10 Points

1. As children we are encouraged to “Be ourselves.” We certainly can do this, but if we do, don’t expect others to always like us. We may lose friends, career promotions, and be alienated from family. The truth is that people often prefer the fake versions of us, depending upon whether we naturally have an agreeable personality or not.
2. The Boy Scouts of America just went bankrupt and dissolved due to lawsuits based on tens of thousands of incidents of sexual abuse of young boys. Pedophile priests and pastors ran rampant in the Catholic Church for decades. The truth is you cannot trust your son or daughter with strangers, even members of your own family.
3. There are some people who are dead inside. There is no hidden good person inside of them.
4. Many people cannot realize the absurdity of the rat race until they have completed the maze.
5. If you are a scapegoat in your family nothing you say or do can change that. You cannot “work out your differences,” “lay out your heart,” and have it change anything. In fact, they will use your vulnerabilities against you. There is only one way out—get out and don’t look back.
6. As a parent with three children you see the enormous power of genetics. Parents help nurture their children, but 80% of who we are is the product of the random combination of genes. My fraternal twins might as well be from different planets—looks, height, intelligence, hair color, and interests—all radically different.
7. One man’s heaven is another man’s hell.
8. Trust your gut. It usually ends up being right, and you realize this after you ignore it and give ______ suspicious person your trust.
9. Everything is politics—even your family. Next, you can be the most competent person in the world, but if you aren’t political, you will be passed over, bullied, or ignored.
10. The strongest form of violence is mass quiet assent.

Update:

#5 does not mean every family scapegoats. Most don’t. But for those that do, sometimes the only resolution is leaving. Next, many family conflicts are caused by misunderstandings that can be resolved. I am referring here to those which cannot be resolved by “talking it out.”

#8 Trusting your gut doesn’t mean all people are bad. Nor does it mean that your gut is always right. Some people have poor instincts related to people so their “guts” are not very good guides. I am referring to y

our average person.

#9 means the interaction between people. Politics is “us,” not just what happens in Washington DC or London. It is the dynamics of human interaction.

#10 Mass quiet assent is what enables the few or many to conduct acts of violence. It was the neighbors of Jews in Eastern Europe calling on their Jewish neighbors to be arrested and taken to concentration camps. It was the silence of the German people. It is the silence of American citizens (and the outright support) of children being separated from their parents at the Southern border.

   - Alexander Finnegan

EVERYONE STARTS FROM THE BOTTOM

I have solved thousands of problems in physics during my high school when I was preparing for International Physics Olympiads and a few hundred at University of Cambridge.

Last summer, I started preparing for Software Engineering internship applications. I solved a few hundred questions on HackerRank and, in a few weeks, I managed to get to a level necessary for good performance in interviews.

(I am telling you these so you would know that I am not BSing and actually know what I am talking about.)

When I first started problem-solving, I was bad. I was nowhere close to even a regional-Olympiads, let alone International!

I started solving problems during my physics club. It took me dozens of problems before I could up my level. I remember one day how I happily approached my teacher and told her: “I solved a National Olympiad question yesterday!”

Fast forward, two years and I was solving international Olympiad problems in ease!

How? What did I do? What’s the secret?

The secret is…

JUST KEEP GOING.

Honestly, just keep solving problems and I guarantee that you would get better in this.

But DON’T just look up the solutions, and think that you solved the problem without understanding it and move on.

You need to think about the problems but most importantly you have to get value from it. When you look up the solution, do not just read it, say “yeah, whatever” in your mind and skip.

Instead, ask yourself, “why couldn’t I solve it? How could I have solved this?”

Maybe it’s lack of knowledge (e.g. you do not understand how the law of Mechanics works). If it’s knowledge, don’t problem-solve, but learn theory first.

Maybe you had to think out of the box. Learn from this experience. Note this down in your mind.

On and on, you do this, and your problem solving would increase. And not only it would be good in physics, but in math, in computer science, and in life.

The key point, however, is this:

EVERYONE STARTS FROM THE BOTTOM.

