Everyone is Oppurtunist and Manipulator?

One of the interesting things about being a psychotherapist is that I get to hear people talk about the world from their point of view. I have worked with a lot of people who qualify for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and one of the main things that I have learned is not to make broad sweeping generalizations about them.

So what can I say that is likely to be true about whether people with NPD think everyone is an opportunist or a manipulator?

Not all people with Narcissistic Personality Disorders think everyone is an opportunist or a manipulator.

But…some of them do say that they believe this. What is influencing this subgroup of people with NPD to say and believe this about other people?

• Their Parents’ Value System

Young children are very influenced by how their parents view the world and also by how these parents act towards the children. If the Narcissist’s parents expressed the belief that all people are manipulative and opportunistic, their child is likely to accept this as true. This belief would be greatly enhanced if the parents also acted in a self-centered, manipulative way towards the child.

• Their Own Motives

Some of my Narcissistic clients are extremely opportunistic and manipulative. They rationalize their own behaviors by telling me that everyone is out for themselves, therefore, what they are doing is okay.

• Their Life Experiences

If you hang around with opportunistic and manipulative people, it can be hard to believe that altruism exists.

• Their Ability to Make Nuanced Assessments of Other People

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder do not have “whole object relations.” This means that they cannot see themselves or other people in a stable, realistic, and integrated way. Instead there are only two categories: all good or all bad. They are like people who can recognize the number 1 and the number 10, but are missing the 2 through 9.

This gives them an unrealistic and unnuanced view of other people. They are likely to have difficulty recognizing that just because some people they know are opportunistic and manipulative, other people may not be. Therefore, they are likely to think all people are that way.

Punchline: Not all people with NPD believe that everyone is opportunistic and manipulative—unless they are that way themselves.

-Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP