Signs of Narcissistic Household

• Nothing of what you do is correct.

You must not talk, but you must not be silent. You must not disagree, but when you agree, they change the plan. You must not show emotions, but you must not keep a neutral face. You cannot succeed but you must not fail, and average results are not accepted.

• You are required to accept anything happening to you.

You must pretend everything is fine when nothing is. You are not allowed to stop smiling no matter how broken you are. You must never call them out on anything. You have no right.

• Always listen, speak only when asked to do so.

They do not want to hear you unless you talk to approve what they say, or to say what they want you to say.

• You are not allowed to choose anything.

The narcissist always knows better than everyone about everything and is the only one able to choose. You cannot trust your reasoning to make choices, because they know better than you what is good (i.e. bad) for you.

• Everything you say, think, feel, want, like or are interested in, is wrong.

The narcissist will never agree with you on anything. When you agree with them, they change their opinion to keep disagreeing with you. You must not contradict them because they are always right and you are always wrong.

• Your needs are irrelevant.

They are an inconvenience to the narcissist. Their attention is all drawn to themselves, and yours must be all drawn to them too.

• Nothing is what you think it is.

You are the delusional one. Your memories are all twisted, your perception of reality is twisted, you do not actually feel what you think you feel, you are not sick when you feel and say you are, you need nothing of what you think you need, and they never abused you, you only imagined it all. They will always cover up their abuse and make sure no one believes you, including yourself.

• Everything is your fault.

Every wrong thing they did is blamed on you. You either caused them to do it, did it yourself, deserved it, or it was not that bad and you are overreacting.

Divorce

When I was six my friend told me she wasn't allowed to come over to my house to play because my parents were divorced.

She said the word "divorce" like it was dirty.

I went home and asked my mom if divorce was contagious.

Despite what everyone was saying, my parents went ahead and split up anyway.

This is how I learned very early in life that the pursuit of your own happiness trumps what anyone may or may not be saying about you.

This incident occurred about 40 years ago. In that time, I've learned a lot more about gossip.

Here is a summary:

People talk less about you than you think. They have the audacity to be too preoccupied with themselves to be concerned about you.

Why do people gossip? Because tearing someone else down is evidence that you are unhappy with a part of your own life. The happier you are, the less you will criticize someone else, and the more empathy you will feel for what they are going through.

What someone says about you when they are unhappy with themselves is more about them than it is about you. As such, it's not ever a good guide for how to live your life. Don't make decisions based on what others might think or say. It will steer you wrong every time.

The busier you are working on you, your life and your happiness, the less time you will have to talk about others.

And even better, the less time you will have to show any concern for what others say about you.

I am a deeply flawed person. I have a lot of work to do and as such I have no time to waste.

To directly answer your question, I neither know nor am worried about anything anyone has to say about me, true or otherwise; and neither should you.

-Dushka Zapata

Salary of Indian post office clerk?

It's not clerk but it's called Assistant, I mean Postal assistant. I joined as a postal assistant in october 2018 through CHSL2016(combined higher secondary level examination 2016). As we know it's 2400gp post so its basic pay is 25,500. I got posting in kolkata & it is in X city, So I got highest salary of postal assistant in this city. When I joined in this department, my first month inhand salary was 34,879. After that I got increment & DA has been increased by central government. So at present my inhand salary is 37,913 & gross salary is 41,295 in x city. Salary depends on the city.(X, Y, Z)

For better experience I show you my salary slip:

-Kanhaiya Kumar Mehta, Assistant at India Post (2018-present)

{Blogger's  Note : You can give SSC CHSL after 12 and get a job in postal assistant or clerk }

What is the biggest source of motivation for IES preparation?

Don't you ever imagine, what changes you could have made if you could make a trip to your past?

Then why do something unimportant in present to think the same in future?

We always think about making our life meaningful and beautiful in some or the other way. We all enjoy and cherish our childhood without any purpose or fear. But now when we grow up, with wisdom and a proper mindset, one must attach a purpose to his or her life.

Life should not end with a bundle of regrets, rather it should be a book of gratitude and moments of feeling proud of not giving up , sacrificing little pleasures and working hard to achieve everything you aspired for.

If you attach that feeling to ESE, then during times of demotivation, remember it is not going to be easy.

But giving up is for the coward, Respect time, unleash your potential and start studying again.

