We are Blind

We all - every one of us - exhibit patterns of behavior that are obvious to everyone but that we ourselves cannot see.

We will deny that they exist.

These are our "blind spots". Carl Jung calls them our "shadow".

Have you ever noticed how you are often involved in situations that are similar across different aspects of your life?

Why does everyone leave me?

Or how you have the exact same fight with different people in different relationships?

Have you ever said - or heard a friend say - things like "why does every person I date end up cheating on me?" or "why does everyone betray me?" or "why doesn't anyone understand me?" or "why do I always end up in long distance relationships?"

These are all the consequence of our blind spots.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious" said Jung "it will direct your life, and you will call it fate".

-Dushka Zapata

You should remember this.....Ask yourself this Question Often...............

Some day, you will walk into your bathroom.

And there standing in the mirror will be an older you looking back.

Imagine that older self looking at you in the mirror today.

Would he or she be proud of the life you are living right now?

Time is a precious resource.

I doubt that older self would wish you’d procrastinated more, watched more TV, played more games.

Make sure you are using your time in a way that supports your own happiness and definition of success.

-Sean Kernan

How To Enjoy Life When You are Young

Just after graduating from IIM Ahmedabad, I was going to Sri Lanka for our post B-School trip.

As I stood in line and instinctively showed my institute card for verification (I had got used to it for the past year and a half), the security guard looked up at me and said in Hindi “Are you from IIM Ahmedabad?”

When I said I was, he looked at me and said:

“Sir, you have stayed awake for the last twenty years so that you can sleep peacefully for next fifty. We slept peacefully for the last twenty years and now will have to stay awake for the next fifty”

As he handed back my card and requested for my passport, I stood numbed by his deep insight. Focus on working hard when you’re young, rather than enjoyment, so that you can live well for the latter part of your life.

I have never forgotten his wise words.

-Aviral Bhatnagar

My 96-year-old grandmother's memory is failing.

She thinks I'm her cousin and asks me about long-gone relatives in pre-war Poland. Or that she's in Europe. Or that she's still in her sixties.

She asks me multiple times if I've eaten already.

But more than anything, she expresses love.

She looks me in the eyes, smiles tenderly, and says, "I love you!"

And when I tell her "I love you" back, she says, "Not as much as I love you!"

It's as if the cognitive and mental frameworks that have held her life together are falling away, and what remains behind them is the bare, foundation.

Which is clearly made of emotions.

Love, warmth, and a strong desire to see the people she cares for happy, thriving, healthy.

I feel immensely fortunate to be able to share these moments with her before she passes on.

But I also see this as a profound lesson in human psychology.

It's emotions that give meaning to life.

A feeling of belonging and security at home.

A feeling of purpose and appreciation at work.

A feeling of self-actualization and progress within.

And, of course, love.

If you haven't done so already, please tell someone close to you how much you care for them.

Ask my 96-year-old grandmother.

She'll tell you that that's what matters when all is said and done.

-Ben Wise

Dont Look Rich.Be Rich.

1. Don’t spend more than what you can earn.
2. Salary you earned can’t make you rich. But the way you spend it will determine your future.
3. If something costs $1,000, and it’s on sale for $750, and then you decide to buy it, you did not save $250 but you spent $750.
4. Don’t buy that $300 bag to have nothing in it, buy that $20 bag and have $280 in it. Don’t go broke trying to look rich.

These are some of my favorite quotes (some are from famous businessmen and some random people) that my husband taught me and really changed my mindset when it comes to earning and spending. I am not millionaire but I’ve reached most of my goals when i hit 30. It’s all about wise spending. Saving as much as you can and most of all initiative to learn investments.

-Donna Leong

Cornell Experience

I graduated 7th from the bottom of my high school class (of 173). Got married young, had two boys, worked outdoors. Mowed lawns, cut trees, worked on draggers and lobster boats. Even pumped septic tanks for extra money on Saturdays After observing the older guys around me that were doing the same sort of work, they all seemed bent, busted-up and spent way too early. I remember asking myself as I was mowing a lawn on some expensive waterfront cottage, what did they have that I didn’t? I worked hard, I thought I was fairly intelligent, I was motivated, a good husband and parent. What set them apart? I decided that the answer was a college education.

So, I started a plan to get one. I attended a community college in the evenings, got some experience in learning under my belt, got some mediocre SAT scores, applied to a bunch of colleges and got turned down by every one. By now I’m 23 or 24. Took some more night courses, an SAT prep course and got a better score. 1450 I think? Applied again…This time I got accepted to every one. I was thrilled and terrified. 

Cornell was my first choice, but Purdue, Penn State, or University of Oregon would have been fine. Cornell was willing to take me, but I needed to pass Summer courses in Chemistry, Biology and Calculus first. Night courses again, struggled but made the grade. Started at Cornell just after I lost my father in an accident. A year and a half later, I lost my mom in another accident.

