Narcissists want in a relationship

They think they want to be loved. But no matter what you do or how much you love them through kindness patience and understanding, it’s never enough. All the love and adulation cannot satisfy them cause they are an empty shell of a human being. Ultimately even they don’t know what they want in a relationship and how to be in one, as they feel nothing for anyone but themselves. Even the pseudo empathy they try to feel for people around them is always related to their projections and needs. These people have no idea how to relate to themselves, so how will they relate to anybody?

Like others have mentioned, and it’s textbook accurate when they say - narcissists need a relationship as a game, someone to use as a punching bag, someone to offload their rage and anger, someone to make them feel good when they want attention. Even with all this, they get bored and create drama and will keep a stand by relationship to create a triangulation, whether real or imaginary.
A relationship for them is a playground to act out their fantasies, a means to an end, nothing more nothing less.

 -Mayura Kutappa

I Understand the material but cant solve Problems

Ah, you’ve fallen for the understanding trap.

 

You attend all the lectures. You probably leave each lecture thinking “Yeah, good, I understood that.” That feeling is a seductive lie.

 

You study all the material. For most people, that means you reread the material to make sure you understand it. You probably walk out of your study sessions thinking “Yeah, good, I understood that.” That feeling is a seductive lie.

 

Applying knowledge is a skill, like basketball or carpentry or card magic. The only way to get better at a skill is by practicing that skill. You can watch Gordon Ramsay all day long, but you won’t learn how to cook unless you actually go into the kitchen, break a few pots, serve mediocre food to people, hear and learn from their criticism, go back in the kitchen, break fewer pots, make better food, and so on. The only way to learn to do the thing is by doing the thing.

 

So if you want to be better at applying your STEM knowledge, you have to apply your STEM knowledge. To get better at solving problems, you have to solve problems. To get better at taking exams, you have to practice the skills that the tests ask you to demonstrate. That’s hard work, not just because the subject itself is hard, but because you have to battle your own self-image. (That frustrated feeling that you’ll never be able to do this is also a seductive lie!)

 

So. Find a bunch of problems to solve. (You can often find them in your textbook, or in your instructor’s homework assignments.) Close the book, turn off the internet, find some blank paper, write one problem statement at the top of each page, and then start solving. When you get stuck—and you will get stuck— ask your teacher or fellow students or the internet or your textbook for help, but not help solving that specific problem. Rather, ask for help solving that kind of problem. Try to figure out why you’re getting stuck, and work on that cause. Repeat ad nauseam.

 

-Jeff Erickson, Ph.D. from University of California, Berkeley (1996)

Study Like This........

• Never Treat Classes as the ‘One-All-Be-All’ - The classes you visit are a place for you to review what you learned on your own beforehand. They will not give you all the information and thinking about it this way only leads to laziness.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
• Study Daily - Every day do a little bit. Start off right away when you get into the course or decide to study something and do something regardless of the day. Even if it is just 5 minutes.                                                                                                                                                                   
• Always be Straight-Forward and Honest with yourself - Either you know the content or you don’t. Either you can learn on your own or you can’t. Either you do not need help or you do. Be honest and direct with yourself and accurately address what it is you need to do. And be humble enough to ask for help when you need it.       
•                                                  
• Take Effective Breaks - You do not need a 2-hour lunch break and that movie is not helping you study. Be honest enough with yourself to take breaks that actually recharge you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
• Keep Reflecting - You will never be able to be honest with yourself if you never look at what works and what doesn’t. Figure out what time of the day works best for you, how you can get most excited about things, and how you study best. Test out different things, reflect on them, and adjust as often as you need to to create an amazing study routine.                                                                                                                          
• Never Replace something of a Higher Priority with something of a Lower Priority - Your studying does take priority at times. No, that means you cannot go out with your friends. But other times you will have studied too much. And yes, that means you should go out with your friends. Make sure you know what means the most to you and keep your priorities in line, else you will sacrifice more than you wanted to along the way. 
• Lukas Schwekendiek

Can I get education loan easily for IIM colleges?

