Normally there are two kinds of problems that prevail
1 CREATED BY YOURSELF
These kind of problem arise due to our own actions I. E
1.1 Carelessness (U didn't study properly even though U had time and money and wasted your time in B. TECH and letter on suffered when passed out from college either in job or in preparation of any exam)
1.2 Disbelief (I can't do even though U would have done the task but later on repented on your deeds)
1.3 Blind faith and affection for someone and ruined yourself for the same person but got cheated at end.
2 GIFTED BY ALLMIGHTY
Now consider following cases
1 U are general and financially very weak.
2 Your father doesn't earn much say 30000 per month by running a small coaching.
3 U don't have any elder brother or anyone to support your family except U and your father.
4 Your parents are not that much healthy and need medication.
5 Your father has to pay bank loan which he took during your sisters marriage and that too rs 12000 per month for next 3–4 years.
6 No-one in your family is that educated to guide you and your uncle goes to field to plough the field himself to save the labour cost.
7 When it rains the house U live in gets seeped from every corner and your house even don't have T.V because it will cost some money at these places when other tasks are remaining.
8 Your mother don't have any mobile but luckily your father have a simple Nokia mobile (snake game wala black and white)
9 No mode of transport except your feet or public transport.
10 The sorrounding in which you live is full of illiterate and uncivilized people I. E a small city in eastern U. P,( U can google demographic and educational status of eastern U. P. )
11 Your father has self respect even in this condition and never asks for anything from anyone, he spends what he earns with his own hands and teaches poor students free of cost(not like coachings in DELHI) ,and teaches from morning 6 to night 8 pm so that he can earn whatever possible to live a life of dignity and self respect.
12 Relatives whom your father helped in their bad time never asks your family but make fun of your poverty and big dreams.
Now tell me what more difficult condition can be paved in front of you, my parents never pressurised me for anything, they provided me best quality education which they could and my mother always used to say “MERA LADKA EK DIN CHIEF ENGINEER BAN JAYE AUR HAMARE GHAR BHI EK GADI HO JATI" on seeing some well off officers and other rich people although SHE never knew how hard is to become a CHIEF ENGINEER FOR A FINANCIAL WEAK GENERAL STUDENT.
My father always used to say I can do anything for your studies, U don't bother about family condition U just study.
I saw all these things from very beginning and as it is said GOD gives great thoughts in you only when he wants something great of U, U can't do anything good until unless your brain is able to distinguish between right and wrong.
I was determined to work hard and achieve something great to fulfill my parents dream but there always remained a sense of disbelief in me how can I effort costly coachings for IIT,AIEEE etc and compete in this condition only fighting on myself without any support of coaching etc.
Luckily one of my elders told me about house of a person who lived some 500 m away from my house and he was financially very poor (his father was in irrigation department in group D) and used to ride bicycle which was in so pathetic condition that people used to realise by the noise it used to make from 100 m away also,the person is known as SUJEET KUMAR SHUKLA, let me tell you about his achievements and see his picture first
1 Studied in U. P state board school in my district from childhood till class 12th and was one of the toppers in class 12th U. P BOARD EXAMS 2005 ,secured 86 percent marks where scoring 60 percent was uphill task in those days.
2 Was very poor to effort coaching fees so studied on his own to secure AIR 91 in IIT JEE 2006
3 cleared AIEEE with AIR 55
4 UPTU STATE RANK 3
All this he did living in a small room and studying in lantern without any help.
5 Branch topper IIT DELHI
6 cleared GATE with AIR 1
7 topped in his research thesis in CALTECH USA
8 Now he is professor of theoretical physics in university of Washington.
I met him in 2010 when I was in my +1 and he told me nothing is impossible and U can achieve anything if U wish for the need is only to hardwork. Even today I talk to him, he is very hardworking even now.
This incident shackled me for forever, I decided that I shall do anything to achieve something great in my life and my motive was to work hard and give my 100 percent what so ever condition is.
Cleared AIEEE with self study did my B. tech from NIT HAMIRPUR.
