Thats Why Everyone is Bad in this World......

Let’s pretend I have a dark secret.

I believe I am not good enough and therefore I operate under that assumption.

I am convinced that in order to deserve love I have to please others.

I have to work at getting people to like me.

If someone else wants anything from me I am compelled to provide it. Otherwise, they won’t want to be with me.

Examples of what other people might want from me vary broadly: help with their homework, keeping their secrets, liking what they like, wanting to do what they want to do. Sex.

I’m almost pleading at first. I jump at the chance to give what I can.

But then, wait a minute. This isn’t right.

I feel used, become resentful, angry.

Resentment is a symptom of poor boundaries. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.

Another symptom of poor boundaries is the sense something is wrong with “everybody”.

Why is everybody using me? Why does everyone lie to me? Why does everyone end up betraying me?

Boundaries are hard to set – saying no is difficult – because the underlying belief is that saying no will cost me the relationship. It is an indication that I am not giving enough, that I am not loyal enough, not dedicated enough.

It must mean I’m selfish.

But setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s healthy. It’s how I respect myself.

Look around you. Boundaries are why fences exist, and walls and doors and curtains. They are indispensible for our well-being.

I need to honor myself enough to acknowledge that my boundaries can and will shift. They are mine, so they can do anything they want.

Yesterday I was happy to help you with your homework. I am not willing to do it today. I had sex with you last night. I don’t want to this morning. I don’t have to explain.

“No” is a complete sentence.

Boundary setting is a life-long exercise that you often need to re-examine, re-establish. I am giving up my weekend to finish what my boss asked me to do. I’m working late, again.

I’m saying yes when I want to say no to get someone to think well of me.

I need to be brave enough to say: this is who I am. This is what I like. This is what I can do for you. But, you can’t push against who I am. You can’t get me to like something I don’t.

You can’t get me to do anything that makes me uncomfortable.

My discomfort for your benefit is not healthy for either of us.

-Dushka Zapata

“I know, I know … ,”

“I know, I know … ,” my friend Peter said.

“What do you mean you know if I haven’t even explained how the strategy works?” I insisted.

The more I tried to talk to Peter, the more defensive he got.

“Listen to me, Peter,” I persisted. “I can help you brainstorm solutions to this problem.”

“No, no, Hector, I got it, I got it,” said Peter rejecting my help.

Later that night I asked myself, “What did I say wrong? Did I offend Peter in any way?” I worried.

I was confused. I could sense that Pete hadn’t been listening to me. I couldn't understand why.

---

Nearly a year went by before I had the opportunity to see Peter again at a friend’s house. After chatting a moment with him, I found the opportunity to talk about the misunderstanding of that day.

“Pete, I don’t know what happened that day. I could sense you were uncomfortable with my conversation. Please, accept my apologies if I offended you in any way that night.”

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong, Hector. No worries,” Pete said.

“But why you were so defensive? I don’t understand.”

“I almost lost my job a few weeks after that event. I was struggling with myself that day. Today I understand that I was arrogant and full of my success. My pride didn’t allow me to listen to your advice.”

“But I was just trying to help,” I said.

“Yes, I get it. Today I can understand more about my reaction that day. I call it the CEO disease.”

“CEO disease?” I asked. “You are a very successful CEO, my friend. What do you mean?”

Pete explained, “The problem with successful CEOs is that we have the power to create a world around us that caters to our own validation. We choose who we surround ourselves with. If we are full of our success, most of those people will want to please us, never telling us what we need to hear, no matter what warning signs may be flashing in front of us.”

“So that day you were uncomfortable because I was telling you what you didn’t want to hear?” I asked.

“Correct! This blindness almost destroyed the company!”

“Really? That bad?” I asked surprised.

“I’ve learned that the biggest inhibitor of success is arrogance and pride,” Pete said.

“It got really bad. We’re still making changes. Today, however, I don't want people to agree with me all the time! We need to challenge ourselves constantly to achieve success. That’s a culture of growth.”

“Great lesson, Pete!”

“Yes! Lesson learned: Never let success go to your head and failure to your heart,” Pete said laughing

-Hector Quintannilla

Attrition in Software Companies........

Apparently, there are 1.6 million students graduating each year from engineering colleges in India alone. All of them are hungry, some of them are talented. Plus, they are cheap, ready to drink the kool-aid and work hard to prove themselves.

They are excellent resources to replace the aging or slowing or experienced engineers who tend to become costly and legacy over time. Sure, there will be some valuable experienced engineers whose abrupt exit will hurt the team and organization. The management will try to retain them through negotiations. However, the job of management is also to ensure there are no such bottleneck superstars in the first place.