I can answer this question from different perspectives. My mother works at State Bank of India, so when my loan was sanctioned, I actually saw what criteria were used to calculate the repayment terms.

Every bank provides a separate class of loans for higher education (mostly MBA). SBI calls it the Scholar Loan Scheme. There are around 114 institutions

that are eligible for this loan. They are further classified into List A (53) and List B (61) - List A has better terms of loans - all the top IIMs and IITs are a part of this list.

The moment you get a confirmation e-mail from an IIM, your contact details are shared with the different banks for this loan. Soon after your result, you start getting calls from the banks with their loan offers. I received calls from 5 banks including the bank which was available on campus - SBI.

Not only that, but you also receive a pamphlet by post from the bank (IIM Ahmedabad sent us a folder including important documents and these):

The loan details are mentioned in these pamphlets and you can easily get in touch with the bank staff to get it sanctioned in no time. Your offer letter from the IIM acts as a basis for the loan.

If you choose to take the loan from the bank on campus, the process of disbursement becomes easier. Every term, when the fee is notified to us, there is an online form floated by SBI for the students who’ve taken a loan from the branch on campus. All they’re supposed to do is fill it. That’s it.

For the students who’ve taken a loan from banks outside, all they need to do is send out an e-mail asking the bank to disburse the term fee as notified by the IIM. The bank officials will take care of the rest.

For the students, who have their parents working in one of the banks, there can be some other schemes (for example, I’m availing the offer for the kids of bank employees given by SBI to my mother). In such cases, the interest rate can be lower and the terms of repayment can be different.

Most banks offer a loan up to Rs. 30 Lakhs to cover for expenses beyond the fee. The exchange fee can also be accommodated in the loan if you plan to go on exchange. SBI offered a loan of up to Rs. 40 Lakhs.

The repayment is within 15 years. This doesn’t take into account the study years. This means that you need not repay the principal amount while you’re studying. It is only after graduation, once you start earning that the repayment begins.

Most of the batch takes study loans irrespective of whether they can afford the program themselves or not. It makes more sense. Before joining, students often worry if they’ll be able to repay their loans. But, based on the conversations that we’ve had on campus with our alums, it is clear that almost everyone is able to.

Apart from the packages that you get after IIM, there are other ways to repay your loan. Two of them include the various scholarships that are offered at IIMs (based on performance) and the corporate case study competitions

, which offer lakhs of rupees as the cash prize.

So, both getting the loan sanctioned and repaying it are not that difficult.

-Shweta Arora, IIM-A graduate, blogs about CAT & guides aspirants

Work Life Balance in Twenties

No, you shouldn’t care too much about work-life balance in your mid-twenties, because you can afford not to. Use this time to take risks, since you have fewer responsibilities, more energy, and have nothing better to do with your time than to learn your craft or find your calling.

If you’re smart, you’d want to play and win at the long game. Being uncomfortable in your twenties will allow you the luxury of having a true and comfortable work-life balance in your thirties and beyond. Use the energy and youth of your twenties to develop important and valuable skills. People will also cut you more slack when you’re younger, so use that period to make mistakes and to learn.

In the process of working your ass of in your twenties you will also understand yourself and your priorities better. You will build your own value, self-confidence, life skills, your work ethic and habits in this period. I was in a PhD program from 22–26, and I often worked all night, weekends etc when needed. I was young, so I could recover easily from these stressful events. I had more energy. I’ll be 28 next month, and an all-nighter today takes a lot more out of me and recovery also takes more time. Use your youth wisely.

If you do all this in your twenties, then you can then finally make good use of your work-life balance in your thirties and beyond. You would know yourself better by then, have a great social circle, be financially comfortable, and be wise enough to use the downtime optimally. In other words, a bit of pain in your twenties will pay itself back many times over throughout the rest of the course of your life

-Karan Mehta, Laser Designer, PhD in ECE,

Government Job

Do you really want a government job? Is it your only wish or is it your burning desire? How much sacrifice can you accept to get it?
 