Even though I was financially weak but I never took merit cum means scholarship(my rank was 6 in class and top among outsiders) because my father said that if somehow I can pay your fees why to take that let some more needy candidates take that, I was surprised to see the millioners students whose parents were not in govt job used to make false income certificate and take scholarships for being OBC or SC ST.
Only earning money may give U external happiness but earning respect gives U internal happiness which lasts forever, so after completing my B. tech from NIT HAMIRPUR I decided to appear for ESE because I wanted that my parents should keep their head high in society but again same problem came I. E money. Now from here my real hardships began as I graduated from NITH in 2016 and my sister got married in 2014 ,my father took loan from bank and he had no bank balance with him and had to pay my coaching fees.
ESE 2017
When I went to iesm to take coaching (first time in my life for any exam) I was unable to fill it's form by seeing the fees of RS 73000 and came back and asked my father to return back home and I shall study from home itself by purchasing Iesm material only.
My father opened the bag and said he had brought money no need to worry(he still hasn't tell me from where he brought those) and asked me to study well and do my work instead thinking of these issues. I took following pledge from that day itself
1 My only aim will be study and if I do anything apart from it I shall be cheating my parents wishes and hence will not get a place in hell even.
2 I shall not miss any class and will sit in front to note down each and every point told in class.
3 Shall never have backlogs and will complete task on time even though I had to remain awake whole night.
4 I took permission from KANCHAN SIR to join other batches so in September I used to go from my room at 7:30 morning and return by 10:30 night after attending all the three batches I. E morning 8–12 am,afternoon 1–5 pm.evening 5:30 to 10 pm (I used to eat some apple or fruits kept in my bag in afternoon). When I used to reach room I was unable to stand due to my physical and mental retardation in these 15 hours and somehow eat and sleep, and next day same thing started.
5 Somehow I completed syllabus by November 2017 by running hear and there.
6 From November I started to sit in room and was coming out only for giving tests of iesm prelim, rest 6 days used to pass with me and my books along with a 7 watt LED BULB in a small room in which U can't put table chair and bed together, U have to decide what is your preference I preferred table chair and used to sleep on floor.
7 I studied and gave my best and scored well in prelims 2017( 242) and passed prelims.
8 Since in 2017 we have only 3 months for mains and everything was new to me I and one of my friend used to get mad that what to do to solve such lengthy questions of structures, fluid, hydraulic machine. But somehow I finished previous year papers and iesm booklet and was feeling confident for mains 2017.
But just 3 days before mains on 14 may 2017 I had intense headache due to excessive summer heat and I was unable to even sit properly that was the magnitude of pain, I saw my whole hardwork going away in front of my eyes, I tried my best but was unable to recover and at exam day gave exam by eating some pills but they didn't work and somehow wrote mains, attempted (150 in P1 and 230 in P2) to fetch 121 +166.
Luckily since my prelims score was good I qualified for intreviews, everyone in my family was excited that now there hardships will end but I felt sorry towards them as I knew it was impossible for me to clear the ever increasing cutoff of general category but I can't tell them real situation I thought let them be happy for some time as most of the time my father and mother use to be in distress due to poverty, health issues etc.
If I would have been from some other category I would have been qualified last year itself but we live in some other world where poverty and hunger is considered to be more privileged than caste. My score was 633 and U can see the last year allocation where people getting much lesser marks than me are writing their strategies on HOW TO CLEAR ESE but it took me another 1 painful year to answer this question by scoring 810 marks this year inspite of the hardships which I have undergone is much more than many of these people.
ESE 2018
The day on which results of ESE 2017 were announced was 11 September 2017,everyone in my family was praying for me and was quite happy that I shall become an officer now and our living standard will improve but I was rejected by UPSC, I didn't have the courage to tell my parents and call them about my results,I was not sad about all hard work which I did to reach up-to hear ended without any fruits but was much more worried about what will happen to those innocent people who have thrown their whole trust on me and what will happen afterwards.