Had it been so easy, everyone could have cleared it. More than preparing for the exam, you need to prepare your mind every single day to stick to your goal. Develop that inner strength.

If you are exhausted, stop for a while. We all need to relax and rejuvenate. But begin again with double the zeal.

So according to me, the biggest source of motivation is the meaning and purpose you attach to a thing or goal.

If something is important, it is important. All the excuses will hold no place.

Always remember, what your capacity is not able to achieve, your willpower will.

All the best

-Shuchita Arora, UPSC ESE AIR 16

Achieving something really splendid,requires enormous efforts and patience as well

Achieving something really splendid,requires enormous efforts and patience as well.

My class 12th:

I left my class 11th hostel and took a rented room with a friend. All the beautiful memories of class 11th hostel, all close friends and the comfortable environment of my hostel: all I had to leave. Only thing in mind was to crack medical entrance exam

1. My roommate was not studious. He just wanted to get a good percentage. Bit friction occured between both of us.
2. I had to lock myself for studies since in 11th I did not study much. I had to cover that too. you can understand the stress of covering 11th, 12th, board, medical entrance and engineering entrance in 1 year
3. We could not afford a good house or cook. Each day we had to struggle for food. I was missing the comfort of hostel.
4. I tried to avoid my close friends in hostel for 1 year many often.

That 1 year was like 1 lifetime. Each minute was a moment of struggle: related to studies, friends, food, accommodation.

Only thing that helped me was patience and consistent effort .

And finally I cracked both medical and engineering entrance exam and got into IIT Kharagpur.

This is the power of patience.

Were all those sacrifices worth it? Hell yeah

Life is a full circle. Again the time came.

Civil services preparation:

June 2016:

I put my best effort. Yet I could not qualify for 6 marks.

I had to restart everything from scratch.

June 2017:

I put everything possible this time. Last time I could not qualify just because of 6 marks. I put my heart into it. But again I failed.

It feels so disheartening when your whole year goes to waste. I thought to leave the preparation and work on my Start up full time. My personal life was at stake. My family's financial condition deteriorated.

Amidst all these distractions and struggles somehow my close friend persuaded me to give one more attempt. That one year was hell of a time.

It takes immense grit to get back to studies and study the same books, notes.

April 27 2018:

Finally patience paid off. I got into Indian Administrative service. (IAS)

Whenever I look back I see two things. If you want to achieve something big in your life, you need equal amount of effort and time.

So patience is the key. It keeps you motivated amidst all the negativities and it keeps you moving towards your goal.

Stay positive and work hard in right direction. You will win.

      -Abinash Mishra

Success...........

Once Ramakrishna Paramahansa (teacher of Swami Vivekananda) sent two of his students to dig a well to get water.

First student dug for 1 metre in a place. Then left it thinking this place is too dry to get water. He dug for another 1 metre. Then again he did not get water. He left this one too. He kept on digging at several places and abandoned those after little effort. So finally he returned with huge disappointment with the excuse that this place is too dry to get water.

The second student dug for 1 metre. He found rock. It was difficult to dig. But he kept on doing. He found harder rock as he keep on digging. He got exhausted, but he did not leave hope. He kept on digging. After digging 99 metre deep, there lied the hardest rock. For a while he thought how can there be water beneath such hard rock. He was bit dillusioned with exhaustion.

 But he remembered his teacher's conviction of getting water at that place. He came back strongly. He removed the hardest rock with his full energy. And underneath this he found water.

To get success Patience and hard work are must. Complete focus and dedication over one thing for a substantial time.

-Abhinash Mishra

How to Think?

{On The Subtitle If you are finding it difficult to understand the accent or language}

How much of an advantage do the children of the richest families really have?

I used to teach maths to underprivileged kids on Saturday mornings.

3 of the kids, aged 17, were really good at mathematics, like top 5% in terms of natural ability.

I suggested they do the A-level maths in one year, not the standard two. I explained that the maths A-level should be easy for them, and they just needed to give it a go. If they did their maths A-level a year early, they could then focus on their other A-level subjects.

They were studious, wanted to do well, but told me they would not be able to do a two year course in a year - they didn't believe in themselves, and, sure, they didn't believe in me.

Now, fast-forward many years to a few years ago, my son got an A in the same exam, aged 11. He was about the same level of mathematical ability as those kids.

But the difference was my son believed in himself - because his parents have given him that confidence from an early age.