First, ask all the above questions to yourself and get all the answers. Be honest to yourself. If your answers show the direction towards the government job then I am quite sure that you will get the job.
 

It was 1999. I was working in a famous construction company Larsen and Toubro for last one and half years. The construction job is travel oriented. After completion of one project, you have to go for another project. It will continue throughout service life.
 
      I am something like homesick. I don’t love away from home. I always dream of a happy family life with family. I can see that my future will not be the same what I dream. It haunted me. I need a stable life. Only a government job can supply me what I dream. So after consulting with family and brothers, I left my job.
 

I can still remember what my elder brother said. You have one year. In this one year, you sit for at least 10 examinations. If cant does not get success on those examinations it can be assumed that you don’t have the quality to get the government job. I have lost my father when I studied in class nine and family was going through a financial crisis at that time. But still, my family support me by affording me at home for another year. But not with the full financial support of coaching books etc.
 

It was my last and final chance to settle my life with a government job. I left my job in May 1999. I was detached from my studies for the previous two years and I have only one year to a government job. Here I started my struggle. Like other young, I have also my friends at my locality. You believe me or not I detached me from all of them. it was the first crucial step for me. Next, I schedule my daily routine of study time.
 

Normally wake up at 06:00 AM. Then after getting fresh start my study for the next 3 to 4 hours. about 10:30 I went for a break. I sleep for about the next one and a half hour. It was my own assumption.
 
    I found that after studies for three to four hours it was fatigue and I have to take some rest. I think to use that time and the most effective way should go to sleep. After wake up takes lunch and start studies again up to 5 to 30 PM. Then went out for some time. Not with friends alone. 
 
   I don’t want to in some useless intake to my mind other than studies. After refreshment in the afternoon, I came back and start studying again up to 10 to 10:30 PM. It was my regular routine. I have created my own routine.

I didn't take any type of coaching because I couldn't have money to afford those. I buy two employment news magazine published in Bengali weekly and buy another monthly magazine. For the departmental study, I go through my diploma books and an MCQ types book. And I studied alone. I never practised with others.

Maybe it was a little harder to look, but I didn't have any choice. I have only one year. I have to detach myself from all things that could divert my mind from studies. It was like a war for me. I must have to win. And I win. I sat for three examinations of RRB as per my qualification matric with a diploma. I get to succeed in the first two.i have joined in Indian Railways as Assistant Loco Pilot in 2001. I also sat in PSC and SSC at matric level and clear them both. I still have the call letters. I have answered 196 questions correct in PSC out of 200. It was a great satisfaction for me. That was my preparation standard. Focus, focus and only focus on your aim.

I didn't have any choice other than a government job. Put yourself in these types of situation and I am quite sure that you will get the success. Start believe in yourself.

-Subhasis Dutta Roy, Experienced in marketing Pvt sector to Indian Railways Govt

Is Government Job Tough?

It depends on the job.

UPSC? Very.

SSC? Yes, it is tough.

Others? They vary anywhere between moderate to tough.

But wait for a second. This toughness is not based on a standard unit. Some measure toughness by factoring in the nature of exam,i.e. UPSC. It has a lot of papers and hence considered tough. Others measure toughness in terms of the number of applicants versus selection, e.g. SSC CGL, 20+lakh candidates for 10K posts.

But it is far too complex than that. Government jobs are categorized in groups, i.e. A, B, and C. The prevalent perspective is A>B>C. But it not that simple. It is highly relative when factors like department, posting, promotion, transfer rates, professionalism, additional benefits, etc are introduced in the picture. Most people these days are looking at tags and not the jobs, which makes your life easier. Let me explain with an example:

