी

पता नहीं तभी हमारे क्लास टीचर को क्या हुआ ( सुनील सर उनका नाम था और ये असली नाम है) , वो आए पास और बोला ,

सुनील सर:- नमस्ते ! आप मनीषा की मां है?

मां :- हाँ सर, नमस्ते! क्या कहूं पढ़ती तो रहती है परन्तु इस माहौल में ढल नहीं पा रही , अब हम भी पढ़े लिखे नहीं है कि पढ़ा सकें, अभी ट्यूशन भी तो बहुत महंगी मिलती है।

सुनील सर:- अरे! क्या बोल रही हैं, इसे ट्यूशन की जरुरत ही नहीं है , बहुत मेहनती है और मुझे पूरा भरोसा है अगले साल आपको और अपने क्लास टीचर को नाराज़ नहीं करेगी । क्या मनीषा , है ना? और ट्यूशन तुम क्लास के बाद मुझसे सारे क्वेश्चन पूछना , तुम्हारे सवाल का हल निकाले बिना अब घर नहीं जाऊंगा बाकी तुम्हारी मेहनत ।तुम्हारी मेहनत तुम्हें अगले साल टॉपर भी बना सकती है।

मुझे मनीषा पे भरोसा है, आप भी रखिए , और देखिए क्या करती है ये।

बस सर की उन बातों नें जैसे मुझमें साहस भर दिया , और पता नहीं क्या हुआ हमने अचानक बहुत पढ़ना शुरू कर दिया , मन में एक ही बात अगले साल किसी भी शर्त पे सर को नाराज़ नहीं करूंगी , हां सर को समय नहीं मिल पाया कि रोज पढ़ा सकें सो हम सर के घर पहुंच जाते थे सवालों का बंडल ले के हर रविवार । बस ज़िद अजीब सी, अपने आप को जीतने की। दोस्त भले अभी भी नीच मानते थे कोई बात भी नहीं करता था परन्तु अब ध्यान ही नहीं था उनमें, लगे थे हम खुद में।

धीरे धीरे , कक्षा में चमकने लगे और सुनील सर हमेशा बोलते थे , आ गया बस एग्ज़ाम का समय मनीषा याद है ना?

खैर उनकी ये बातें जैसे मुझमें जोश भर देती थी और

आ गया वो समय एग्जाम का ,

ओवर ऑल परसेंटेज:- 92%

सोशल साइंस के मार्क्स ( सुनील सर का सब्जेक्ट):- 99

क्लास रैंक :- 4

हां भाई हम टॉपर नहीं बन पाए पर मां और सुनील सर के नजर में हम टॉपर थे और सोशल साइंस की हाईएस्ट स्कोरर ।

¶¶ बदलाव :-

१. क्लास में सब दोस्त बन गए।

२. कॉफिडेंस खुद पे आ गया , कपड़े भले अभी भी पुराने थे परन्तु अब कॉन्फिडेंस का मेकअप लग गया था।

३. टीचर्स हमें पसंद करने लगे सारे परंतु हम तो १०वीं तक सुनील सर के ही चमची बने रहे , क्लास टीचर कोई भी हों।

सीख:-

१. बस आपका विश्वास किसी पे भी , उसकी ज़िन्दगी बदल सकता है ( सुनील सर के विश्वास ने बदली मेरी).

२. अपने लक्ष्य पर ध्यान रखिए , दोस्त मित्र आपके अच्छे बनने का इंतजार कर रहे हैं , आपके अच्छे और सफल बनते ही वो आपके पास आ जाएंगे।

३. कभी भी अपने वचन से पीछे मत हटिए , उस वक़्त अगर मैं हट जाती तो सुनील सर तो मुझे भूल ही जाते और मैं खुद को कभी सम्मान नहीं दे पाती।

४. कपड़ा नहीं आत्मविश्वास आपकी सच्ची सुंदरता है।

५. ज़िद से कुछ भी हासिल हो सकता है अगर लगातार मेहनत होती रहे तो।

खैर सुनील सर अब मिलते नहीं परन्तु उनकी शिक्षा ने हमारे जीवन को बहुत कुछ दे दिया इसलिए कभी उन्हें भूल नहीं सकते हम।

अभी लंबा रास्ता है बस ज़िद कम नहीं हुई है अपने सपनों तक पहुंचने की , आग लगी हुई है देखते हैं क्या क्या जलाती है।

शिक्षा और विश्वास बस बांटते ही रहेंगे सब में,

क्या पता कब मेरी बातों का असर हो किसी पे और वो बदल जाए।

(खैर पापा का बिजनेस अच्छा चल गया था और आर्थिक समस्या का भी हल हो गया २ साल में)

चित्र स्रोत :- गूगल।

वैसे संघर्ष जैसे भगवान ने हमें तोहफा में दिया है हर मोड़ पे , अब तो बिना मेहनत का कुछ मिल जाए तो शक हो जाता है कि दाल में कुछ काला है , और सही में काला ही होता है।

-Manisha Jha