Most software companies have learnt to live with attrition. They have evolved into railway platforms. People come and go all the time.

-Imtiaz Mohammad,CSE IITK

Education and Awareness

This champ.

I have seen many students who messaged me with excuses that why they don’t want to study like

• Don’t have mood to study.
• Its very hot here. I need AC to study.
• I want study table to study.
• I will not study until I get computer.

On the other hand this kid who is not giving damn about whether he has those facilities or not.

He is studying whenever and where ever he get chance do you know why?

He has that burning desire that he has study hard and help his dad to support family with the finance.

This KID and his FATHER show us that if you want it you will find ways to do it.

Be like that kid and be proud about yourself.

You attract what you are, not what you want. if you want to be great, Do great and be great.

-Chandan V K

VALUE......

A father before he died said to his son: “this is a watch your grandfather gave and this is more than 200 years old, but before I give it to you, go to the watch shop on the first street, and tell him I want to sell it, and see how much it is”.

He went and then came back to his father, and said, "the watchmaker will pay 5 dollars because it's old”.

He said to him : “go to the coffee shop”. He went and then came back, and said: “He will buy it for $50 father”.

“Go to the museum and show that watch”.

— He went then came back, and said to his father “They offered me a million dollars for this piece”.

The father said: “I wanted to let you know that the right place values your value in a way right, don't put yourself in the wrong place and get angry if you don't.

Who knows your value is who appreciates you, don't stay in a place that doesn't suit you".

-Rajesh Manickam

Karma's Role In Unemployment

I was 23-years-old, freshly out of college, and living with a 27-year-old recent divorcee named Janice with a toddler she called Wilson.

What could go wrong?

My parents were understandably concerned. My friends thought I was nuts. Strangers seemed to be coming up to me with regularity wondering why I was spending so much time with a woman who was so obviously treating me with disdain. For my part, though, I was certain that I was in love and totally committed to being a caregiver for her young son. Whatever misgivings I had about the way she was treating me, I remained convinced that I could weather those storms and saw it as a virtue that I could be so patient through her rather, uh, mercurial behaviors.

She was estranged from her parents, the divorce had been ever-so nasty, and most of her friends seemed to have disappeared. I didn’t detect any red flags. I was in LOVE, I tell you.

I finally convinced her to go visit her parents during one of her crying jags related to not having any friends and feeling alone in the world, my company apparently notwithstanding.

She agreed, but insisted that if it went poorly, it would be my fault. I was resolute in my belief that if we had a positive attitude during the weekend at her childhood home, all would be well. I was certain that I could help her repair that relationship. She was convinced that her parents were meddlesome, out-of-touch, and generally cruel people.

Once we arrived, it become very quickly clear that her parents were EXTRAORDINARY people. They doted on her, were incredibly kind to me, and they adored their grandson. I couldn’t believe that these were the same people she had been complaining about from the day we had met.

She tried to pick a fight with her mother at dinner, but the lovely woman just wouldn’t participate. Everyone was so patient with Janice, which only seemed to infuriate her more. She angrily retreated to her bedroom in the middle of dinner, but I elected to stick around, engage her family, and see if I could figure out what was at the root of all the belligerence.

The behaviors I had seen since the beginning of our relationship, I soon learned, had been a factor in their lives from the time that Janice was born. She was paranoid, inappropriately aggressive in virtually all interactions, and suspicious of everyone else’s kindness. They also told me that her husband had been an absolute doll. They all agreed that I was yet another “nice guy” that she had latched onto and was abusing. They didn’t exactly tell me to head for the hills, but they certainly weren’t shy about warning me. I told them that I loved her and they gave me wan smiles and attempted to encourage me, but I could see in their eyes that they were genuinely worried about me, too.

When I went to the bedroom that night, she was sound asleep, and I continued to hold out hope that, somehow, tomorrow would be different.

She woke up in a tirade the next morning and declared that we were leaving. She refused to be treated this way any longer and she wasn’t subjecting her son to such abuse either. She told me to get in the truck or she was leaving without me. I apologetically followed her to the door, hugged her parents goodbye, and told them that I would keep working on her.

I drove because she was far too emotionally overwrought to keep her eyes on the road. She spent the first hour of the ride just venomously bitching about her parents and she refused to hear anything remotely approaching rationality with regard to anything that had occurred on our visit. It was starting to dawn on me that she was, perhaps, not entirely sane.

Finally, I pointed out that she was blaming everyone else in her life for her unhappiness, despite the fact that she was surrounded by people who were incredibly accommodating to her. I pointed out that if there’s a person who is always declaring that everyone else around them is the asshole, then maybe they need to look within to see who the real asshole is.

That did it.

