Discipline....

S. L. Ave’s boss shouts at him. Ave knows that it isn’t his fault. But Ave’s mood is spoilt for the day. He returns home irritated. His family isn’t pleased to see his long face yet another day. Ave’s boss does it again the next day. Ave curses his boss the whole day. He’s fuming when he returns home and takes out his frustration on his family.

M.A. Ster reaches his office in a good mood. His boss shouts at him for no reason. Ster stops himself from swearing at his boss. I know he’s making a mistake. Let his blood pressure go up. Why should I harm myself? Ster tells himself, throws the incident out of his head and carries on with his work. On the second day, the incident repeats itself. Ster does it again. He doesn’t let himself get entrapped in the maze of thoughts about the incident. He comes home happy. Both he and his family have a great time.

S.L. Ave is an example of a person who is the slave of his mind. His mind controls him. M.A. Ster is an example of a person who’s in full control of his mind. He’s the master of his mind. That’s the difference between a person who’s self-disciplined and one who’s not. Be the master of your mind and not its slave.

         -Rahul Shrivastava

C++ is Difficult..........

Learning C ++ is easy. Yes, easy. It's huge but easy. The problem is that there are several people who lie saying that it is difficult because it is extensive. Do not believe them. Those people want a language that has nothing to study but very powerful, that is absurd. If you are lazy, believe me, everything where there is something to learn, will be “difficult”. If you really want something relatively “difficult”, learn quantum mechanics, for example.

First, C++ is an easy language because to code in C++ you do not need to learn everything about this language. For example, C is a subset of C++, therefore, if you know how to code in C, you know how to code in C++.

Second, you can learn about OOP. If you include this topic, you will have more power. However, it is optional. Anyway, it's relatively simple. If you know Java, then you'll find OOP in C++ straightforward. If you do not know OOP before, it will require more time, but nothing more complicated than any other OO programming language.

Third, you can learn about the standard library. It is also relatively easy but extensive. Again, it is optional and you do not need to study all its innumerable details. Just knowing a few details of the standard library will give you a lot of power.

Fourth, you can learn about generic programming. This could be more difficult because you must learn to think in a different way. Anyway, the vast majority of C++ programmers do not know the details of the generic programming (templates). So it's totally optional. You can leave it for later without problems. Anyway, when you learn it you will have superpowers. Well worth the effort.

Fifth, you can learn about concurrent programming. Again, this is very powerful but it is not necessary to code in C++. The point here is that only a small part of the C++ coders know these techniques. If you do not know about concurrent programming, you will be within 95% of good C++ programmers, so do not worry. Anyway, one day you will learn about concurrent programming and you will get even more power.

Finally, there are many other details to learn that I will not mention here. Yes, C++ is a very big language and it is very demanding if you want to learn everything. The important point is that you do not need to learn everything that is allowed in the language. If you want to learn everything, you will need time and dedication, but this does not mean that C++ is difficult. As I said C++ is huge but easy.

Think of C++ as a language with a lot of future. You can learn a little and start coding in the most powerful and efficient language in the world. But, the point is that there is almost always more to learn, giving you more power at every step.

In conclusion and answering your question, C++ is easy.

-Prof Mario Galindo (Phd in CS)

Physicist Need to memorize Hundreds of Equation?

I recall being a freshman at Columbia, and running into dozens of equations in my introductory mechanics course. (We were following a book by Sears and Zemansky.) I despaired at learning all those equations, and then realized that I didn’t have to. If I remembers F = ma, then I could derive all of the other equation whenever I needed them. There were some equations that were separate, such as the equations for friction, so I had to memorize a few more, but I recall that for each exam (until the final) it was two or less.

As a freshman, I also took a very advanced math class. Unlike the more elementary class, in which students memorized dozens of ways to do integral, our exams were all based on abstract reasoning, reaching difficult results or proving theorems based on deceptively elementary principles. For this class I don’t think I ever memorized an equation. But my friends, who were studying introductory integral calculus, did.