Now, sure, I’ve given some extremes - and to some extent my son was too young to know any better - but I’ve also observed that in general private school kids tend to believe in themselves way more than state school kids even if they achieve the same grades - despite it being harder for state school kids to attain those grades.

I’ve come to the view that one of the biggest things holding back the underprivileged is that less of them have role models, those around them don’t believe in them as much, so they don't believe in themselves.

The result is that they don't expect as much from themselves - in life.

Privilege isn't just access to the best resources, a helping hand, financial security, it's much more - it’s also a passed down mindset.

 

-Asim Qureshi, MA Physics, University of Oxford

{Blogger's Note:  You can change your mindset as well as life.Just learn from the people and be ready to change and be comfortable in getting uncomfortable.Please read the following books The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz and Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck.  

Watch the Below Video Also : 

}

I and Joseph were in my preparation days. We targeted some top institutes for our PG. Joseph was not good in his studies. In his 10th and 12th he scored less than 65% and he attempted JEE twice in which he failed.

One day Joseph got a call from his uncle. His Uncle said “son, go for UPSC CDS and become an army officer” to which Joseph agreed. Although Joseph was not interested in this.

CDS is an exam which opens the door for an individual to become a lieutenant in Indian Army. After the written exam one has to clear the SSB also which is comparatively tough than the CDS.

He asked me to fill the exam form for CDS just to accompany him to which I agreed and we filled the exam form. We both were preparing for one of the toughest aptitude examination so I was sure about clearing the written exam of CDS but about Joseph I doubted.

The exam day came, we both attempted the exam and eventually we both cleared the written exam. Now I was not interested in getting into the army so cleared it to Joseph that I will not be appearing for SSB. Joseph also said the same but he was skeptical about it.

One day his father paid a visit to us. Joseph’s father run a Medical Store in Bhubaneswar and he use to earn 15 to 20K a month. Joseph told his father about the exam. His father got extremely happy after getting the news but Joseph said he doesn’t want to serve the army and wants to run the medical store. (He was hopeless about clearing his SSB.)

His father said “Son, Your Grandfather used to run this store. He wanted me to study and get a job but I wasted my life with my friends and in the end I had this store left. I may not earn as much as your friend’s father but I did my best to provide you good education. I do not buy a smartphone for me because I want to buy it for you. Your mother do not purchase any jewellery because she saves money for your education. If not for you then at least for us go for the further process, join the army and make us proud.”

This had a great impact on Joseph and he started working hard for the SSB and his sheer hard work and dedication bore him fruits. He ended up clearing the SSB and got recommended for Indian Military Academy.

Every year lacs of students fail in exams like JEE and NEET and Joseph was one of them. He started thinking that he is an average and he is not born for becoming an officer or getting a heavy package in a MNC. But when he changed his mindset he was able to do exceptional things. So, we must cancel our pessimistic attitude towards our life, we must stop thinking that we are average.

We are humans and we all have infinite potential.

-Krishnakant Singh, B.A. Sociology (2017)

Lets start with little background about me I am 23 years old female. i am working as a clerk in bank of india . I completed my graduation in computer science engineering from private college in june 2018. From the beginning of last semester I was preparing for banking exams

After college I give SBI clerk SBI po rrb clerk rrb po IBPS po and IBPS clerk exams.

Finally I cleared IBPS clerk in April 2019 and from 3 marks I missed final selection in IBPS po

Then I joined bank of India in July 2019. I got posting in semi urban city around130km away from home.

I get around 23600 salary pm that I spent something like this

Rent 3500pm

Food 2k pm

Education loan EMI 5k pm

Traveling around 1500pm

Other stuff 1k or 2k it depends

After all this deductions I save around 10k or 11k every month

I belonged to a lower middle class family. My father and mother both are sanitation workers.I have 3 siblings I am elder among them. In the beginning of my education it gets really difficult for my parents to pay my school fees I remember all those days when my father left with no money even for food we took help from our relatives. But my parents never give upon our education. They give us best education as they could.

I am first graduated person in my family and also first one who get job in bank.

Yes I am happy with my salary and even more i am happy with my job because whenever someone ask about me,my job ,my career to my parents, they proudly tell them.

Since my childhood we are living in single room tiny house still we live there only so I am planning to buy house for my parents after 3–4 years when I have enough savings.

And I am still preparing for other government exams better than my current job let see what future holds for me.

-Himani Karode, Clerk at Bank of India (2019-present)

Thankyou…