• The highest post offered by SSC CHSL(Level-4) is of a Postal Assistant(Post-office) and DEO(CAG). PA is a 6 day/week job with postings anywhere in the country, most probably, a rural or a semi-urban area. DEO(CAG) vacancies are generally only a fraction of other vacancies. But I guess it is okay overall. Both of them are transferrable jobs. Also, there are slim chances, accommodation will be provided.
• On the other hand, there is a position in DAE(parent body of BARC, HWB, RRCAT, TIFR, AMDER, etc) as UDC(Level-4). DAE has units all over the country, generally in a major city with well developed modern campuses. The job is not transferable. Although they mention that you can be asked to serve in any of the units in the advertisement, it generally doesn’t happen. 5 days/week and a 20% extra salary(PRIS scheme applicable to all DAE employees). And you are provided with accommodation in a city.
• And yet competition is nothing in the latter. Although I have been able to clear both tiers of CHSL, my score wasn't even enough to get me an LDC post(Level-2) and yet I got a UDC in DAE, which in terms of salary and benefits beats a level-5 job. Would you still call a government job tough? A guy more prepared than me would have gotten LDC in CHSL while I got a job paying twice that much by just applying for a job smartly.
• The lowest job in SSC CGL which generally comprises almost 50% of the vacancy is also level-4. People spend years of hard work towards CGL by getting influenced by prevalent notions, bad advice, coaching institutions, etc. Are you in the same category? If yes, stop following that herd now. Look-out for jobs that have additional benefits attached to them. In the last year, BARC, HWB, RRCAT, AMDER has released vacancies and very few people applied. You lost a chance to get a level-5 equivalent job for a level-2 job.
• All I do is keep improving slowly, little by little. All-day, I hang out with friends and watch shows/movies. And yet I got 3 job offers in the last 2 years. And I have only been unemployed for 5 months after college, that too, because I didn’t choose to join an MNC. Take a hint now. Getting a reputable job is tough. Others, not so much. Get a decent job and then keep trying for reputable ones. Let people run blindly. I can’t stress this enough. Get yourself in a safe zone first. ASAP.

There are at least half a dozen people messaging me every day, going to the lengths of making fake accounts, just to tell me that getting a job from CGL and CHSL has more reputation attached to it. All the haters in comments and DMs need not worry as I will again get busy in life once lockdown is lifted. I have time now, So I thought of sharing my experience with people. And no matter how much you try, I will not reply to DMs because I know all you want is my attention. Honestly, You don’t deserve it.

Thanks.

-Ravi Verma, Administrative Assistant at Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay (2018-present)

 

{  Blogger's Note : Just do what is required to get the dream job you want. If you have financial problem take up any CHSL job and prepare for other Job.

 

                  Also keep an eye on the vacancy of not so popular posts like UDC(Upper Division Clerk) in DAE(Department of Atomic Energy) and other government departments. 

   

     For these not so popular jobs you have to keep visiting ( in a regular manner) websites of various IIT,NIT,ISRO,BARC and other department and lookup for vacancy of UDC and other posts  }

25 LPA after BE in CSE

Now a days getting an annual package of 25+ is not a great thing. I can say it because I am earning and many of my peers too are.
 

If you include all compensation which are cash: bonus and base plus stocks. People get those in 3–4 years of experience. Excluding stocks 25+ in 5–6 years.

 

The only catch is never stick to a company or tech/skill for more than 1–1.5 years. I am a test engineer so I kept on upgrading the manual and automation skills. Along with that I never joined a company which had similar product in which I currently was working on. For dev role people acquire multiple skills.
 

When I joined my first company I started looking out from day one as graduating from tier 3 college with very average marks its always difficult for 1st jump. And then after that I never stick to one. You are always going to work then why not work for a better pay. If your current company is giving good hike (as a fresher consider good as 20+%) then consider otherwise never do.

Where people fail is starting for the 1st switch late and even worse is getting settled down in the 2nd own. But those who don't are those who crosses the mark. I have 6 years experience and in my 5th company. I crossed 20 mark including stocks in my 4th company at 3.9 years experience and left the same after 2.3 years when my compensation was somewhere around 32.5 give or take based on stock price. Cannot share the new company's salary though.