Nobody is born solving complex problems. Like any skill, problem-solving is developed.

Just keep doing it and you WILL get there. Believe me.

  

   -Ara Mambreyan,MEng, University of Cambridge (2021)

Conditions NOT taken Seriously

1. I often see rainbow halo around bright lights. I don’t worry because my vision is sharp, I can see everything clearly, I can even pick up a pin from the floor. Some dark patches at the periphery of my vision but well, I am 40 you see’.

It could be an early sign of a disease called glaucoma. ‘Open angle glaucoma’ has very little initial symptoms. Once visual dimness starts, it is generally pretty advanced where treatment may not help give back your vision. If you are in doubt, check out with an ophthalmologist.

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2. I am fit as a fiddle. But yesterday my wife said that my speech was unusual, like a ‘baby’ speech, slurred, but became normal 5 minutes later. I didn’t feel a thing; and yes that 5 minutes my left eye vision also seemed somewhat blurred. I know it is all office stress. Could you please ask my wife to stop worrying?

You have classical features of Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA), which if untreated might end up in a full-fledged stroke later. Walking with support the rest of your life is not a good idea.

3.No no, it is not the usual headache. It is on the side of the face, in front of the ear, on just one side. I got a routine check-up done, blood pressure, sugars, cholesterol all normal. Just that the ESR is high, must be the nothing important.

‘Temporal region’ headache and high ESR points to an unusual disease called temporal arteritis. Unless treated promptly, you could lose your vision, permanently.

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4.The other day when I was walking uphill, I felt some pain and numbness in my lower jaw tooth. I would have ignored it but it comes off and on. I have a bad set of tooth right from childhood; chocolates, you know. I am planning to see the dentist and get my tooth fixed. Before new year 2021; for sure.

You are describing a classical ‘angina’ a symptom of heart disease. Go see a cardiologist. You might need an angiogram and not a root-canal.

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5.I get these stomach pains during periods. But this one is too unusual, severe and bad, and I didn’t have my periods yet. 2 more days of pain killers should do.

Ectopic pregnancy is a rare case of acute abdominal pain which occur when the ovum is fertilized in the thin ‘fallopian tube’ instead of the cushy uterus. The enlarging fetal sac penetrates the tube causing severe abdominal pain, bleeding and often a shock. Check out.

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Endnote:

Did you say ‘oh my God’ these are symptoms I feel every day! You are scaring me, Doc’

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There is a fine line between ‘being cautious’ and ‘getting scared’.

Once on-board a flight, the cautious gentleman listens carefully to the safety instructions, notes the exits but after the take-off, he enjoys the meal, the music and the beautiful blue sky outside the window.

The scared man goes on praying with folded hands for a safe landing, all-through the flight, inattentive of the safety drill and the missing the goodies in flight.

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Knowledge can be used as seat belt or as a nightmare.

I leave it to you.

   

-Tiny Nair

Cardiologist at PRS Hospital, Trivandrum

You Don't Know How Research Could Benefit The Society

In the 1960′s a minor mathematician named Pyotr Yakovlevich Ufimtsev began research for the Soviet electronic warfare unit.

Since the EW unit was mostly concerned with radio waves, he began to look into how radio waves bounced off of two- and three-dimensional surfaces. The equations he developed were extraordinary, but not given much thought by his superiors since there didn't seem to be any practical applications.

In fact, his bosses thought so little of his work they allowed it to be published, completely unclassified. The paper, Method of Edge Waves in the Physical Theory of Diffraction, was published in 1962.

Well, the book was translated into English by the U.S. Air Force foreign technology division in the 1970′s just when the US was experiencing a big problem in Vietnam.

The big problem was that the NVA kept shooting U.S. planes down with surface to air missiles, and there wasn’t a lot we could do about it. The lesson learned from this by the US and NATO in the '60s-'70s during the Vietnam war was that a sophisticated, radar-guided air defense network would likely cause tremendous initial losses to NATO aircraft during the opening stages of a confrontation with the Warsaw Pact in Europe.