She started battering me with her fists. Wilson was asleep in his baby seat on the right side of the cab and she was in the middle, doing everything she could to make me wreck her F-150. I used my right arm to block most of her blows and kept the truck on the road with my left, but I was immediately very concerned about safety for all of us, but particularly for poor Wilson. When she tired of attempting to land a solid punch on my face, she started slamming the back of her head into the rear window as hard as she possibly could. I still cannot believe that she was unable to shatter the glass. After about the third blast, Wilson awoke and started wailing. I pulled the truck over as soon as I could find a spot on the median and she slammed her head at least five more times before I got out of the truck and started walking.

She said nothing more to me, slid behind the wheel, and drove off. I was about an hour’s drive from the home we shared as the truck disappeared from my view.

I felt relief that I was out of the truck, but I was immediately worried about Wilson. This was long before cell phones and I was nowhere near anywhere that might have a pay phone. I started walking and eventually thumbed a ride.

My rescuer asked me what I was doing walking on such a desolate stretch of country road and I told him the story. His only response was exactly what I’d been hearing from virtually every person in my life: you gotta get out of there, man.

It took a lot of walking and several more really fortuitous rides with some very friendly folks, but I ended up making it home in about four hours. Her truck was parked askew in the driveway and both doors were still open. I looked in the window of the house and she was asleep on the couch while Wilson entertained himself on the floor.

When I let myself in, she awoke and asked, “What took you so long?”

What took me so long, indeed?

I packed my things, said goodbye to Wilson, hopped in my own vehicle, and drove to my parents’ house. They asked me where Janice was and I said, “Thanks for trying to tell me what I finally figured out.”

I called Janice’s ex-husband and explained everything, focusing on Wilson’s well being. I was eventually subpoenaed to testify in a custody hearing which gave full custody to Wilson’s father, who was, indeed, a heckuva nice guy.

It took me a few more relationships, but I finally figured out that a true romantic partnership should not require me to be my lover’s constant counselor or punching bag. I still have a profound appreciation for windshields in Ford trucks, though

   -David Wilkerson

 

They make fun of me......

 Theodore Roosevelt:

           It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Are you sure that you want to be happy at any cost?

Are you sure that you want to be happy at any cost?

If this is your determination, then, you have a solution.

No force on earth can prevent you from being happier except your mind!

Your mind is the mischief-monger. Your mind prevents you from being happy, and there is no doubt in it!

The first culprit is ‘Regret’

We are experts in regretting!

Whenever we meet our childhood friend, first thing we do ist to compare our achievements with theirs!

Why didn’t I do that?

This is a common question, we ask.

The compulsion to recall our past, and brooding over it is the root cause of our problems. This can be considered a main cause of unhappiness.

Justifying what we did, or condemn what we did is a sure path to depression.

It is the past that haunts us like a devil but we dare not cut our ties with it.

What would happen if you drop the past just as you drop a piece of hot charcoal that has fallen on your palm?

You would instantly become happy!

Happiness can never be achieved by the process of recalling our past and connecting it to the future in the present.

This exercise of connecting the past with the future in the present is a sure way of becoming unhappy in the present, that is ‘here and now’.

Do you know that the past and the future are pure imagination and only the present, the so called ‘now’ alone is real?

The past is only ‘memory-recalled’ and the future is just an imagination!

Why are we the slaves of this automatic recall of the past and imagination of the future?

The reason is our software, our mind.

We have hardware in the form of the physical body and the brain. The software ‘mind’ is subtle, meaning, it is beyond the perception of our senses. All of us experience the origin of thoughts; which suddenly appear in us. We don’t know their origin, but they appear. We have no control over these thoughts. The screen over which these thoughts appear from nowhere is indeed the ‘mind’.

The nature of the mind is to create time, space, and subject-object divide. It gives a sense of continuity to events that appear one after the other in the form of stills.

If reality is the reel of still photos, the mind runs them fast so that an artificial movie is created out of these stills. The mind is indeed the built-in software which has the blueprint of recalling the past and imagining the future in the present.

The mind creates the continuity and attachment to the external world and the physical body. As human beings, we have all identified with this mind entirely. It is something like a wild horse over which we are seated. We have no way to control this horse and we accept the journey on its back as a real situation. We want some rest but horse does not stop. We are forced to gallop on horseback as though we are possessed. This is our fate. Because of this, there is no human being in this world who is happy!

However, you have a choice to become happy this second!

As the horse gallops, become wise, and wait for the horse to stop on its own when it gets tired. You descend from the back of the horse and try not to get on its back but tame it. The process of taming the horse (mind) is called meditation.