All the best and Never Settle. Love your work not the company.
 

Edit 1: Most people have doubt what to say if company asks for you have been changing so frequently?
 

What I usually follow is:

For the case when you have applied, I try to get information about the product which I will be working on and tell them why this role is suited for me and what value add it gives. Even though the changes are soon
 

If the recruiter has initiated the interview on his own that means they have gone through your profile. In this case you can directly confront them saying if the product and work is really good as mentioned in the JD you will be staying for long. Usually the JD has most of the buzzwords which you won’t be working on and they do the same as it was done by your current recruiter. In most of the cases they won’t ask this question.
 

Edit 2: How do I switch and what path should I follow?

If you want to switch where are you going to. What will be the target technology or product (company) for the switch?

If it’s initial, try to learn in the field that interests you. There are tons of courses and material available. Just for the sake of I need to switch because people does that. Is not going to get you anywhere.

If you think you are good at something then try to get the similar work in the current organisation or try outside. For me, I always focused on Core java and automation skills even though I didn’t work on automation till my 3rd company but was confident enough to crack an interview based on that.

You can plan for what is the target for you. This will help you a lot to decide on when and how to switch.
 

Edit 3:People have been sending me PM with just 1 or 2 liners as please guide me to change job or move from manual to automation testing. Humble request to them is I am not a career counselor who will reply to your one liner. It is you who has to to take up the task. Just because someone changed every year you too have to do that. You should find your own steps to move forward.

There is no simple answer to the questions like please help to change job. I don’t even know what you do and what your skills are. No one can help in such questions. Please make your own judgement to do that. If any queries are there which can be helped will be happy to do so.

-Shaswat Deep

High IQ or Good Work Ethic : Which is more important?

Why do you think that this is an either-or proposition? If you have a high IQ, why can’t you also develop a strong work ethic?

Wouldn't high IQ people have to work less and have more fun just because they have that gift?

Sure, foolish short-term thinkers may do that, but they’ll soon realize that the world doesn’t reward doing easy things as much. Besides, you’ll get bored with your life if you always do easy things. Learning a hard skill does three things for you: (1) provides you with material comfort, self-respect and pride in one’s work, and intellectual engagement, (2) builds a strong work ethic, and (3) helps develop humility.

Education is a great way to achieve all three. It builds grit and mental discipline because the degree shows that you can stick with a challenging multi-year commitment without quitting when the going gets tough, and it gives you valuable skills if you pick the right course of study for you.

Uneducated high IQ people are usually useless for solving highly challenging intellectual problems because they give up too soon since they were never forced out of their comfort zone because everything was easy for them in high school. They never struggled to solve novel and challenging problems, and hence never develop the mental stamina. A challenging university program is great training for developing and honing intellectual skills.

It will also build humility, like when you see other smart and brilliant people (colleagues and professors) around you, when you see your test scores, and when you fail at something. You will fail at some point if you’re doing something that’s worth doing, and this will teach a lot of lessons.

In short, if you have a very high IQ, learn to solve harder problems rather than coasting through life. It’ll bring you more long-term satisfaction and will help you develop into a better human being.

-Karan Mehta, Laser Designer, PhD in ECE

5000 to 500 Crore

IISc is for highly intelligent people......

No it is not made for intelligent people, it makes people highly intelligent.

Let me tell you my story. When I entered IISc I knew I am not intelligent I was just interested in learning and research. My interview ran for almost 2 hours starting with a plot of y = k exp (c x) for different values of k and c, (positive, negative and combination) and ended with my M. Tech thesis. I answered some, tried to derive some. Important part was whenever I did things logically and got stuck the faculty members helped me reach the conclusion.

IISc is a place where you learn how to learn after that people may or may not label you intelligent but you know what you are and what you want.

-Srikant Sekhar

IISC: From Thousands to Crores

My Struggle.....