As a result, I have never become good at “doing integrals.” It never mattered in my career. If I needed to do an integral, I could always look it up in a table, or ask someone else. Just as few people need the capability to compute a square-root by hand, a physicist hardly ever has to evaluate an integral. Some people are different. One of my favorite professors at Cal was Evan Wichmann. When he was stressed out and wanted to relax, he told me, he would find some tricky integral to calculate. He never had to look it up to see if he got the right answer, because he was disciplined enough to always know if he was right.

I’ve often said that I never could be a biologist, chemist, historian, politician… because I don’t have a good memory. Then I read a wonderful book by Nigel Caulder called “The Mind of Man.” Among other topics, he discussed people who have “eidetic” memory, often called “photographic memory.” These extraordinary people, it turns out, tend to have (on average) extremely poor analytic ability. So maybe, I thought, my poor memory is related to my ability at math, physics, and abstract reasoning. If so, then I should not regret my poor memory.

So I’ve lived with this disability my entire life. I have poor memory for facts, foreign languages, people’s names, even faces. Fortunately, with a career in physics, this disability has not been disabling.  -Richard Muller

Being Generous with Mean people?

It is foolish to be generous with mean people.

I know a person who was a senior officer in State Government.

On the request of his wife, he gave a good amount of money to his brother-in-law.

However, after couple of years, his brother-in-law refused to return him the money claiming that he lost all the money in business.

Hence, when his younger/second brother-in-law demanded money from him for doing his business, he refused.

However, his wife prevailed over him and told him to give as much money to her younger brother as he has given to the elder one.

And he was forced to give the money to his younger brother-in-law knowing fully well that it would never be returned.

He was not alone to be duped by mean people who are found in plenty all around us.

If you are a good and generous person, you are likely to be exploited by mean and unscrupulous people, who take your kindness for granted and demand that you help them because you have helped others.

One of my relatives had to learn this lesson in very hard way.

He was in a Government service at senior position and he helped one of his relative to get a government job using his influence.

Very soon, almost all his relatives started camping in his house and demanded that he must arrange a government job for them too.

This adversely affected the family life of my relative as his children were compelled to vacate their rooms to accommodate their relatives and suffer a lot due to presence of so many mean people in his house demanding a job.

However, most of these mean people cursed him later (and even now) because he could not get a government job for them or arrange good postings for those who got the jobs.

Once you identify that a person is mean, you must maintain a good distance from him and refuse to help him in any way.

It is better to suffer little criticism early than to be cursed later for not fulfilling their expectations.

-Dr.Awdhesh Singh (ex IRS officer)

Husband Hits you ? Effect of poor husband & wife relation on their children?

This is the most important question I could ever respond to on Quora. I am going to say something that I have said in other answers I have given.

People will treat you in the manner that you allow them to. If I can make you understand one thing I hope it is this. People will absolutely treat you in the manner that you allow them to.

Violence is not a one-time event. It is a cycle, that repeats itself in horrible ways and intensifies over time. The effect of violence is devastating for families, and it is something that is passed from one generation to the next. Both the role of abuser and victim can be “taught” to children that grow up witnessing this.

I’ve read many of the answers, and yes, the statistics are correct. I am not going to tell you more of them. Instead, I’m going to tell you about one of the statistics. 

(Warning: the story is disturbing.)

My sister was a victim of domestic violence. On March 3, 1991, she killed her husband. After my sister’s case, Arizona began to allow Battered Wife Syndrome as a defense.

My sister (Judy) met her husband while she was in the Army. They were both stationed at Ft. Campbell.

He seemed to be everything you could ask for. He was soft spoken, well-mannered, and he seemed to pay attention to no other woman besides my sister.

The first time he hit her, they had been married for 3 weeks. He convinced her that he had not intended to actually hit her. He was very sincere in his apology to her.