Our allies the Israelis had a similar issue with Soviet-designed air defense around the same time. In the 1973 Yom Kippur war they lost over 100 aircraft to Soviet-provided radar-guided SAMs in the first few weeks of the war.

Something had to be done to neutralize that Soviet radar air defense threat.

After all ideas were considered, it was decided that the best option was to build a plane invisible to enemy radar that could penetrate the defended airspace, take out the radar control networks and allow the regular aircraft to flow in through the gaps punched in the line by the invisible plane.

But how do you make an object invisible to radar? Well, for starters you’d better know how radar waves bounce off three-dimensional things like planes. Which is where our old friend Peter and his long-ignored book of formulas for exactly that purpose come in.

At the time, the computers were only powerful enough to calculate how radar bounced off flat surfaces, so they had to build a plane entirely out of flat surfaces. It looked like this.

(Lockheed Have Blue flying prototype)

It was so good that when they put it on the radar test range they got no return at all, and the engineers thought the equipment was malfunctioning. Only when they hauled a test object out onto the range to verify everything was fine did they understand the magnitude of what they had created.

Refinement and militarization produced a truly astounding aircraft.

(Lockheed F-117)

But still made out of flat surfaces. These days we have better computers that can model radar reflections off 3-D objects.
So we have this,

(Northrop B-2)

This,

(Lockheed F-35)

and this, the most stealthy combat aircraft to ever take to the sky.

(Lockheed F-22)

And all thanks to our esteemed comrade Ufimtsev, the father of Stealth, ignored at the time but now one of the most coveted military technologies of all.

   - Damien Leimbach

“35 Years of Experience”

 “35 years of experience.”

At least, that’s what the sign on his office door said.

Still, she never woke up, slipping from this world without ever knowing. No chance to say goodbye to her family.

She was dead.

She was Jill Lyons, a 55-year-old teacher and the mother of two young girls.

He was Dr Glen Childs, a cardiothoracic surgeon.

---

After getting sick, Jill realised something wasn’t right. Within days it was clear this wasn’t just a cold.

Her husband raced her to the hospital where doctors began tests, inserted tubes, and took images.

The diagnosis was in.

Jill had developed bacterial endocarditis. It’s a life-threatening infection where bacteria have gotten inside of her heart.

The endocardium is the inner heart layer, and this is bad. Our heart valves are also part of this endocardial layer. This meant that the infection was destroying Jill’s heart valves. Without them, she can’t pump enough blood forward to the rest of her body.

She needed surgery immediately.

The operating room was prepped, and the hospital searched frantically for the cardiothoracic surgeon on duty.

Dr Glen Childs.

He was a talented surgeon with over thirty five years of practice.

He had performed thousands of surgeries.

He had a stellar record and was well respected.

Jill died.

---

But how?

Dr Childs was experienced. It should have been a straightforward procedure.

He had attached Jill’s replacement valves the wrong way around.

It was later revealed that this was the first time he performed this procedure as the lead surgeon.

35 years of experience and Jill still died.

---

Dr Childs might have had 35 years of experience, but for a procedure he wasn’t familiar with, it may as well have been none.

Dr Childs isn’t the only person misguided by the lie of experience - we all are.

We all grow up and eventually get a job. This requires learning.

If you have a trade, you will spend some years learning it.

If you go to university, you will spend some years studying and then some years learning on the job.

That’s when it ends.

You fall into the rut of your work.

You stop learning.

Just like Dr Childs discovered, a wealth of experience doesn’t really mean much. When it came to something he wasn’t familiar with, his 35 years counted for little.

It’s not the time of your experience, but your experience in that time.

So when I hear someone saying they have 20 years of experience, I think…

Do you really have twenty years of experience, or one year that you’ve repeated twenty times?

When we stop learning, stop improving ourselves, that’s when we switch life from shuffle to repeat, and even the best song will drive you crazy when it’s all there is.

I Could Never Change My Family ! { Well you never need to }

I could never change my family.

I was 5 when my mom walked out on my sister and me.

