Your concerns are really criticisms of me, and I hate being criticized

 1 : Your concerns are really criticisms of me, and I hate being criticized.

I can criticize others, and often do—but if you criticize me you’re hurting my feelings, so I’ll hurt you back. If you say you are at all unhappy, that's a way of indirectly criticizing me. Since "it's all about me" your feelings must be about what I have been doing. If you are talking about your feelings, even if they were engendered by situations at work or with friends that have nothing to do with me, I interpret your negative feelings as criticism of me.

Narcissists paradoxically manifest both an inflated idea of their own importance and quickness to feel deflated by negative feedback. Criticism hurts—and because narcissists think everything is about them, they hear others’ attempts to talk about personal feelings as veiled criticisms of themselves.

The clinical term for taking others' concerns as personal criticism is personalizing. "I'm feeling lonely," gets heard by someone who is narcissistic as an accusation: "You don't spend enough time with me."

2 : I'm right. You're wrong. So when things go wrong between us, it’s always your fault.

I can’t be expected to apologize or to admit blame. I’m above others and above reproach. If you expect me to say how I’ve contributed to a problem, I’ll get mad at you.

Unwillingness to take responsibility for mistakes may come from confusing the part with the whole, or all-or-nothing thinking. Narcissists think, "If I've done one thing that's not right, then I must be all bad"—which is why they're so resistant to admitting any wrong things at all. Whatever the source of the sensitivity to criticism and difficulty admitting mistakes, they have a tendency to blame others when anything goes wrong. Blaming and fault-finding in others feel safer to narcissists than looking to discover, learn, and grow from their own part in difficulties.

While narcissists are quick to blame, they may be slow to appreciate. Appreciation and gratitude require listening.

3 : I may be quick to anger—but when I get angry, it's because of you.

You made me mad. You didn’t listen to me. You criticized me. You’re trying to control me. Your view is wrong. So you need to apologize, not me. If I’m mad, it's because I'm frustrated by what you are doing. I'm only mad because of you.

Narcissists often show major charm and social agility. At the same time, these seemingly super-confident folks can be quick to anger. When they do become inflamed, they then immediately blame their anger on others.

-Jamie Knight