The next time he hit her, they were sitting in the car. They had just pulled into their driveway, and he was angry. My sister made a comment, and he punched her in the nose. He calmly got out of the car and walked into the house, leaving my sister sitting in the car, her nose bleeding from the impact, blinded by the pain she felt.

She was 5 months pregnant.

When my niece was 6 weeks old, my sister brought her to visit us. They were being transferred to Germany. They were going to spend Christmas with us, and then leave for Germany after the holidays.

My brother-in-law had delayed his trip. He was finishing up some work, and was then to meet up with her at our house 3 days later. He was going to drive up after finishing what he was doing.

They had been transferred to Ft. Hood, TX. They had been living off base in a mobile home they had purchased. They sold the home a couple weeks before my sister left TX.

The night after she arrived at our house, she got a call in the middle of the night. Her husband had been shot and was in critical condition. We didn’t find out for years that he was shot while he was climbing through the window of the mobile home they had sold. His intent was to attack and rape the woman that they had sold the house to.

The physical abuse my sister endured continued. Her husband had dropped all pretense of feeling sorry for any of the times he hit her. He blamed her for it. He also told her that if she told anyone in her family that he would kill her, kill their daughter, and then kill everyone in her family.

He also continued to attack and rape other women. The army was aware of what he was doing.

After they were finally sent to Germany, the violence began to increase. Judy went to the military police for help. My sister was not a military wife, she was a member of the army. She reported the violence. The MP happened to be a friend of her husband’s. He went to him, told him of the report, and told him that he needed to control his wife.

He went home and threw her off of a 3rd floor balcony of their apartment. Luckily for her, the lower floors went out further than the floor above, and she landed on the balcony of the apartment below her. She was in the hospital for several days.

The army was getting complaints about his attacks of other women.

Three times they put my brother-in-law in psychiatric hospitals to try to change the behavior. When they failed to be able to change his behavior, they gave him a less than honorable discharge. He forced my sister to leave the army as well.

He took a job as a manager for a nation wide finance company. He began finding women to attack from their customer lists.

The violence increased.

When my niece was 5, my sister got her a puppy. The dog hated my brother-in-law.

One night, as he came home from work, the puppy ran up to him and began barking. He kicked the dog across the room. Judy quietly shut the dog in another room. Her husband simply watched her do this. He said nothing.

A few hours after Judy went to sleep that night, she woke up feeling something wet on her face. She didn’t know what it was. She saw her husband sitting on the foot of the bed, smiling.

She turned the light on, and began throwing up. He had killed the puppy, cut it up, and smeared it all over my sister’s covers and wiped it’s blood on her.

He told her that if she ever tried to hide anything from him again, he would do the same thing to their daughter.

Judy believed him.

They were transferred to Phoenix, where he was from. Around his family, the violence began to escalate drastically.

Judy had decided she needed to get her and their daughter away from him. She felt he was going to kill her if they didn’t get away. His sister came by and saw that Judy was packing. She called him and told him.

He held my sister up against the front door all night long with a loaded gun pointed at her head screaming that he was going to kill her.

A couple of weeks later, they were at a party at his family’s house. He and his brother had disappeared. Judy found out that earlier that day he had tried to attack a young woman. She knew that meant he was going to come home later and beat her again.

She went into a panic. She left and took off to get her daughter who was at a friend’s house. She went to their home to get their clothes to leave. She felt like she had no where to turn. He had done a good job of making her believe that her own family did not care about her.

Judy had been a marksman in the army. She was very good with a gun. She knew that he would be home soon, and after her last attempt to leave, she was afraid he would be there before they could leave.

She waited. She thought that if he saw the gun, he would back away. He knew she was a marksman.

He came home a bit later. Judy met him on the front porch. She told him that it was enough. She said this needed to stop, that he needed to leave and let her and her daughter then leave.

Instead of backing away when he saw the gun, he went into a rage and came after her. She shot him 5 times.