We were dropped off in New Jersey to live with my Korean father. We were rushed into his house and then my mom turned around and she left.

No one told me that she was gone. No one told me if she was even coming back. I had no idea what was happening.

I knew that this was my father. He had black hair, glasses, and he laid his hands on us from Day 1.

We quickly learned how to clean thoroughly and please my father. If he called for us, we showed up, standing straight and hands at our sides. If he wanted help in the garage, we were out there lifting boxes.

I was afraid of my father.

All the time.

He had no mercy when he hit. There was no holding back to how many times or how much force he used.

Worst of all — he would hit without warning.

I’d stand next to him in the kitchen putting away the dry dishes. He’d see something that was not properly washed or something that ticked him off and he would take his fist or a nearby hard object and he’d swing at my head.

Sometimes, I’d hear the sound of his slippers as he charged down the hallway and I knew he was coming for us. His anger was audible before he made contact. There was never enough time to ask what or to plead stop or to beg what I did wrong — he’d just hit. Hard.

And I cried.

I cried all the time.

Naturally, I cried for my mom. I wanted her to come and save me.

A couple times a year, she’d call and because the phones in the house at the time had cords, I could only talk to her in my father’s office. He would hear everything I’d say so I kept conversation short and tried to not cry.

The next time I saw my mom was over 10 years later.

I was graduating high school and I guess she decided to come see me. She looked so different than what I remembered. She rarely sent pictures of herself and we did not video chat back then. I was shocked.

My mom and I were sitting in the kitchen when my father walked in. This was the first time I ever saw them in the same room in my life.

He didn’t say anything but I suppose by him just being around her— she reacted and I immediately noticed. She crossed her arms, she made herself small, and avoided all eye contact.

So I realized 2 things—

1. He must have laid his hands on her, too.
2. Then, she knew exactly what he was like and she fucking left us with him anyway.

The realizations poured over me slowly and I processed it all in the days after my mom flew back.

I had spent so much time crying, wishing, and praying for my mom to come back and to save me. But this whole time, she knew what we could have been going through and never decided to come back for us.

It was clear that she did not care but when I was a child, I wanted to believe she did.

So part of the truth is that my mother abandoned me and my father abused the shit out of me. Then during high school, my older sister ran away from home.

The hardest part of the truth was that my family was so broken and I was never going to fix it.

It’d be impossible. For some years, I didn’t want anything to do with my mom and I knew I was never going to change my father.

So what did I do when my then-current home life felt so incredibly fucked?

I pushed forward on my future.

I would not be able to fix what was already behind me but I knew I could control what was in front me. So I ran after it.

I double-downed on my school studies, my personal development, running, and building a better life for my future self. I did all this because I refused to let my upbringing define my life.

You can come from a dark, fucked up childhood and grow into a bright, loving person. It takes a lot of work and strength and it’s not easy.

But it is so worth it.

Growing up, I had every reason to think that the world was a shitty place and God was not there.

But I held onto the belief that my life was going to be MORE than this, more than growing up in this stupid fucking house. I held onto this belief very tightly.

And I believe that people who experience emotionally challenging times in their formative years— we are made up of something different.

We develop a unique muscle, like a special reserve that we know we have and that we can tap into when we push through difficulties.

When I’m running and it gets hard and I want to stop, I remember when my father struck me and I stood there and I fucking took it. So I channel that and push through pain.

Again, I refused to let my upbringing define my life. Instead I let it shape me into the strong woman I grew up to be.

And truth is, I am still working through it.

Still growing.

---

Thanks for reading, means a lot.

     

   -Kaila J. Lim 

  

   

{ Blogger's Note : Kabhi Gham Mat Karna , ke Kash aisi family Mili Hoti , Na Dusro Ki Family ko Dekh ke Dukh Karna , Apni Zindagi ko Behtar Banane Ki Koshish Karna , Behtar Nahi Balke Behtareen ! 