I thought to procrastinate the results as far as possible but the society is full of people who always get happy on seeing someone sad, so few well wishers of mine when got confirmed that I am out (by seeing the final result) started to call at my home just to have fun that these small people thought so much of themselves .
My parents called me next morning to ask what happened, I didn't have the courage to reply I said “Result dekh ke batata hun" even though I knew the result previous night, I messaged my sister somehow “Didi nahi hua",my sister said “Nahi babu dekho Ho gaya hoga tum itni mehnat karte Ho tumahra nahi hoga to kiska hoga". I couldn't reply anything on it. My mother started to weep on phone itself, I cutted the phone and saved my name in my mobile “V. N. P AIR UNDER 10 ESE 2018”,went to temple to pray GOD to give me and my parents courage to start my new journey suddenly I don't know how the temple priest said “Koi bat nahi beta is bar ho jayga bas mehnat karo" I was abacked that how he knew for what I am asking ALL MIGHTY as I don't believe much on these things I believe in ALL MIGHTY but kalyugi babas are hard to trust so I worship GOD in my way (even though my mother respect and pays homage to each and every baba who comes to my home) and I never saw that person again in my life inspite of I had visited that LORD SHIVA TEMPLE IN KATWARIYA SARAI a number of times but I never saw him again even I went to give him money after my selection but he was not there nor anyone was able to tell me about that person.Lets come back to the point.
I decided following things after my rejection in September
1 I shall now give my mains exam in some other near place except DELHI so I choose CHANDIGARH as it was the Delhi summer which ate my all efforts previously.
2 I shall never miss any test series of prelims as well as mains.
3 I shall remain away from lime light as far as possible,and gave test series with changed name I. E DHRUV KUMAR and this thing I want to suggest you all, work in silence and let your success speak, U will get nothing if whole INDIA says you topper but UPSC rejects you, My parents never told anyone that I am preparing again and people taunted on us “chale the ies banane".I heard all these things but neglected these comments of foolish people.
4 I used to wake up at 12 am and used to study continuously till 8 pm(yes continuously 8 hours without eating anything) ,at 8 pm I used to leave my chair and took bath had my dinner and then again from 10 pm to 4 am so in this way I used to study 12–14 hours from September to my prelims.
5 As joining coaching again was not a need for me (and if needed even it was impossible to give fees, somehow I was able to negotiate my landlord as well as khana Wala to pay them as and when my father give money but they were good people and never forced me to pay room rent on time, from September 2017 to September 2018 maximum amount in my account was varying from rs 0 to rs 1000 for my pocket expenditure,as my father used to get some fees he used to segregate the money on which task this money will go and then if feasible put in my account) As I rarely used to come out from my room for any purpose except giving test series on Saturday and Sunday so my pocket expenditure was quite less.
6 Ate dal and roti only left eating rice because when you take more carbohydrates U feel lethargic and will feel sleepy as doing anything apart from studying was a sin for me so I controlled my other activities up-to 100 percent.
7 I used to bath daily with cold water even in winters so that I may remain fresh and don't fell sleepy while studying (these things may seem unwordly but when you are in need of something you automatically start doing these things)
8 When I used to sleep only formulae and numericals were revolving at back of my mind.
I am attaching my few prelims test series results here just see the marks and rank of person named DHRUV KUMAR because this was my changed name. U can see the roll number CECPTS18010150
Like this I scored top 10 ranks in 15 test of iesm prelims conducted out of total 25.
I got 290 marks in prelims after checking from coaching keys and at the end scored 285 in prelims from UPSC.I looked like some saint which has nothing to do with this external world except his desired goal
MAINS
I fallowed the same routine of my studying because the biggest gamble of mains was remaining and I didn’t have any margin of error to do so I decided
1 To solve subjects like SOM, STRUCTURE, RCC and paper 2 FLUID, ENVIRO, SOIL up-to that point till I mastered them and commit zero mistake, I was able to do it after solving these subjects 16–18 times and at the end I was able to solve previous year papers of these subjects in just 3 days,at the end answers were remembered by me along with question and year in which it was asked.I filled 5 rims of A 4 sheets and each rim has 500 pages so 2500 pages from span of (JANUARY till JUNE).