The state charged her with Murder I. They said that she waited, which gave her time to plan his murder.

My family immediate flew out and picked up my niece. His family knew that we had a power of attorney from the time he was shot.

During the next couple of years, they built the defense for my sister.

Because of what had gone on while they were in the army, ads were placed in the military newspaper Stars and Stripes. They were asking for people to contact them that knew my sister and her husband.

They had hundreds of responses. Every single one of them said that when they saw the ad, they were sure that he had finally killed her.

They received a response from a man that had been in Germany at the same time they had. His wife had committed suicide because of my brother-in-law. She had been attacked and raped by him.

 He then continued to call her and send her notes saying he was going to do it again, and she would not be able to stop him. 

She couldn’t take anymore and committed suicide. Her husband found out about it from the note she left. She had not said a word to him because my brother-in-law had convinced her that he would kill the husband.

Every jailer told my sister that they had read her file and did not believe she belonged there.

As the trial approached, the DA made my sister an offer of manslaughter 15–20. My sister accepted the plea.

My family went to AZ for the sentencing.

Everyone appeared in court. My brother-in-law’s family was not present. The judge asked if they had been notified. They had not. The DA did not like them, they were all constantly in trouble as well, but he apparently did not want to deal with them so had not notified them. The judge ordered him to notify them and re-scheduled the hearing for the next morning.

The next morning, they would not let my sister go into the court room. The deputy told her that his family was there, and they were screaming for her blood. He did not feel that he and the other 2 deputies could protect her. They were waiting for 3 other deputies to join them.

As they entered the court, 6 deputies surrounded my sister.

When the judge entered, he informed the court that he had read the file overnight.

He said:

As a man, I am appalled by what I read. I am horrified at what this woman has been shown to endure. I believe that this man was truly a monster, and that he deserved to die. I believe that it is wrong for this woman to be in prison for 15–20 years. As a judge I do not intend to see that happen. I refuse to accept a plea bargain of more than manslaughter 8–10.

The Prosecuting Attorney was furious. He said he would not do that, and that they would simply plan on a trial.

The judge asked my sister why she would consider such a plea when she had such a strong case for self-defense.

My sister had an inter-racial marriage. At that time, they were not accepted very well in Phoenix. Many there did not approve of such marriages.

My sister told the judge:

I am married to a black man. This town does not accept inter-racial marriages. There will be 12 men sitting on the jury, and they may well all think that I got what I deserved for marrying him. This way I would be able to see my daughter as an adult and see any grandchildren.

2 weeks later she accepted a plea bargain of manslaughter 8–10. By law she had to serve 2/3 of the 8 years, which she did.

Violence does not stop. Once a person is allowed to get away with violence toward another, then they know that all they have to do is say “I’m sorry”. If you are a person that is hit, then you will eventually believe that it is something you did that caused this.

My sister thought she had kept her daughter from seeing all of this. She found out later that her daughter knew.

My niece found herself in an abusive relationship. Her daughter told me she saw her mother being hit. I confronted my niece and told her she could leave on her own, or I would bring every large person I knew and remove her. I told her that she was teaching her daughter to be treated the same way. She left him.. she was scared, but she came and stayed with me for a few months to get back on her feet.

We tried to get her into counseling… she has refused. When she was young, she lied to counselors, who then believed that she was fine after all she had been witness to.

I found out recently that she feels that a man needs to treat a woman badly. That is how he shows that he loves her.

My sister and I grew up in the same home. Our mother was never hit by our father, but he was and still is very verbally abusive. With us kids he was physically abusive.

We saw the same things with our parents. We saw the same fights, heard the same comments, witnessed the same relationship. We took 2 very different things from what we saw.

My sister believed that when you marry, that you have no choice but to accept how you are treated.

She killed her husband.

I took away that I would never accept being treated like that by any man.

I have been married 4 times.