So, there I was. Traumatized. Two young kids, a wife, some income from part-time work from both of us. The courses were kicking my ass. I was way over my head. Everyone was smarter and a better student than me. Looking back on it, the pressure was unbelievable. But failure was not an option. Not after I worked so hard to get there. I think I managed a 2.5 GPA.

The upside was meeting so many people who would be friends for the next 40 years. Cornell continued to open doors for me. I went on to a start-up biotechnology company and made enough money to go back for a Ph.D. I landed a job with a small European biotech company that grew 10 fold ( more Cornell contacts!) I traveled all over the world and became somewhat of an expert in my field.

I finally retired at 58 and my wife and I have traveled the country for 6 to 9 months of the year with an RV and a motorcycle. It’s been 8 years now and we’re still doing it.

We passed thru Ithaca on our travels a few years ago and I felt genuine terror. The place was so big and intimidating. Don’t know why they picked me. Don’t know how I got through it all. But it has been there for me my entire career. And I am so proud to be a graduate of Cornell.

So proud…

Oh, and my high school class? I’m the only one with an Ivy League degree and a Ph.D.

-Rob Everich

Disappointing Parents?

What my father wanted more than anything was grandchildren.

Do you know that deep yearning women feel, to be mothers? That calling?

I never felt that.

When I was a little girl I thought maybe that sensation would come later. I took for granted that when I got old enough I would find my soul mate, get pregnant, become a mother, and make my father a granddad.

I did eventually meet a wonderful man, and we talked about having children and just weren’t sure. Someday, we said. Sure - someday. Just not now.

My friends began having children and I could see the kind of commitment and dedication being a parent actually was. It felt wrong for me - so wrong.

The fact that it felt wrong felt terrifying.

I had never considered I would never be somebody’s mom. I had never thought possible that I would not give my father what he wanted the most.

But, wait a minute.

If I had a child, who would live with the consequences of this decision? Whose life would be forever altered?

My father would be involved maybe once a week.

The life completely transformed would be mine.

On one of the many times he asked me “When, Dushka? When are you going to tell me you are expecting my grandchild?” I finally said “Dad, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. I am so sorry, but I don’t want children.”

He stared at me. He frowned. Then he smiled. “Well” he said. “They are kind of a pain. They never do what you think they will. It’s like they are their own people.”

This is the most representative example of a time where I disappointed one of my parents. There were many others, both big and small: I was not a good student, I kept secrets, I did not go to a fancy college, I did not become a lawyer, I did not become an artist, 

I married a guy they didn’t think was right for me, my hair was always unruly, I got a divorce, I did not change the world. I could go on.

The summary is this - every time I disappointed them I chose to fully step into the fact that my life is mine and mine alone.

Disappointing people - your parents, your family, your friends and sometimes yourself - is necessary if you want to fully become the person you were meant to.

I hope you never stop disappointing your parents. I hope that with time it becomes less painful. And I hope that in doing so you fall in love with the incredible stranger who lives inside of you.

-Dushka Zapata

The biggest realisation I had about life is.......

The biggest realisation I had about life is:

“Life is what you make of it”.

There are people in this world who think life is hard, and guess what? Life will always be hard to them

There are some people who think life is full of opportunities, guess what? They will have most opportunities in their life.

Some people believe that life is unfair, and co-incidentally life can will be unfair to them.

While this might not sound logical but it actually is, and the reason for this is a lot of how your life will be greatly depends on your perspective.

You can have all the wealth and power in this world, but if your perspective of looking at your life is like “Man! I have all this but yet im not happy and I feel miserable” in that case you will be miserable no matter the amount of wealth or power you have.

On the contrary, if you are a person who is currently struggling in his/her life but if you have the perspective and attitude of a warrior and you think like “Yes, time is not in my favour and nothing is going well, I am in terrible circumstances but guess what? I am a strong person and I have the power and the will to get out of it”. 

Guess what, if you have such attitude you will eventually get out of it sooner or later and emerge as a much stronger person.

Let’s take an example which you might relate to:

Let’s say you are preparing for an exam, or a job interview.

There are two ways you can approach them.

Approach 1:

You can either say, I hate studying, its so boring and I hate prepping for exams/interview however I will force myself to do it and get it done ASAP so that I can later engage in more fun activities like hanging out with my friends.

Approach 2:

Or, you may take an alternative path like “Man! this material seems so interesting, I can get to learn new things, I cant wait to get my hands on that book.”

Different approaches give different results.

The guy who follows the first approach will not only score less or fail at the interview, but the whole process of studying will leave him frustrated.

On the contrary, the guy who chooses the 2nd approach will not only enjoy his work, but he will also ace his exam/interview and there is no chance of getting frustrated doing something you love.

This applies to almost everything in your life, be it work, academics, relationships etc.

The kind of outlook, attitude and perspective you have towards life will determine the kind of life you will eventually have.