2 I gave two test series on two consecutive days I. E Saturday (5–8) evening of ACE ACADEMY and Sunday (10–1) ies master, it's nearly impossible to manage the load of two conventional test series simultaneously but I needed success at any cost and I had no way to escape except to fight ruthlessly, what I eat When I eat I didn't remember anything during this time of my mains.I didn't go to give BARC exam even as I forgot its date that was my involvement for ESE.
3 In mains as I have filled center in Chandigarh so I thought that I shall take out the money required for me and my father to go to Chandigarh, to stay and then come back to Delhi by topping in test series conducted by these coachings and the end I managed to win 8000 rs which removed a lot of burden from my father because in summer (May June) our coaching remains close and mains was on 2 July so we had to leave for Chandigarh on 30 June. So in order to do this I started to write my original name. Here are few of those results
U can see my marks, I was not a topper in all tests but my rank in ace was normally in top 10 and in iesm top 30,I would have easily in top 10 in most of the tests if I would have given single test but my final rank would not have been that great since on giving two test series even though your rank may somewhat go back but your are able to gain more confidence and verstality of questions but it is quite difficult to manage and needs a huge amount of efforts but if you will do this trust me U will never get setbacks in final result ,I know few students who are continuously toppers in a single test series from past 2 years but are unable to convert it into real upsc rank. It is advisable to join two test series in mains as per my opinion.
I was confident this time and have given nearly 32 conventional tests before giving my actual exam on 2 July
Attempted 244 in P1 got 218, did slight mistake in last question of collapse load computation in last step and answer was coming from combined mechanism but I did a slight mistake in that and lost nearly 10 marks, this was the only mistake I did in whole paper of questions which I attempted. This year's paper 1 and 2 both were very different from last year as I remember in paper 1 few questions were ambiguous and your answer may change if U take some other data since in order to avoid this ambiguity I solved these questions by both ways (shaft wala) so that examiner can not cut marks in any way if this wouldn't have been case I would have secured 20 marks more since my valuable time was wasted in solving these questions 2 times by different methods but it UPSC U can't do anything.
For P2 I attempted 275 but here again ambiguity was there, single layer design did by triaxial as well as burmister by assuming F=1 ,here I attempted a slight mistake of not solving one question of single layer or double layer of consolidation by both the methods, I solved by considering single drainage and clearly wrote down the reason for such assumption but I should have also solved that by double drainage I would have easily scored 20 more marks in p2 ,instead of writing justification I should have solved it by taking case 2 and proceeding, so if you feel any ambiguity in any question solve by both methods and they will give marks according to their solution. My score in p2 is 191 .but it could have been easily 211.
Interview
After giving mains and matching with ace key I was confident that now our hardships are over and told my father to buy a TV as well as have their proper health check up but he said try to top in exam from that day after seeing your name in final result our whole hardships will vanish.
I prepared for interview whole heatedly and saw nptel lectures for more conceptual clearity and gave my 100 percent (although interview was immaterial for me even if I have got 100 marks out of 200 my rank would have been in top 10,as I have decided previously I shall not allow upsc to let my mother weep again and scored 694 in written inspite of loosing 30–40 marks due to ambiguity in questions itself and those 40 marks depended on what assumption one made and whether that matched with upsc or not, but those marks were not in my fate.
Two very interesting scenarios happened with me just before my interview
1 My interview was on 19th September, my father loves to sit among educated people and is fond of good and quality education so he was quite happy to visit UPSC, he was scheduled to come on 16th September, his train was scheduled to arrive ANAND VIHAR at 4:30 pm, I called him and he said he is about to reach, I was revising my nptel made notes at that time so I again started to study but after one hour he didn't reach to my room, I called him his mobile was switched off, I again called same situation, I kept on calling for next 1 hour and repeatedly got the same reply, now it was already 2 hours since train deported him at ANVT and it hardly used to take 1 hour to reach at my room from ANVT, half an hour passed more, now I was worried that what has happened and was going to call to ANVT station and about to leave for searching him but as I was coming down HE was coming upstairs, I felt quite relaxed and asked why his mobile was switched off, he was himself surprised and said I haven't switched off my mobile and when I saw that it was really not switched off, in fact BSNL SIM doesn't operates well in some parts of DELHI that was the reason for it.
