If someone claims to love you, but walks away and ghosts you, I think one or more of the following applies:

1. They do not actually love you.
2. They use the word “love” too loosely.
3. They mistake shallow, positive feelings that they feel for a short time for love.
4. They wanted to have sex with you and described that to you as love.
5. They have a personality disorder and “split” —shifted from seeing you as all-good to all-bad—because something you said or did triggered them.
6. They lied when they said they loved you and knew they were lying.
7. They told you they loved you in response to you saying it to them and they felt obligated to say it back in return.

Punchline: Unfortunately, the word “love” is used for many different things. People say that they love ice cream, a particular book, the way a haircut looks, and their spouse. If someone says “I love you” and is able to walk away and ghost you, whatever they meant by love is different than the deep, stable, caring positive feelings that most people seek from a mate.

Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP

In private practice and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

www.elinorgreenberg.com