We tame the horse when we live in the present. Refuse to recall the past or imagine the future at least for a few hours in a day. Just stay in the present. Have a pair of scissors in your mind and keep cutting the thoughts of the past and the future regularly. Have no other job except scissoring the thoughts that appear from nowhere. Steadily, it becomes a habit and the flow of thoughts becomes slow.

Your happiness is directly proportional to the reduction of thoughts generated in your mind. A stage is reached where you enjoy a brief ‘now’ without any thought. This is happiness. This stage, if extended for a longer duration is called bliss.

It is possible to become ‘blissful’ this moment if you follow my suggestion.

If you can’t, it is not the fault of my suggestion but your inability to get off the wild horse!

Thank you

Dr R N Sreenathan

You Must Know This.....

I remember the first time I saw what real wealth looked like. I was from a small family farm, and had moved to CT for grad school. Driving around the “Gold Coast” of CT, I saw things people would only see in magazines - bentleys, supercars, massive homes, etc.. it was just mind-blowing that someone had *that much* money.

I thought it had to be rare. At least, that’s how I felt growing up - no one had money like that.

Turns out, it’s not that rare. There are over 14 million people right now who have a net worth over $1 million dollars. Over 4 million people in the US have a net worth over $3 million dollars….and I could go on and on.

Supercar status is obviously a lot more than $1 million or $3 million net worth…but it is not as rare as most people believe.

Most people stay in their small circles their entire life.

Their circles don’t seem to be *that* small, but they are really very limiting. I know, because it was my circle too.

They’re people you’ve grown up with, gone to school with, people in your neighborhood, friends of your family, etc…

It keeps you around the same things - the same mindset, the same opportunities, the range of wealth…

You have no idea what is out there, and so no real idea what is possible & attainable for you.

In my time in grad school (and after it), I got to meet a lot of people who were doing amazing things…and making amazing amounts of money. Business founders, hedge fund guys, etc…

The realization? They weren’t special.

They weren’t any smarter than other people I knew, or somehow more motivated. They just knew of other possibilities many don’t even know existed, and went for them.

What you are aware of sets what you think is possible for your own life - it determines the choices you make, the goals you set, and what you do.

Thinking about this changed the course of my life, because I knew what was possible for me.

So one thing I know increases your chances of wealth? Exposure.

See what’s out there, and get outside of your own small circle. You might be amazed at what is possible for you too.

-Julie Gurner

RBI Grade B or a 18LPA Private Job?

Rather than comparing the present salary in both the jobs, I would compare career in two scenarios. The decision is individual’s, because at the end it is like what you like more:

1. RBI is a life time job and private job is daily fight- In RBI, every 3–4 months you get a reasonable salary hike, every-year you get some increment and every 5 years you get 20–30% hike due to wage settlements. This trend is going to continue till your retirement. After your retirement also there is a pension plan. While in private job you may get 0%–40% salary hike year on year. Starting today at Rs.20 lakh and with 20% increase every year you may get Rs.50 lakh pa after 5 years. You may also lose your job and may be struggling to get another good job in coming years.
2. RBI is sailing in ship and private job is roller-coaster ride - RBI is a big institution. There are well defined systems and process and job cards for every desk. Scope of your work is defined. You are not going to get out of turn promotion or a President medal for your extra-ordinary performance. In private job you will be rewarded or fired immediately for great and poor work respectively.
3. Work life balance -RBI job is a good work life balance. Office is 5 days a week and once you are back to home you hardly get disturbed by office work. In private jobs you may be working 24x7 and still struggling to save your job. But now a days good companies realize the importance of quality work and family time.
4. Power and prestige - RBI job is highly respected is no match with whatever position you have in a private company. However, society is changing and culture of Red-beacon (though RBI officer didn’t have it) and so called power is slowly dwindling. Still government jobs will always have certain prestige.
5. Black-swan events of life- Govt job is best in case of certain unfortunate events of life like critical illness or some serious accidents. In RBI your job is safe and you will be paid, but in private jobs if you are not able to work you will not get any salary; you may rather lose your job.

If you like a challenging life where you will be rewarded for your great work go for private job but be ready to face brutal failures if things are not in your favour. After the failure and struggle you can shine again.

However, if you want a peaceful and respectable life in which you can give more time to your family and friends choose RBI.

Microsoft Working Experience

Microsoft Bangalore! It was something that I even feared to dream.

Wao, the amazing campus that it has!

The gym cum cult group classes!

The futsal court

It was indeed something that I aspired for.

But beyond this, I am surrounded by a group of amazingly talented people who will continue to inspire me. The office hours are pretty chill. It’s easy to switch team and technologies in Microsoft owing to the large verticals of technology that it owns.

If you get to chose Microsoft, just go for it!

-Anubhav Shrivastava