Getting a job in college was my first priority since my family financial condition was not good. My father earning was hardly 8K per month. He borrowed loan for my education. As you all know current fees for Engineering degree is very high. I never used to get pocket money as my batchmates used to get from their parents. I never attended birthday parties with friends as I didn’t had money to give them a treat back. My friends always asked my birth date, I never told them as birthday party was required to celebrate. I was fearing to run behind girls as money was needed to go out like restaurants, malls, movies and all. Never planned a college trip with friends. Due to financial constraints, I was limiting myself not to have trips, not to go for restaurants.

My friend used to say why don’t you spent little more money for buying branded clothes or good quality things. As I never wanted to be a burden on my parents’ shoulder. I was well aware how much and how my father is earning money. I have to restrict myself.

That moment, only thing used to run in my mind पैसा-पैसा

Let me introduce myself, I’m Yogesh currently 25-year-old and will turn 26 by September this year. I’m Electrical Engineer by profession. I started my career at 22 with L&T construction as a Graduate Engineer Trainee in July 2016. I got this Job through Campus placement. CTC offered by L&T was 5.11 LPA. I was getting 34K in hand during my training period. As everything was provided by L&T like accommodations, electricity bills, water bills etc. I had to pay only food charges which was hardly around 4K every month. I had not drinking and smoking habits so 6K per month was sufficient for myself. Rest I used to send at Home.

After one-year training completion, I was a senior Engineer in the same organisation with In hand salary 43K. This time I was sending 25K at home and 12K around, I was saving since I wanted to quit my job and start preparation for government job. It was very hard decision for me to leave the organisation when I need to support my family financially. 3rd April 2018 was my final day in the Organisation.

With full focus, I started my preparation since April 2018 for ESE-2019, everything was going well. I used to perform excellent in test series but somehow in main exam, I failed miserably. I couldn’t get good rank in GATE also. Now I had no job in my hand and only 30K in my account. I used to get nightmares what to do now. All gone in buying study material, test series and Lecture videos.

Again, my first priority became to get Job wherever it is possible. Luckily very soon, I managed to enter into profit making PSU.

Currently I’m working as Executive trainee with gross salary 1.08 Lacs per month. And within few months, I will be confirmed as Assistant Manager in E3 Grade with gross salary 1.28 lacs per month.

Every month my account gets credited with 70K-80K with PF, Income tax, other deductions and Excluding Performance related pay which is credited at the end of every year. There are many other allowances like dress code allowances, Laptop, mobile, medical reimbursement.

As I have been posted at non-family location, here no cinema halls, no restaurant, so 65-70K goes into my saving and I send 60K out of my savings every month at home since my house is under construction and it will be completed by this year. मेरा छोटा सा घर -

I’m coming to your question weather I’m happy now. Definitely BIG YES.

Reasons are sure like job security, no financial crisis, no dependency for money. Specially, my parents are happy.

One more reason for happiness-

I don’t have a girlfriend at this age means no extra expenditure and you need not to take care one extra person. And specailly Time saving, someone said, Time is money 😊

And What other thing which makes me happy-

Now

1. I’m much more confident

2. Don’t react to the situations,

3. I can manage stress,

4. Remains calm and silent in every condition.

5. No chaos, no office politics at my work place

6. Pollution free work place between the mountains, no one to disturb me.

What else is required for a happy life.

In last few months, I have travelled to some places in mountains

1. Shimla (HP)- First snow fall of my life.

2. Uttarkashi - Mahasu temple

3. Varanasi Specially Ghats.

4. Bhimakali Temple- Sarahan with serene view at back

5. A small trip

पहाड़ो के बीच हमारा छोटा सा घर (provided by company)- Accommodation

River just 100 meter away from my accommodation , it's water flowing sound is very pleasing. I usually spent time in evening.

Distributory of Yamuna river

I have made plan to explore Uttarakhand this year but Damn Covid-19 ruined it, waiting for everything to be on the same track.

Currently Enjoying beauty of nature in Uttarkashi with this view and writing my answer in जंगल।

A request to readers, please ignore grammatical errors.

-Yogesh Yadav,NIT Allahabad