2 I studied till 18th September evening and after that decided to end the game.I was about to go outside to have shaving and take a photo copy of required documents, following two documents are required during your interview if you are from GENERAL CATEGORY
HIGH SCHOOL PASSING CERTIFICATE INCLUDING YOUR DATE OF BIRTH
YOUR ORIGINAL DEGREE CERTIFICATE (PROVISIONAL CAN WORK BUT YOU HAVE TO PRODUCE ORIGINAL AFTERWARDS)
So in order to facilitate all this I kept these documents in some other bag and told everyone at my house about it, but at the main time due to so much work load my father forgot to bring these documents somehow, when I asked for these my father started to look into his bag but these were not there, now as these are the two necessary documents required for verification at UPSC I had none, it was 9:30 pm and tomorrow my interview was going to happen at 10 am, only solution was that some person bring that manually, My father asked one of his students to do it, he said OK SIR I SHALL COME, now I said one of my friend to have a flight ticket earliest for that boy and luckily there was only one seat remaining in the flight that was to be flown from LUCKNOW TO DELHI next morning at 6:30 am, if I would have been missed even by 5 minutes that ticket would have been booked, he reached Lucknow from my home by booking a cab and then to DELHI, here is the picture of that gentlemen ,the boy standing on right, left is my father, see these people who belong from such small place but how much helping they are, he travelled 800 km when he was tired working in his field whole day just in a hope that one of my brother is going to achieve something great so I should help him at any cost.
FEW DAYS BEFORE RESULT DECLARATION
It was DIWALI and I was at home after so long, as I knew that I shall be among toppers but my parents were afraid that anything can happen, so we didn't celebrate DIWALI with that much enthusiasm because the biggest DIWALI gift was yet to be given by UPSC.
9 NOVEMBER
One of my friend called me and said result aa gaya now my mother was shaking due to fear ,similar was the condition of my father ,He messaged me about my rank, I hold my breath and said nothing for few seconds, my mother thaught that something happened again as last year she started to get faint suddenly I spoke AIR 8,and bowed my head into feat of my parents. It appeared that they got new life and from that day till today and I suppose for forever whole atmosphere has changed, those people who used to taunt us now bow in front of my parents, every where we are respected and everything can't be written hear U just crack these exams and then feel, no amount of money can give me that amount of pleasure and satisfaction to me which I have achieved now, if I would have not taken this path I suppose a great void would have remained in my life, now we are fully satisfied and happy people, our house may remain damaged but if your inner house I. E your soul remains satisfied then it doesn't matter in which house you are living, an internal satisfaction is an eternal bliss and that can be achieved only by your hard work and living with full dedication.
Always remember A HARD EARNED MONEY AND WORSHIP WITH FULL DEVOTION NEVER GOES IN VAIN IT HAS SOME MAJESTIC POWER WHICH ONLY FEW PEOPLE CAN REALIZE.
After declaration of my result so many people use to come at our home see some snaps.
MY PARENTS
Me and my father sat first time in flight and it will now be usual affair for us I suppose.
THE PERSON WEARING RED JACKET IS MLA OF MY REGION AND A CABINET MINISTER IN UP GOVT.
AND THEN ONE WITH GURUDEV
Also see some n ews paper clippings
I can't upload each and every image there are so many of them, just remain motivated and always remember no one can stop U except you yourself, as your prelims is over now if you are getting through in mains it's excellent give your best and if are unable to do so work hard again because if I would have gave up at any stage then today I would have not been writing such answer......
- Vijaya Nandan Pandey, IES