I realized 10 years ago that each of my husbands seemed very different from each other. Yet, each shared personality traits with my father that were not great.

The statistics you are being quoted in other answers to you are correct. My sister was not someone that you would ever imagine would be a victim of violence. She is smart, active, outspoken, and has a great sense of humor.

Do not allow another to treat you with violence. Because that is exactly how they will treat you.

I wish you all the best.

              -Joyce Frankel

#Life Experience #Relations

My mom had OCD when I and Rohan were in 12th grade and 7th grade, respectively.

As a result, she used to be very depressed. Now, depression is a very big thing, trust me. She used to cry. She stopped talking to us. She overslept. She stopped eating. She stopped going out. She even refused to go to the doctor for treatment. She became her worst enemy.

My dad works in Air Force. During those days, he used to wake up at 5. Used to wash clothes, do the dishes and clean the house. 

He used to make breakfast for us and left for office. At 1 pm during his break he used to come home and cook lunch. After feeding mom and us, he again used to leave for work.

In the evening, he used to cook dinner for us.

Over all, he used to do every single household task when mom wasn't well.

One day I asked him about this to which he replied

‘When your mom married me, I was not very much financially stable. My salary was very low that time. There used to be times when we ran out of money even before the month ended. There were times when I couldn’t get her a new dress during festivals. She never complained. Never told her family about all this. She sacrificed, a lot. She understood my situation. Don't you think I can do at least this much for her?’

So, what's the most important thing in a relationship you ask?

Understanding.

Understanding your partner when times are tough.

Understanding your partner during financial crisis.

Understanding your partner through sickness.

Understanding them every time.

That is something which keeps a relationship strong and long-lasting. :)

-Moumita Das

Want to be extraordinary?

While moving our office, recently, I chatted with one of my office partners as we watched her TV loaded.

“I’d never have a TV in my office. It’d drive me crazy,” I said.

Though to be truthful, I’ve been told on occasion that’s a nearby destination.

“Wow, my husband watches TV constantly,” she replied. “We have 10 in our house. And another 6 at our mountain condo.”

“Yikes, we have one. And we’re not hooked to cable. We just stream a program while we eat dinner or a movie on the weekend. I can’t imagine watching that much TV.”

“Well, my husband can’t survive without it.”

Now, I’ve never watched TV much. And I clearly remember our son, when he was young, one evening curing me of even the little I watched.

We’d enjoyed dinner together and I’d gone into the living room to watch a program I enjoyed.

He came in, sat down beside me on the sofa and said, “Dad, do we have to watch TV?”

I looked over at his little loving face and replied, “No we don’t.” And I turned it off and never turned it back on in an evening again until our kids left for college.

And what did I do instead?

Well, let’s see.

I talked and played with our kids.

Talked with my wife.

Hmm, went to bed early occasionally with my wife.

Read books.

Slept enough.

And the result?

I have a great relationship with both of our now grown children.

Have a great relationship with my wife.

Learned the equivalent of several additional college degrees.

Built successful businesses.

Invested and built our net worth.

Enjoy great health.

Oh, and enjoyed a few early nights with my wife.

To live an extraordinary life you need to do what the ordinary choose not to do.

               -Doug Armey

When to walk away from a relationship?

When I dread instead of look forward to seeing you.

When I feel perpetually exhausted.

When nothing seems to get resolved without high-octane drama.

When the reasons for the relationship are internal. It’s not that I love you, it’s that I’m lonely.

When what you think I mean is not at all what I said, and this happens systematically.

Or when you say that’s not what you said, and I know that you did, and this happens systematically.

When you mistreat me: raise your voice, gaslight me, play games, twist words.

When we want different things.

When despite our efforts, we are fundamentally incompatible.

When there is an absence of trust.

When anything in our dynamic is hurting either your life or mine.

When my life is not interesting to you – or yours to me.

When I don’t like who I am when I am with you.

When the only time we truly connect is when we have sex. And that’s great but I want connection everywhere. Everywhere.