-Saurav Sharma

Qualities Among Successful People

 

I have met and interacted with some exceedingly successful people in my life across verticals and industries.

This includes people that are just extremely successful in being happy or managing their homes/kids.

I love to observe them. Identify patterns in their behaviors.

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Based on those observations, and contrasting it with traits that I’ve observed in unsuccessful (unhappy) people, I’ve come up with the following distinguishing factors:

Quality of Association

Misery loves company. Unsuccessful people love to band together with people that are at the same level or lower level than them. It makes them feel secure and knowledgeable. Ah the joy of being the one-eyed king of the blind (translation of a Hindi proverb)

Successful people tend to drift towards people that are as or more successful than them. This provides them an opportunity to constantly learn and evolve.

Mindset

Let’s say you see someone more famous than you. You are 100% sure that you’re more talented than them but still can’t rival their fame. What do you do? Badmouth them? Envy them? Complain about life being unfair?

Successful people tend to appreciate their competitors and respect their methodology. Not everything needs to be fair. Not every success is well-deserved. But there is always something that sets apart an “un-deserving” successful person from a “deserving” unsuccessful person. Learn, get inspired, it’s not a race! There is plenty of space for all the big fish in the ocean.

Mind your own business

Unsuccessful people tend to look for the failures of others. It gives them pleasure. It makes them feel accomplished. Instead of nurturing their own growth, they criticize and follow everyone while wearing glasses of cynicism.

Successful people tend to not give a cr*p about what others are doing. They mind their own business and reach out only to learn, seek inspiration or mentor others.

Sheep vs lion

Unsuccessful people take the safe way. They do exactly what others around them are doing. Their definition of success is defined by their peers. They love to blame society and the rest of the world for holding them back. No wonder, as they stayed within those same bounds to seek safety.

Successful people tend to make their own way. They know their goals, or at least have a faint idea of it. These goals are not inspired by surroundings but are tailor-made for their own selves. They lack any concern for the opinion of the masses.

Whine vs Improve

Unsuccessful people tend to marinate themselves in their failures and everything bad that happened to them. They love being the victim in every scenario. The victim-complex starts feeling like a safe-zone. An excuse for everything that they couldn’t achieve. It is so easy to blame everyone else without doing an introspection.

Successful people fail too, but they make it a learning experience. Instead of whining, they identify the errors leading to that failure and improve that in the next cycle.

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There are a lot of factors that make one successful vs not.

Some of them are beyond our control.

We don’t decide the class and surroundings in which we are born.

But our attitude can set us apart.

And what’s there to lose by cultivating a “successful people mentality”?

At the very least, you’ll fail with a smile on your face :)

-Srishti Kotiyal

Conversation about myself that I overheard

This Life is your Responsibility

This Life is your Responsibility.

You are responsible for everything you have in your life right now!

You chose to live where you are, you chose to get that job you have right now, you chose to do the things you are doing and you chose to be surrounded by the people that surround you; Or rather: You never chose anything else.

Of course it wasn’t all in your control, but you could have, at some point along the way, chosen a different action that would have lead you down a different path.

Remember that the things you choose right now have the potential to take you in a near infinite number of different directions. Where you are going to go depends on what YOU choose to do right now.

The only other option that you have is not to choose and to stay where you are. Is that really a good alternative for you?

Are We Alone in This Universe.........?

I don’t know, and neither does anybody else. Anyone who says the probability is high is making a computational error. And all the evidence from people who claim they were abducted by aliens likely comes from people who have difficulty distinguishing reality from vivid dreams. (Psychologists know that this is a fairly common syndrome.)

There is no evidence for advanced extraterrestrials, and Enrico Fermi asked the obvious question: if they exist, why don’t we have overwhelming evidence? But perhaps their home is too far away for them to actually reach us. That’s the thesis of SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. There is a famous formula called the Drake Equation that argues that the probability of such creatures is high. But the Drake equation does not make a compelling case. The problem is that we don’t really understand one of the terms in the equation: the probability that simple organic compounds, such as amino acids, will ever come together to form a molecule that can reproduce, such as RNA. We have no idea how that happened. The probability could be as low as ${10}^{-100}$. In that case, we might indeed be alone in the universe.

I am reminded of a story about a silicon-based life form. Some time in the future a very smart computer baby asks its mommy and daddy, “Who was the first computer? How did our life form come about?” The daddy answers, “We don’t know. We can understand how microprocessors can evolve and become supercomputers and eventually a being such as you and me, but we can’t figure out how that original microprocessor came about. Maybe it was spontaneous, just a bunch of silicon atoms happening to come together. But calculations show that is quite unlikely.”

The mommy and daddy have no idea that the first microprocessor was constructed by a former carbon-based life form. And I suspect that our RNA and DNA did not come together spontaneously, but resulted from some smaller organism, maybe a prion that after it evolved destroyed (ate?) all the other prions—just as the silicon-based computers in the story destroyed the carbon-based form that created it.

-Richard Muller