    Apna Naya Ghar, Pehli Gadi, Pehli Salary, Pehli Success, Pehli Bar Aeroplane ka Safar , Pehli Bar First Class Train me Safar & there are many things who have good & rich family will miss . Tum isey Miss Nahi karogay , kyuki Tum khud Banaogay , You will be Self Made ! Put Your 100% in Work & increase your Assets &  Find Ways to improve Your Quality of Life }

Are you like this ?

Why I Hate Bollywood Movies ?

 Yesterday I was talking to a friend . He was in a early stage relationship with a girl and then the girl changed her mind. My Friend has been deeply affected by this (some people are sensitive ). you can change the gender as well . There are so many such stories of our youth .

Our movies like Veer Zara , Kal Ho na Ho Or Aashiqui series or any romantic story you see they talk about Pure and unconditional love . Our youths follow movies religiously and yes, they have deep impact on our values while growing up .

I felt this has destroyed the lives of many .

1. Love unconditionally, but to those who deserve
2. Trust , but verify them
3. if someone wants to go, let them. If you hold back there will be many negative repulsions. Let them explore. It may happen that they may come back to you after failing . But let them try
4. When someone does not reciprocate , chill out . Be good friends. But expect nothing . Have a good life outside it . Remember nothing is worth your happiness
5. Do not be artificial, but be practical
6. There is nothing such as perfect person or perfect couple as people portrayed in social media. Love lies with in you . When your intention is clear, you will find it

-Abinash Mishra, IAS

   Karma's Role In Unemployment

Your Name is Robert

 

Your name is Robert.

You’ve been working for 10 years as an accountant. Your hard work and sleepless nights have finally paid off: last week you landed the promotion you’ve been seeking for all these years.

Two days ago, you took your daughter to school for the first time. You tried not to get emotional. You summoned all of your manliest thoughts, but failed to defeat the feels-onslaught of a 5-year-old walking, with her Spongebob backpack, to class for the first time.

The next day, you got a call from your mother. She is sick; they’ve found “something” in a recent scan. It has you thinking and worried around the clock. It’s the first time one of your parents has gotten sick, and it has you reflecting a lot on your own mortality and the time you have with your parents and your daughter.

You’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions: joy, sadness and fear.

And now here you are, in anticipation, walking to your office in the downtown New York, for your first day as a manager.

On the sidewalk walking towards you is a stranger.

---

Now you are the stranger.

You are looking at Robert. You know nothing about Robert or any of his trials and tribulations. To you, he is just another stranger who appears deep in thought.

---

This is everyday life. You are surrounded by people with complex thoughts, feelings, emotions, who are in the middle of a long journey of their own.

So be nice and try not to judge. Every stranger is on a unique high or low of that journey. And that stranger could have easily been you.

  -Sean Kernan

Is Being 38 years Too old to Correct My Mistakes & achieve Success?

At 38, I was losing interest in my job as a carpenter and my back hurt. At 40, I had my first child, a girl. At 42, my first son. At 45, I entered university. At 50, I had two bachelors degrees: computer science and applied mathematics. But something called the dot-com crash had happened while I was studying and computer work was hard to find, even for the young kids I was at university with. I spent another year at school, training to be a math teacher, then had a semester as a supply/substitute teacher, called in when someone was sick. I was called in twice in four months. Meanwhile, I was working as a carpenter again, actually enjoying it after a long break. Then I was offered a temporary job teaching residential construction and math-based engineering courses to young adults at a polytechnic. The students were great: good people with varied backgrounds. The job became permanent until I retired a few months ago at 66. I could have continued but have plans, interests, which will only become more difficult to achieve.

Have I achieved much in life? It depends on your value system, I suppose. I am certainly not wealthy in financial terms but, with a small pension and some investment income, I have all I need. (Certainly, if I'd started earlier, I'd have more money but I have no regrets.) I have a beautiful wife whom I love even more than the day I married her 30+ years ago. I have two wonderful adult children. I am fairly healthy. I am happy. I have achieved all I could wish for. I am very lucky.

 

- Dave Morgan, Former Instructor at Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (2005–2018)