When the most you can give me is less than what I need.

After you’ve clearly stated that you cannot love me.

    -Dushka Zapata

Less than 60% in 10-12 ?

I got 59.8 percent in my 12th, not even first class. Of course, it took me time and effort to rebound. Screw the world as it will be cruel to you. “Kuch to log kahange. Kahane he unka kaam”….

I reboubded by focusing on learning Computer science as I genuinely loved the subject. I did my undergrad from one of the smallest engineering colleges. Actually I was the first batch for my college.

 I worked hard for 4 years filling my gaps in knowlegde, humbled and focussed. At the end of 4 years, I got AIR 2 in GATE and went to India's best university ( Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore) for my masters degree. The world appluaded me.

 But, I became numb to the world as I know what they say doesnot really matter in the long run. From then on, I learnt to work hard and ignore the world. My efforts and a bit of luck took me places.

Trust me, it is easy to say all of this in retrospective.

 But, it's not easy to go through those years of struggle. But, that's what made me strong. My suggestion is to ignore the world and buckle up for a few years of efforts and hard work.

I just recalled this quote from Rudyard Kipling's poem: “ If you can meet with triumph and diaster and meet those imposters the same, …., you will be a man my son.” We had this poem in our school and I still remember it vividly even today as it helped me learn some important lessons of life.

--Srikanth Varma Chekuri

#Life

‘Humare ghar ladki kyun hogi, humne koi karz nahi lie. Humare ghar toh bas bete honge. Desi ghee ke ladoo hote hain bete toh.’

‘Why will God send girls in our house. We are not debtors. We will have only sons in our house. After all sons are the richest of sweets.’

These were the exact words of my elder sister's mother-in-law to my mother, which she said sarcastically when my elder sister delivered her first born, a baby boy, 13 years back.

A little backdrop :

We are three sisters, and my elder sister is married into a house where all four children are men. My brother-in-law, his real brother and his two cousin brothers of his paternal uncle.

So when my sister delivered a baby boy, her mother-in-law taunted her indirectly that they are superior as every child born in their family has been a boy because they're not ‘debtors', however my parents are of highest degree, as they have three daughters and not even one son.

Year 2011 :

Their younger daughter-in-law was pregnant, and she delivered twin girls. When my sister told us this news, I silently asked my mother if she remembered that incident when that family compared daughters to debt and inferiority and spoke big words that God will never send daughters in their house because they were not ‘debtors' of anyone. 

My mother did remember.

My mother called my sister's mother-in-law, congratulated her, but soon realized she wasn't too happy after seeing two girls, that too at once.

Although my mother disconnected the call after formalities, I was happy that finally God broke her false pride of having only sons in their home by sending daughters. I was happy that now she won't hurt another mother just because she have only daughters.

I also wish that they won't discriminate further and would equally love them, and understand that daughters and sons are equal blessings of God.

Always remember, God is going to serve his justice at the right time. No human is superior than God. So watch out your words and actions.

   -Vidushi Gupta

Dirty Truth About Corporate World....

No company can provide a career path to every single individual in the organisation. Yet, most employees want to believe there is a beautiful story with a happy ending being scripted for them by their bosses and HR.

Those behind the glass doors know how the “bell curve” is hanging around everyone's neck, all the time. The politics gets dirtier as you climb the levels. When everyone is fighting hard to survive and find a better chair for themselves, there is no time to design a career for the subordinates.

Each year, few employees get promoted and feel like they have a career. Usually, these are the ones who make their bosses look good. A vast majority of the workforce gets frustrated to stay where they are despite many years of effort. 

And the rest join the dreaded to-be-managed-out-eventually list. Once put in this bucket, it is incredibly hard to come out of it and build a career at the same place.

Managing your career is your responsibility. Most companies don’t say this out loud because most employees can’t digest this fact and still stay motivated.

                                 - Imtiaz Mohammad